She Ended It- So Why Is She Still Texting You?
Women are notorious for saying one thing and doing another. Not that men don’t do the same thing, but this behavior is one of the reasons dating is so difficult at times.
Sometimes, you don’t know if the words she said can be taken at face value.
But what about when she really does something- like dumps you– then continues to text you?
Two completely different actions suggesting entirely different things. But you’ve probably done it before to a girl, and a girl might do it to you.
In this article, we’ll look at how to handle this situation and 3 scenarios that might explain her contradicting behaviors.
If you want the hard truth, this article could conclude with these 5 words:
Forget her and move on.
Seriously, if she dumped you, it’s best to call it quits. I understand you miss her, and it’s hard to imagine not replying if she’s still seemingly making an effort. But you’re about to see why it’s probably best to get out of the relationship.
Simply put, keeping the line of communication after she breaks up with you gives her a ton of power. And you’re not in a position to harness any of that power for yourself.
But just to cover our bases, and perhaps give you peace of mind, let’s look at 3 scenarios where she continues to text you after a break up:
Being newly single creates a feeling of scarcity for both women and men. You’re forced to fill several voids left by the person who just exited your life, and it’s both scary and uncomfortable.
If she’s still texting you after a breakup, it’s likely that she’s using you to feel a little more certain during turbulent times. Call it not fair, call it messed up; I won’t argue. It isn’t a cool thing to do. But you’ve probably done it to someone else, and so have I.
In this scenario, she’ll keep you around for 3-4 weeks, which will be long enough for the sting of the end to wear down. Perhaps she’ll keep you on the hook until she gets back on Tinder and gets a few dates under her belt.
It sucks to acknowledge, but you’re being used as the bridge to her new life. And make no mistake, she’ll burn it when she’s ready to.
What To Do: Test her conversationally. If you’re wondering if her texting you means you may get back together, see how far she takes the conversation. Does she shut down any talk of your past relationship? Does she bring it up, then get cold when you do? Chances are, she’s using you selfishly, and it’s time to bail.
There’s a glimmer of hope in this situation that her texting you actually means she may think she’s made a mistake.
Proceed with caution- of the three scenarios, this one is by far the least likely. Let’s call it 10-15%.
Women are much more connected to their emotions than men. When they make a choice, it’s usually rooted in deep feeling and intuition. They act when something feels best for them, which is why you got dumped.
Still, if she’s texting you, maybe she thinks it was a mistake to break up with you.
What To Do: There’s only one test here to see if she wants to get back together, and that’s to call for a meeting, face-to-face. If she’s saying one thing but won’t act on it or even get together to talk about your relationship, that’s all the information you need. Actions speak louder than words.
There could be a number of reasons she’s still texting you that scenario #1 and #2 don’t cover.
She could be lonely. Maybe she has daddy issues or is a serial monogamist. A lot of women need approval from men to feel normal. Perhaps she’s transitioning careers or having family problems.
Something in her life is jacked up, and one of her strategies is to text you. After all, you’ve been a source of comfort and stability to her in the past, so she knows she can count on you.
Ulterior motives are tricky, because they aren’t linear, and can change at any time. Unfortunately, if she meets another guy she likes or the situation improves, you are entirely replaceable at any moment.
What To Do: Set boundaries. If you’ve decided to engage with her texts, maintain some control of the situation by not engaging in stuff that makes you uncomfortable. You can objectively be supportive for her without giving up your dignity or being used as an emotional punching bag.
Test her conversationally. Make her back her word with actions. Set boundaries.
There’s about a 90% chance if she’s still texting you after a breakup that you’re going to wind up hurt. The best thing would be to move on, but if you choose to engage, don’t let her use you like a sponge.
Life and dating are about living with- and growing from- the decisions we make. Focus on your choices and make her learn to live with hers.
About Ben Kissam American coach and sports psych based in Germany. I use psychology tools to make informed decisions about dating and life.