How to Overcome The Fear of Talking to a Girl

Overcoming The Fear of Talking to Women

You act awkwardly around girls you like, say the wrong thing or worse say nothing at all. It’s not too difficult to imagine how many of you guys out there must be reading the content from this site and struggling. You may be thinking:

“Yeah okay Jamie, all these ideas sound great, once you’re having a conversation with a girl!” You can focus on how to close, how to build a strong emotional connection, all that jazz.

But what the hell do you do when you are too scared to even talk to a girl? Although some of us might not admit it, we’ve all been there at one stage or another in our life (not everybody starts off with Tom Cruz charisma and confidence).

The difference between you and them is they made a decision to overcome that fear, and that’s what this article will help you achieve.

Identifying The Fear

Before you can overcome any fear, you first have to understand where the fear comes from. For many, when it comes to speaking to women, it comes from a few different areas.

It could be that you are intimidated by beautiful women. You worry about what they will think when you speak to them, what they think of you, and you worry they won’t see you as a valuable person to speak to.

This type of fear comes from a lack of self-confidence. Building self-confidence is one of the biggest self-development tasks you can do for yourself, not just in dating but in life.

It’s worth understanding and really listening to yourself in these situations. What exactly is it that you are worried or fearful about in these social situations.

Common types of emotions to feel can be envy, jealousy, pride or wounded pride, presumption, weak self-confidence, inferiority. That’s a long list of emotions to cleanse, but if you can identify specifically which one you are feeling, you’ll be in a much stronger place to overcome your fears.

Understanding the Reality, Women are Just People

When it comes to speaking to any women, it’s important to remember that they aren’t these adonis like goddesses (even if they look like one) that you put on a pedestal. These women are just regular people.

Would you freeze, get nervous or not approach and speak to an old woman in a bakery, or go bright red and stutter when speaking to your mother? Of course you wouldn’t because you would be speaking to a regular person, not somebody you had a crush on.

Remembering that these women you are fearful to talk to are just people, can make the whole approach a lot easier.

Focus on Yourself and Build Confidence

For anybody who is fearful to take the first step and approach women, it can be difficult to just jump right in. You could follow these steps and learn how to go to a bar alone and force yourself to learn the necessary skills to speak to people.

But even for the most confident person that can be like throwing you overboard and wishing you the best in learning to swim. Trust me when I say, I don’t want you to drown.

By building self-confidence, you’ll start to believe that you can and will be able to start successful conversations. If you believe it, they’ll believe it and it will happen, that’s the beauty of confidence.

The key question though is, how do you build self-confidence?

To build self-confidence you are growing the belief that you are worthy. If you think you can be you will be. As the great?Henry Ford quote goes:

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

If you want to try and improve your self-confidence as well as learning the social skills below you can:

  • Groom yourself – If you are showered, shaved and think you look the part, that’ll give your confidence a boost.
  • Dress nicely – I’m not talking Rolex and tailored suit, but wearing well fitting, fresh clothing can make you feel a million dollars.
  • Think Positive – The power of the mind is spectacular, try replacing negative thoughts you have about your self-image with positive ones. It can start with something as little as, I like how I’m taking the initiative to improve my self-confidence.

Building self-confidence can be a long process, but the results will speak for themselves.

Learn the Social Skills to Beat Your Fear

Learning how to build a strong relationship with anyone can be an incredible social skill to gain, and if you learn how to use it correctly, it’ll enhance both your personal life and your relationships. I’d recommend learning how to up your social game on people you’re not attracted to first.

Once you can build strong relationships with men and women you aren’t attracted to, you can then up the ante and go for the girls you’re really interested in. Take your time, remember that life’s a marathon and not a sprint.

By investing in learning these skills you’ll be able to build strong connections everywhere you go. Besides, the secret to successfully winning over women is actually to win over the guys in their group first.

Work to Beat Your Fear into Submission

Once you’ve got the skillset down, you’ve built up your self-confidence, you’ve learned how to ask the right questions to build relationships, you can start to beat your fear into submission.

Build Friendships with Women You’re Not Attracted To

One of the best ways to grow your confidence in speaking to women is to start conversations with women you aren’t attracted to. This mentality might sound backward, just bear in mind you’re not talking to these women to try and get them into bed.

Just to have a fun conversation with them, engage them and grow your skills with speaking to strangers and women. You can even say to these women you’re working on speaking to strangers so you can be better at speaking to women you like.

Most women are empathetic, being honest if you’re struggling might lead to them helping you out and boosting your confidence.

Speed Dating

Another great way to build up your confidence with speaking to women is to get involved in speed dating. If you go into this and use it purely as an exercise to build up your confidence with speaking to new women, it’ll help.

By having no expectation of the women in the speed date i.e. you don’t care if they want to date you or not, you only care about practicing your conversation, it’ll take away a lot of the pressure.

This is the level up from speaking to women you aren’t attracted to, as chances are, some of the women at speed dating might be attractive to you. Keep it up, you’ve nearly reached the goal!

Randomly Approaching People

One of the final challenges and potentially the hardest in your quest for ultimate self-confidence when approaching and speaking to women is the random people test. A technique used by entrepreneurs like Tim Ferris to help build up confidence when speaking to strangers you can literally spend an hour in a busy public place, and approach people.

Ask 150 men, women and children for the time, if they can point you in the direction of the best ice-cream in town or tell them you’re from out of town and need some advice on the best place to eat.

It sounds like a simple enough question, but these type of opening questions are exactly what you could be doing with attractive women you like in bars in no time at all. Once you can master speaking to random strangers, you can take on anything.

You Made it!

This celebration might be a little early. If you made it down this far chances are you didn’t actually go out and apply and do all of the things above, you just finished reading this article in about 6 minutes.

What you need to do now is to go out and actually do it. Take action, and improve yourself.

If you’ve already done that, then you’re ready for the next step, figuring out what women want in 2018.





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Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.

Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.

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About Jamie Atkinson Jamie Atkinson is a freelance writer and sales coach who has over 10 years of experience coaching, selling and training in the field. He was born in the UK but now travels all over the world, teaching other aspiring entrepreneurs how to achieve their own success by sharing the benefits of having a lifestyle business. You can find out more from Jamie over at

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