Is it Love Or Infatuation?
Love is an amazing feeling. Most men, no matter what they say, want this feeling. Sharing something special with a woman, besides sex, is rewarding. It gives us confidence and spurs us to do greater things with our lives.
The problem with love is how easily other things can be confused with it. You see, “what love is” is a hard thing to define. For each person, it is somewhat “individualized,” which is what makes it special. But, to avoid being on the wrong page with a woman, men need to understand how other “feelings” can imitate love and set you up for disaster.
I figured it would be best to start with the primary way that men mistakenly feel love.
SEX IS AWESOME!
Now that we understand that, you need to understand that what you feel after isn’t necessarily love.
Look, an attraction is made up of different things like physical, mental and emotional. But, just because you have the right chemistry physically, doesn’t mean the others are on point. And if their not, it will be hard to get a girlfriend. It is not too hard to begin a physical relationship with a woman early on. When this happens, all your “love” receptors are fed during, and right after, the act. This is especially true when the sex is off the charts.
Don’t confuse this. If you want to know if you are really in love, then ask yourself this: Do I want to have a 3-hour conversation with this woman afterward? If the answer is no, then you have your answer about love. Most times, extremely physical relationships are going to be lacking in other areas. Be smart enough to see this by being rational and honest with yourself. This woman may be better off as a friend with benefits.
One confusing aspect of love is how couples portray themselves as friends. This can lead men to believe that their female friends might be “the one.” They are comfortable to be around, and you can talk about anything, often sharing very intimate, personal things with them. Men confuse this friendship with a foundation for love. Sad to say, she probably isn’t feeling it that way.
This isn’t to say that there isn’t a friendly relationship that can grow, but telling yourself friendship is love is the wrong approach. Before you get gung-ho and start courting your friend, have a real conversation with her. Talk about what she wants in a man and let her tell you if it is you she wants. Most times, you will find it isn’t. And, if she is “on the fence,” test it with a little physical interaction (intimate kissing for example). Usually, you will find that the physical chemistry is lacking. Fair warning, if you value the friendship, tread lightly with any “love” conversation, or you will be looking for a new friend.
One more thing about this is common ground. Don’t confuse a bunch of common interests as a basis for falling in love. Would you go on a date with your buddy who enjoys all the same pastimes and hobbies as you? Remember, some women are only going to be friend material. More than likely, if she shares all the same interests, she is probably attracted to the same type of women as you are.
Sounds like a catchy song title doesn’t it? While that may be true, it is actually something men do all the time.
You see, women can do and say things early on that set a man’s imagination on fire. It can be easy for a woman to hit a man’s “hot buttons” when it comes to love. However, most of the time, men are creating something from nothing, usually from a desperate need.
Here are some examples of how men do this.
This is very telling and happens all the time. Women say something, and men exaggerate it into “the one I’ve been looking for.” Unfortunately, by the second or third date, we realize that she has some major issues. And if you blind yourself into thinking it is love, you are asking for much regret later.
To avoid this, set your standards. Let the conversations evolve and get deep enough to know what she is really about. Taking things at face value and assigning emotion to them is futile. It will end badly.
The ultimate lesson to learn here is that men blow one aspect of a woman out of proportion and “fall in love” with it. This is how they wind up in relationships that are doomed to fail or spend years with someone, full of regret and unhappiness.
What you want from a woman are multiple things. When you are daydreaming about her, you should be pondering many things about her that are special.
Does she make you think? Does she challenge you? Does she rock your world, in and out of bed? Is it impossible to picture your life without her?
Answering yes to these kinds of questions means you are on the right path to love. If you are running into no’s when you ask, then you are dealing with a faulty foundation. Re-evaluate what you feel, logically, then go find someone who makes you feel everything, not just something.
Here is another article related to the subject: https://www.tsbmag.com/2016/03/17/how-to-answer-the-what-are-we-question/
About robertbrasher A creative writer for many years, with experiences in many areas. People fascinate me, and stoke my desire to educate the masses on the madness we can and do create in this world. Through writing, we pass knowledge; through understanding, we pass tradition.