How To Know If You’ve Found ‘The One’
Is there anything more damaging in life than mistakenly believing you’ve found ‘The One’?
Settle down with the wrong woman and you can expect:
It’s the stuff of nightmares. Yet, America’s divorce rate suggests it’ll happen to half of this country’s married couples.
If you don’t know to properly assess yourself, and the woman you’re supposedly so in love with, it’ll happen to you too.
The average guy chooses his ‘one’ from a very small pool.
In fact, statistics suggest he only sleeps with six partners in his entire lifetime. These are most likely to be women he’s introduced to via friends or the workplace, rather than someone he’s found himself.
What are the chances of his ‘perfect 10’ appearing in this small pool of women? Even if she does, how likely is it that she falls for the guy who can barely attract a handful of girls throughout his entire life?
The odds certainly aren’t in his favour…
More likely, when he finally meets some average woman who accepts him romantically, his brain tells him that she’s special.
This affection is so rare – and his self-esteem is so fragile – that he becomes addicted to it. This desperation for a woman’s affection causes his selective focus to ignore all her small flaws, and even her massive red flags. Anyone who has looked back on photos of past relationships and wondered ‘what was I thinking?’ can vouch for this sensation existing.
We call this addiction ‘falling in love’. It has been glamorised as this ever since the earliest romance stories were written. TV shows and movies tell us it leads to a ‘happily ever after’, but divorce rates show this is clearly not the case.
In reality, the red flags these ‘average couples’ ignored in order to avoid singledom starts to wear them down. Often, they’re exacerbated by the stresses of family life. Eventually, it becomes unbearable. The relationship descends into arguments, put-downs, dry spells and most probably a messy break-up.
Mainstream media tries to keep society stable by telling us that ‘relationships are hard work’ and ‘the end of the honeymoon period is inevitable’.
But, it doesn’t have to be this way. Not if you choose correctly in the first place…
Let’s explore what the ‘love’ story of the above-average male typically looks like…
The Pareto Principle and hypergamy theories both suggest he’s getting A LOT more girls than the average guy. It’s commonly claimed that the top 20% of men are sleeping with the top 80% of women, although there is no research to back this up. Regardless of the actual numbers, it seems clear that the high-value guy has a far bigger pool of potential partners to choose from.
More importantly though, he’s less likely to have his brain play tricks when a girl shows affection towards him, because he’s so used to this. He’s not in a mad rush to lock down any particular woman, because there’s an abundance of them available. Essentially, he’s able to logically choose the most suitable partner from a sizeable pool of options. He doesn’t ‘fall in love’ in the way Disney movies depict it. Instead, he ‘jumps in love’ with the woman who ticks all his boxes.
If a woman does break this man’s boundaries, he’s not afraid to show her the door. He’ll find a better fit without too many problems. More often than not, his woman respects this and remains on her best behaviour throughout the relationship. As such, the odds of settling down with his ‘perfect 10’ become far more favourable.
The key to finding ‘The One’ is dating a lot of women while you’re young.
How are you supposed to know what you value most in a relationship, unless you have experience with many different types of women?
Your values are likely to differ during your early twenties, compared to your thirties and beyond, which is perhaps the biggest reason to make the most of singledom while you’re young.
If you suck at talking to girls right now, take the time to learn how to improve. Build your confidence. Become that high-value guy. It’ll do you a lot more good than ‘falling in love’ with the first woman that accepts you.
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>