Here’s Why You Aren’t Into That Girl, Based On Your Age
Wouldn’t it be nice to know why you feel resistance towards a woman you, theoretically, should be interested in?
The Model of Adult Psychological Development provides valuable information about who we are throughout the various stages of our lives. This model sheds light on how we develop, how our tastes and values change, and how that might play out in the world of dating.
From birth to death, our psychological needs change every few years. For a decade or more, your primary need at your stage of life is not only interesting, but powerful. How humans mature helps us understand how we’ll act in situations.
While the information is interesting, it can also be applied to your dating game. Consider:
We’ve all fallen for the wrong person, and shunned the girl that was supposed to be what we were looking for. This model shows you why, and will help you cut out some guesswork for the next time you fall into this trap. It will also give you a better idea of the type of girl you might be looking for.
The ages listed for each level are, theoretically, minimum milestones for entering the level, but you may feel as though your “essence” is contained within another level. Psychological age is not synonymous with chronological age in this model. There will be exceptions.
Models like this are useful for learning, but don’t treat this as dogma. Read through the needs in your chronological age level first, then jump around to the needs of other levels. From there, make your own conclusions about where you are at in life.
Primary Need: Survival (food, clothing, shelter) and Other People (Caretakers)
If you’re reading this, you’re likely beyond Level I. It’s just nice to know that, at one point, our biggest needs in life were the most basic ones. We relied on our parents for most things.
If you remember the middle school days, you know deep thought was not something you prioritized. Most of our actions at this
Primary Need: Power and Control
This is the stage of life where we begin establishing our place in the world. Level II people are usually starting careers, making things work with less money, and competing for resources. They are usually unaware of their own limitations, dislike authority, and are future-focused.
Primary Need: Belonging and Social Acceptance
Level III people are at a stage of life where they want to belong to something. Power and security established in Level II, they now seek greater purpose and more social environments.
You might ask questions like, “Where do I belong?”, “Do people like me?”, “Who am I becoming?”, and, “Am I a socially acceptable person?”
Primary Need: Self-Awareness
Level III people have made it and found a sense of belonging. Their primary focus shifts towards uncovering their true identity, which often means stepping back to reflect on what has happened to this point in life. Core values emerge. If you’re alone at this stage in your life, you probably don’t mind it.
You’ve surely heard of mid-life crises before. This need to strive for self-awareness is largely the reason things like that happen.
Primary Need: Life Purpose
Level V people begin to live their life purpose. They may have an idea of what their purpose is before year 45, but enough has been accomplished internally and externally that they simply engage in the activities they believe matter most.
Research shows that most people arrive in stage 3 later than their psychological age might suggest, and never leave. Few people ever achieve level IV or V because of the amount of reflection and inner work they must do to get there.
Which psychological age bracket did you resonate most with? Think of a girl you obsessed over in the past, and see if she falls into any of the “Why She’s Attractive” qualities. Alternatively, consider the girl that you shunned away. Do any of the resistance qualities align with her behaviors?
Apply this model next time you can’t put your finger on why are (or aren’t) attracted to a girl. It might just be that where you’re at in life is perfectly aligned or incredibly far away from who she is as a person. From there, you can decide how you’ll approach her. Knowing yourself is an incredible dating superpower, and something women find attractive.
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About Ben Kissam American coach and sports psych based in Germany. I use psychology tools to make informed decisions about dating and life.