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How To Maintain An Exciting Long-Term Relationship

Your relationship doesn’t have to be doomed

Let’s begin with a look at some sentiments widely accepted to be inevitable when it comes to long-term relationships.

  • The ‘honeymoon period’ comes to an end.
  • Sexual desire fades.
  • Good relationships take hard work.
  • ‘Checking in with the ball and chain’ before agreeing to plans without her.
  • ‘Rocky spells’ filled with many arguments.
  • Nagging.
  • “A happy wife is a happy life”.

Read enough material from relationship counsellors and you’ll see these are regarded as compulsory elements of a marriage or long-term relationship. If that’s the case, count me out.  

Thankfully, there is an alternative.

Below, we’ll explore the typical paths for four types of long-term relationship involving men and women with high self-esteem (HSE) or low self-esteem (LSE). 

For the sake of simplicity, we’ll define HSE and LSE as believing they’re ‘out of their partner’s league’ in the dating marketplace.

HSE man meets LSE woman

Let’s be brutally honest here…

This almost always leads to a ‘pump and dump’ scenario. Perhaps he’ll keep her on the scene as a casual partner, but the idea of becoming exclusive with her is laughable for an HSE guy.

According to the Pareto Principlethe top 20% of guys are sleeping with the top 80% of women, If you’re a man in this top tier, the idea of monogamy might seem laughable (especially in your teens and twenties).

It’s natural to feel this way. Masculine energy is the desire for freedom, including sexual freedom. For all the plus points of a monogamous relationship, its confines are counter-productive to this biological desire.

When an HSE man is open to an exclusive relationship, it’s likely he’ll have a choice of multiple women. An LSE girl is unlikely to top his list…  

If an LSE woman hides her insecurities well enough to lure an HSE man into a relationship, it’s likely to be plagued by her jealousy and attempts to poison drip him down to her level. (For the HSE man at least), playing the field is far more healthy than coupling up with a woman like this.

LSE man meets HSE woman

Time for brutal honesty, once again…

In most situations, this conversation ends quicker than she can scat away an insect.

A young HSE woman who takes care of herself physically has an endless abundance of romantic options. She’s hit on multiple times at every party. Her Tinder constantly pings with new matches. Her Instagram DMs are a cesspool of random dudes trying to meet her. She has NO reason to even speak to an LSE man.

Every LSE dude she meets will try and become her boyfriend. He’d happily shower her with presents, put up with her flaws and worship the ground she walks on. Yet, as wonderful as this sounds, she can’t get turned on by a guy like this. His desire to lock her into a relationship so quickly is inherently unmasculine and therefore unattractive to any woman with a shred of femininity. Such behaviour reeks of neediness and an inability to get anyone else on her level. Why would a young HSE woman ever settle with a man like this?

The only common situation when this does occur is as the woman gets older. At some point, she may start to realise her best days (in a man’s eyes) are behind her. Maybe she sees her friends getting married and feels the biological urge to start a family. In such scenarios, the LSE guy with a bit of money and complete admiration for her no longer seems like such a terrible option.

Let’s say she settles for the LSE man, gets her big wedding day and pops out a couple of kids. Perhaps she’ll be extremely happy in this ‘honeymoon period’. Yet, as the stresses of family life take their toll, she’ll begin to resent him. She’ll realise she can walk all over him, and it’ll sicken her. She’ll hate how he doesn’t excite her the same way the HSE guys used to. 

Perhaps, for a while, they stay in the ‘difficult relationship’ described in the bullets above. The man may put up with the nagging and dry spells, knowing full well he could never do any better. The woman may do the same for a while, especially if there are kids involved, but this discontent is a common source of extra-marital affairs. Either the man (somehow) bumps into a woman who doesn’t putz-shame him, or the woman falls under the charms of an HSE dude who excites her sexually. 

Regardless of whether infidelity occurs, the stress involved in these relationships makes them unlikely to last the distance. 

LSE man meets LSE woman

These relationships can last, but they’re also often subjected to the symptoms of a ‘difficult relationship’ described above.  

Both parties tend to project their insecurities onto one another, in what is commonly dubbed a co-dependent relationship. These unhealthy relationships are characterised by arguments, jealousy and poison drips.

The fear of not being able to do any better is typically all that keeps any LSE person in these relationships. Few will admit it though. Instead, they follow the mainstream narrative stating that ‘relationships are hard work.’

The solution: HSE man meets HSE woman

So, what happens when an HSE man couples up with an HSE woman?

In short, it’s endless bliss…

For starters, he’s almost definitely choosing her from abundance, and therefore has a far better idea of who would make a perfect partner.  

The woman knows this – and is thrilled to have been chosen from a pool of high-quality options. She’s aware she could be easily replaced if she plays up, yet is probably too secure to try this without good reason. If she does step out of line, the man doesn’t supplicate. Instead, he asserts his masculinity by calling her out. She appreciates she’s with an absolute boss and remains on her best behaviour throughout the relationship. 

In an HSE partnership, both partners continue seducing each other. They realise what they have and want to become better versions of themselves. This isn’t fuelled by insecurity, but inspiration. It might sound like hard work, but it’s not. In fact, there’s nothing either person wants more.

Other incredible side effects of an HSE relationship include:

  • The woman’s sex drive doesn’t dry up, mostly because she remains in awe of her man, but also because she knows he won’t put up with this for long. If she’s not satisfying him in the bedroom, there are hundreds of other women who would.
  • Pointless arguments, stemming from one person’s insecurities, don’t occur.
  • Both parties are secure enough to let the other person maintain their own separate social lives.

As such, happiness remains relatively effortless. When one HSE person chooses another, the ‘classic troubles’ of a relationship barely pop up.   

How to become an HSE man

LSE men tend to end up doomed in relationships, whether they’re dating an LSE or HSE woman. He may choose to stay in these rocky relationships, believing it’s a better reality than being on his own, but this doesn’t mean he’s truly happy. Either way, there’s no guarantee the woman will put up with him forever. Not in the 21st century, when women have more financial independence than ever.

Even within marriage, this appears to be the case. Note the interesting correlation between The Pareto Principle, claiming that 80% of men are LSE, and recent divorce statistics, stating that 80% of U.S divorces are initiated by womenThis suggests that most LSE men are getting walked over by their wives, losing half their net worth in a divorce they don’t want and being forced to navigate the dating field as an old heartbroken loser.

It’s a grim situation, but the stats show this is the future for the majority of grooms…

The best solution is to become an HSE man. The type of guy who doesn’t supplicate to beautiful women. The type of guy with solid belief in his self-worth and his personal boundaries. The type of guy who has an abundance of options in his dating life, and can choose the best partner from many.  

For some dudes, it’ll take a lot of hard work to build themselves up to this level.

Yet, it’s nowhere near as hard as being continuously thrown into the gutter by women who became sick of you being a little LSE bitch.

The choice is yours…  

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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin is a lifestyle writer and confidence coach currently living as a digital nomad across Europe and Asia. You can download his FREE e-book 'How To Conquer Social Anxiety' at https://bit.ly/2MBxm4N

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