How To Not Seem Desperate To a Woman
Lots of men have taken bad beats from women. We deal with rejection and break-ups every day, which can often demoralize us. Because of this, men are often left wondering “What did I do wrong?” or “What could I have done differently?”
What we often do to deal with this is to overcompensate or overanalyze with the next women up at bat. The truth is, most men don’t realize that the resulting actions they take are making them look desperate and needy. When we overcompensate, we tend to exhibit behaviors that deny our competence and confidence; two things that women truly want in a man.
The ways in which we present our neediness are varied. Many men don’t hear or see what they are doing and increase the rejections that are driving this behavior in the first place. The key is to be aware of what you are doing. To do that, it is a good idea to know what kinds of behavior to watch for, then get a grip on yourself and do something different.
When you are “down on your luck” with women, making a connection becomes more exciting. The problem is how you display it. Men trying to overcompensate tend to text too much. They feel a need to carry a conversation, worried that they “don’t know enough” about a woman yet. Men hear all the time that we need to talk to women more and open up. However, doing so through text, with most of the conversation being on your side is coming off as needy.
Not only that, but when you text and don’t get a response right away, then text again, and again, and again, you might as well shoot yourself in the foot. Look, digital communication is fine, but if you don’t follow simple protocol with it, you will fail.
Just RELAX. Let the conversation evolve on its own. You don’t have to get a reply immediately. Go do something else and take your mind off of it. If she is into you, she will talk with you. Otherwise, work on setting up a date, normally, and have your conversation face-to-face.
Women like men who are humble. But, women don’t like men who are constantly running themselves into the ground. Wearing your rejections and bad beats with women on your sleeve will lead to a one-way conversation.
While it is important to be humble, giving the impression that you are worthless is going to make you appear to be just that. Get over the other shit with previous women, or at least keep your mouth shut. Stop cutting yourself down. When talking to a woman, humble or not, you should be building yourself up. You need to give her reasons to move forward, not run and hide.
That’s a mouthful, right? Is it you?
Common concerns with needy men can center on whether they say enough or do enough to make a woman feel special. What this thinking can lead to is clingy behavior.
First, men feeling this way will often be “available” for anything. There is no day or night that isn’t open to see her. When a woman asks if you are free sometime this week, the response should not be “Absolutely! I don’t have anything planned. I can do any day you want!” All this says to a woman is that you have no life and are desperate for some company or sex. Even if you have no plans this week, minimize the days you are “available,” and if she wants to plan a specific day, “juggle” your schedule to make it work.
Second, this same guy is usually so effusive with compliments that she is going to get a sugar high from all the sweetness. Look, if she is hot, she knows it. Telling her every 3.5 minutes is not going to help her realize it more. Most men like this make it seem as if they have never seen a woman before, or for a very long time. Women need to question how you “see” her. Compliments should be sparing and timely. Anything more and you just look sad.
Men often think their confidence is controlled by external factors. “How can I be confident when I have faults that ended my relationship?” The answer is simple: you are human. Get over it and move on. No matter how confident and self-possessed you are, you will fuck up in relationships. Not everyone is a soul mate, brother.
To be the kind of man a woman wants, you must have confidence. One part of confidence is being comfortable in your own skin. We can have our confidence shattered in such a way that we feel we cannot exist properly on our own. This is just your head playing tricks on you. Don’t let situations weaken your hold on your Alpha self. Otherwise, you are going to be “desperate” to see her as much as possible and it is going to get creepy fast.
There are a few things you can do that will help you get past your “needy” feelings. They will help you feel good about yourself and build confidence.
Hang out with friends – get together with your friends. Go out and have fun with them, without trying to meet women. Spending time with your friends allows you to see value in yourself from their perspective. Their basic motivation for hanging with you is because they like you.
Go to dinner by yourself – yeah, it can seem like a “sad” thing, but it isn’t. Look, the ability to sit in a crowded restaurant and enjoy a meal by yourself is boldly confident. It is the idea of “being on display” that keeps us from doing something like this. Sure, you do it all the time in a fast food joint, but not a full-service place. I love to eat alone. Other people see me and I let their notice boost my confidence and ego.
Get some culture – go to a museum, art gallery, botanical garden, music festival or local events. Get out there and see things that take your focus off your “needy life.” There is a world going on around you. Be a part of it and enjoy things. Doing things like this on your own gives you something to talk about, and do again, with someone you meet. Get a life and you won’t sit around wondering why you don’t have one.
“Life is a bitch and then you die.” That’s a saying from a few decades ago. But, it still carries the same message today. Every day life has a chance to suck or be great, but tomorrow is another chance. Get over the little shit and don’t let life make you it’s bitch.
Dealing with women can be challenging and often, heart-breaking. The trick is to know you have a choice. How you bounce back from rejection, break-ups and bad life beats is on you. Don’t carry that crap around like it is an award. Women don’t want to see it, and really, you don’t want to feel it. Remember, you always have something to offer. Don’t try to force what that is down a woman’s throat (no puns please).
Be comfortable in your skin. Be comfortable with who you are. Be confident enough to give women what they want, so you can reap the rewards.
Here is another article related to the subject: https://www.tsbmag.com/2015/05/08/how-to-get-off-the-hook/
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About robertbrasher A creative writer for many years, with experiences in many areas. People fascinate me, and stoke my desire to educate the masses on the madness we can and do create in this world. Through writing, we pass knowledge; through understanding, we pass tradition.