Is She Over Her Ex?
Love comes and goes. Breakups happen. Various sources disagree on who gets over relationships quicker, men or women, but it’s all subjective.
If the love was deep, both genders can deal with some heavy mourning and pining. Neither gender really has a better grip on getting past exes. Feelings are the real culprit.
The question is, are you dating someone that isn’t over their ex?
Lots of people get back into the dating scene before they are ready. Often it is the old “back on the horse” routine, hoping it will help them move on. But exes can be a hard one to shake for many women. With so much societal expectation for women, breakups can be demoralizing to women and make them feel worthless.
Worthless is a hard place to come back from. This means it is up to you to decide if she is fully recovered or if that old flame might not burn your chances with her.
A major factor in getting over exes is the level of the relationship. A woman getting over a dating relationship is a far cry from a woman recovering from a divorce. Hell, even the quality of the marriage plays into how a divorced woman rebounds from it.
However, it is important to know who the last love was. You need to know when it ended also. These two factors will be most important when you decide to take things further.
Women coming out into the dating world soon after a breakup of any kind are potentially “volatile.” One thing we all tend to do is look at the world through “breakup” eyes. New potentials are being measured against the ex, with pre-existing expectations that won’t apply.
The longer it has been since the breakup, the better chance that her vision has cleared. Hopefully, her expectations are coming back to more realistic and open standards.
If you the time since breakup is too soon by your standards, then hold off on moving forward with dating or more. Be a friend and invest some ‘shoulder-to-cry-on’ time. This can be most advantageous when it is time to pursue her romantically.
There are lots of ways the ex can manifest when dealing with a woman. Keep your eyes and ears open for the signs and you can know when to back off and give her space.
She talks about him a lot – women that are still feeling for an ex often speak about them quite a bit. It is usually in the vein of talking about her previous relationship – what she didn’t like, problems, etc. However, this is always a red flag when dating anyway. She is either not over him or not over what he did.
She is still friends with her ex – women often try to friend-zone an ex. This is their way of hanging on to the parts of him she really likes without having to fully get over things. His motivation to be friends is either the hope of getting her back or the hope of keeping the sex available or both. She isn’t over him.
She seems overly ‘future-focused’ – one of the things women lose in a relationship is her plans for the future. She invested her heart and hoped for a life together. Women will often keep this hope for the future alive, focusing on these things with new partners. If she is asking about your feelings on marriage and kids right away, she is likely not over him.
She compares things to her ex-relationship – look for comparisons to happen. An example: if she sees a guy acting shitty to a woman, she might compare his behavior to the ‘better’ behavior of her ex. “He would have never treated me like that. No man should.” You will be competing with a ghost.
She is non-committal – if plans are hard to make with her, it might be commitment issues. When still pining about what could have been, committing to something new can be scary. Hesitancy is a sign that you aren’t right for her, or she isn’t ready.
She wants to go places where he frequents – this should be a no-brainer. The last thing a woman who is over a man wants to do is go somewhere where she will see him. Especially if she is with a new guy. This is a woman who is not over her ex, at all.
She hasn’t ended contact with him – women can come up with lots of reasons to “stay in touch,” but they usually all add up to “I can’t let him go.” She isn’t over him yet.
You will see other things as well, whether irritation over things that are normal in new relationships or being emotional at the wrong times – during movies, going to certain places, etc.
Face it, sometimes you might be the rebound guy. It happens. What you need to do is make sure you are aware. Be honest in your conversations and ask the questions. Talk to her as a ‘friend’ and help her determine if she is moving on too soon. If you can both determine that she isn’t ready, she will be ready much sooner.
Don’t count a woman on the rebound out. Play the role of a gentleman and be her ally. It is through this that she can come through quicker and be ready to make you her new ex.
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About robertbrasher A creative writer for many years, with experiences in many areas. People fascinate me, and stoke my desire to educate the masses on the madness we can and do create in this world. Through writing, we pass knowledge; through understanding, we pass tradition.