Guys: Here’s How To Deal With Big Personalities

A girl with a big personality is loud, outspoken, and outgoing. She’s often social and unafraid to speak her mind, even when meeting strangers.

Oh, and she’s usually really attractive or has a hot friend that you’re interested in, right? I mean, you probably wouldn’t be trying to talk to her if that wasn’t the case.

There are two scenarios that affect single guys when it comes to girls with big personalities: you’re either trying to date one, or you’re interested in one of her friends.

If you don’t play it right around her, you won’t have a chance at either.

Let’s look at 7 ways to handle the girl with a big personality:

1. Don’t Write Her Off.

If you’re into a girl with a big personality, this goes without saying. But if she’s the friend, it might not be so obvious.

The truth is, girls with big personalities don’t seem “normal” to guys. They don’t always “act” feminine, they cuss, and they’ll call you out on stuff. Her behavior is what it is, but there’s a human underneath with the same needs and desires as other girls. Even if you’re just trying to laid, you have to cater to that.

The worst thing a single guy can do at a bar is to alienate a girl from her friends. Especially if you just met, her big-personality compatriot will quickly put an end to it, and your chances of taking her home, especially if you are a dick about it.

2. Give Her Attention.

She’s loud, she’s confident, she disagrees with everything you say. Trying to take her home seems difficult. If she’s the friend, her behavior feels distracting, like it might derail you from taking her friend home. It can be a lot.

So, how do you deal? Steer into the skid. Make her the center of attention, even if she’s not the one you want to go home with.

The reason for this is simple.

Girls with big personalities are quick-witted. They’re confident. They’ll test to see if you meet up to their high standards. Not giving her attention makes you seem selfish at best, lacking confidence at worst.

Plus, girls with big personalities are notoriously good at motivating their friends. She’s probably the coach and leader of her group. Get her on your side, and don’t be surprised when she gives you the “OK” at the end of the night to take her girlfriend home.

3. Don’t BS Her.

Girls with big personalities are notoriously good at smelling bullshit. Don’t lie, sugarcoat, or beat around the bush with her.

Just be honest about your intentions and use your conversational skills to score points with her instead of manipulating the situation. Who knows? Maybe it won’t work out, but she’ll wingman you for someone else.

4. Avoid Competitive Situations

She won’t like being wrong or beaten. Group games are fine, but avoid situations where you’re competing against each other, lest you beat her and now have to watch her get upset. Also, never let her win, because again, she can smell your BS from a mile away.

5. Cater To Her Emotional Side

Under all that ferocity is a girl, the same type of girl you’re used to dating. Let her be loud, opinionated, and whatever else she’s going to do. If you can find a way in your short period of time to connect to her emotions, you will break through the tough exterior.

For example, find a topic she’s passionate about and start a meaningful conversation about something you or a friend did that helped the cause. Don’t brag, just talk. Be subtle. Ask her if she played sports growing up or wants to do something different than what she does now.

Her intimidating outer shell will break down when you show her you’re a little different than most guys.

6. Ignore Her “No-Filter”

The connection between her mouth and brain is like the autobahn. If she thinks it, she’s going to say it, then ask questions later.

Be a man and let it go. If she questions your looks as you try to score points with her friend, just go with it. The friend you’re interested in is used to her behavior, and likely doesn’t take her opinions as dogma. There are too many, so she’s used to letting her friend talk but still making her own choices.

What she isn’t used to is you, so you can totally blow it here by being an asshole.

7. Be Ready For What’s Next

If you’re trying to take home a girl with a big personality, just know what’s coming. When girls like this make a commitment, they are all in. If you get past her exterior, she may even be a little overwhelming in the proceeding days if you continue talking.

And if that’s a good thing, keep doing what you got you there. Be honest with her and don’t act like a fuck boy. It’ll keep working out.

Big Personalities- Wrap-Up

We’ve all met the girl with a big personality. She’s loud, opiniated, competitive, and even, intimidating. Whether we want to bring her home or her friend, there are a couple keys to handling someone with this personality.

Don’t avoid her. Steer into the skid by giving her attention.

Never BS her.

Avoid competition, unless it’s in a group.

Have a meaningful conversation that cuts past her loud behavior.

Ignore the lack of a filter.

And, know what’s coming if you keep talking to her. She feels hard, which is part of the reason she is the way she is.


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About Ben Kissam American coach and sports psych based in Germany. I use psychology tools to make informed decisions about dating and life.

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