5 Tips For Dating Women Online/Through Apps
Ask any of your platonic lady friends- most guys suck at using dating apps.
They create profiles that come off as arrogant, douchey, or strange. And this earns them a swift “Swipe Left” without a second thought from most girls.
But even when many guys get the “swipe right”, they don’t get far or get ghosted. No, she’s not “busy“. She’s ignoring you.
Does this happen to you? It happens to us all from time to time, but if it happens a lot, this article will help you.
The simple approach to being great on dating apps is to position your true self in the limelight.
This way, you’ll attract girls more girls because of the unique way you’ve positioned yourself. You will stand out from the 2 million bros who selected shirtless pictures of them holding a fish on a boat.
And, since you’re actually being yourself, you may stand a chance of being interesting to the girl that does swipe right on you.
Think of dating apps as a business tactic- you can’t sell your product (yourself) to everyone. There is not a product in the world that everyone buys. Instead, narrow your focus down to your “target market” (girls you’d like to date or attract), and build a profile that reflects that.
Here are 7 tips for making this happen today:
The first step is making sure you have good pictures that tell your story.
Delete any shirtless pictures or weird Snapchat filter shots. The girls those pictures attract aren’t worth the trouble.
Second, text 3 of your girl friends right now. If you can, be diverse. Don’t choose 3 best friends who all feel the same way about everything.
Now, ask them to scour your Facebook/Instagram profile and find 5 pictures they think you should use for your dating profile.
See what they choose and measure those against your choices.
Dating apps have gotten so popular that the original draw (millions of single people at your fingertips) is starting to be the biggest pain point.
Simply put, there are too many options. Girls are overwhelmed, so they are looking for a reason to be drawn in or for something that stands out.
In your profile, put some type of call-to-action in your bio. It doesn’t have to be as cliche or straightforward as “ask me about my trip to Thailand last year”, but a funny quip or directive might be an incentive for her to message you.
Don’t create a generic profile that looks exactly the same across Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge.
If you live in a big city, chances are girls will occasionally recognize you from other apps.
Each dating app comes with specific features. For example, Bumble allows you to connect your Spotify playlists and Instagram to your profile. You should take the time to set these things up so that she has more material about you to cipher through. Even if she swipes left, you’ve drawn her in, which is a good thing.
But remember, this is extra work. If you connect your Instagram, you also have to audit that to make sure she won’t come across something ridiculous. Make sure it reflects you in a good way.
Assuming you eventually begin messaging girls, you don’t want to ruin all the hard work you put in to make a good profile.
Society teaches us to be audacious and bold, and that’s usually a good thing. But that’s what every other guy is doing too. If your goal is to stand out, try being something else. Be subtle.
You wouldn’t put your arm around her ten seconds into meeting her, so don’t lead with some ridiculous “bold” attempt to tell her she’s beautiful. That’s creepy.
Instead, master the art of showing her you’re subtly interested (and not in the friend zone). Your back and forth approach will pique her interest, and she will be more likely to play a game of dating tennis back.
When the time comes, you can make your move. Just not right away.
Get her to fall in love with you chatting? Great. Now, seal the deal.
No, this doesn’t mean try to get laid. It means make definite plans with her and initiate that conversation. Don’t say “I’m down for whatever you want to do”. Girls hate making decisions, and naturally want guys to take the lead, at least most of the time.
Ask her out on a date. Give her 2-3 options about what you do, but ultimately, you have to sit in the driver’s seat for arranging plans for a first date. Suggest a great restaurant or park to walk around and get something concrete on the books.
About Ben Kissam American coach and sports psych based in Germany. I use psychology tools to make informed decisions about dating and life.