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Not Give A Fuck

Most Guys Hide Their Intentions With Women, Here’s What You Want To Do Instead

We’d been dancing for about an hour. We’d even kissed. In my mind, it was a done deal. But when she suddenly upped and left with her friend, I was left wondering what the hell just happened.

This time, I was traveling in Peru. But it happened many times after. And it didn’t matter what country I was in, the result was always the same.

Sometimes, without warning, the women who were previously “100% into me” would just leave. And I couldn’t figure out why.

I’d done everything right. I’d approached confidently, I’d talked to her, I’d even eventually made a move. And she was receptive. What went wrong?

Well, it’s something I figured out a few years later:

Many women aren’t going to be interested in you no matter what you do, but they will entertain your company. It’s attention after all. Some women will even kiss you (in some countries) if there’s nothing better to do.

But in either instance – you’re pursuing the wrong women. These women don’t like you.

Instead, you need to start implementing something that’ll make your results with women a whole lot better. The thing I never used to do.

And that’s called qualifying.

What is qualifying?

A lot of guys overcomplicate qualification. They look at it as a way to get the women to prove themselves to her, to prove they’re higher value than her, to get her “chasing them” and all kinds of useless crap.

You don’t need to do that, and that’s the wrong way to think about qualification.

Your value comes from how much you improve your life and the enjoyment and confidence that comes from that.

Getting women to chase you comes from how THEY FEEL about you, which is entirely based around the connection you have and the way you treat them. I.e. Not badly, just without neediness.

If you do both of these things, women will naturally want to verify that you like them. You don’t need any trick to do that.

So if qualification is none of those things, what is it?

Qualifying is the act of introducing your sexual intentions into an interaction and seeing if she’s okay with them being there.

In other words, you’re qualifying her as a potential sexual partner. If she doesn’t view you like that, she won’t be okay with those sexual intentions being introduced.

And those are the women you move on from. They aren’t interested, so don’t waste your time.

This is what separates a guy who gets a laid a lot from a guy who doesn’t. The guy who doesn’t tries to chase women who aren’t that hot on him, the guy who does finds that ones who already are, and takes them home.

Qualifying is what does this.

If you playfully tell a woman early on the interaction that you’re going to try and “get in her pants all night”, and she plays along, that’s a pretty clear green light that she’s okay with you hitting on her.

If instead, she clearly isn’t interested…. Red light. Leave her alone and move on.

What happens when you don’t qualify?

If you don’t qualify, you never, ever find out which women are actually into you, and you always end up chasing the women that aren’t.

There are a few outcomes from this and none of them are good.

1) You constantly reinforce your fear of rejection

The only reason guys don’t qualify is they are afraid it’ll get them rejected. And they’re right. It WILL get them rejected. But only by the women who were never actually interested in them.

That’s a good thing.

By never accepting this, all you do is reinforce your fear and permanently remain its puppet.

Not good.

2) You’re a creep

By constantly pursuing something sexual with a woman when a) you haven’t been honest about it and b) she isn’t actually interested in you – all you do is creep her out.

This is the reverse of being attractive. It’s quite literally repulsive. So not only is she not into you, but she doesn’t want to be anywhere near you.

It’s slimy and weird and puts her on a pedestal. And no woman wants to be put on a pedestal.

3) You’re reinforcing your neediness and dependence on positive reactions

This is the blight of most guys starting out.

Not only do they have issues with neediness, when they start approaching and getting somewhat positive responses from women, they become dependent on them.

Why?

The positive responses make them feel like the kind of guy they always wanted to be, rather than the one they are.

It becomes a drug.

This leads to more and more chasing of women who you haven’t actually qualified as interested, hoping for a positive response, and trying your best to engineer one.

Which just puts you straight into creep territory.

What happens you do qualify?

When you qualify a woman you allow yourself to act from a natural place.

Why?

You’re fundamentally telling yourself that you’re not afraid of her and that you and your intentions are good enough.

So you express them.

That’s a pretty damn good foundation. And from it, comes a whole lot of good.

1) You can assert your sexuality better

Because you’ve made it clear what your intentions are, you’ve given yourself permission to express them. You don’t need to hide them or play it safe, you can dive right in.

This is honest, and if the woman is into you, will often make her feel sexy. Because your attraction is genuine and isn’t dependent on some positive reaction.

2) You can assert your boundaries better

Because you’ve told yourself that you are “good enough”, you’ve inherently told yourself that you’re her equal. That means you wouldn’t accept any more shitty behavior from her than you would anyone else.

Again, this is honest. And actually having boundaries and self-respect is very attractive to women.

3) You can form a genuine emotional connection

When you’ve formed a genuine emotional connection with a woman, she pretty much forgets about every other guy. You become the one she wants, and she’ll make a lot of time to see you.

When you tell yourself that you’re good enough, and act from that place, you’re allowing yourself to express who you actually are, unfiltered, and shamelessly. This naturally screens for women who emotionally connect with you.

All in all, it’s a pretty good thing.

How to qualify

You want to keep qualifying as simple as humanly possible. Don’t overcomplicate it with routines, responses or any of that stuff that is just going to fill up your head and stop you from being your natural self.

Here’s what you want to do:

Assuming you’ve approached a woman and opened the conversation, you want to throw in a phrase that demonstrates you have sexual interest and/or sexual intentions towards her.

(This, incidentally, is something women notice guys from different cultures do more aggressively – I.e. the British don’t do this, but the Australians typically do).

You want to throw something out there like this:

“After this we can go back to mine and watch Frozen. Girl’s night in.” (Playful, but she’ll get the idea).

“Yeah, I’m definitely going to try and get in your pants all night.” (Very overt, and she’ll 100% know what your intentions are).

With that last one, they’ll almost always respond saying something to the effect of “Good look with that” to which you can steal this response: “I dunno I’m pretty charming.”

The key to any good qualification is that you have to be bold, state your intentions, and have fun with it. Playfulness is key. If you aren’t playful with any of those examples, they’ll fall flat.

Any reference to you and her going back to your apartment, or you trying to “get in her pants” will introduce exactly how it is you’re thinking of her.

I.e. Not as a friend.

How to start practicing qualification

I wouldn’t recommend practicing qualification unless you can at least approach and start conversations with women. That’s kind of a prerequisite. So if you struggle with that, don’t worry about this part for now and focus on approaching.

But if you can approach and start conversations, but your results don’t seem to be happening, here’s what you can do:

Start by playing it safe. Steal my frozen line, or say there’s an after-party at your flat, guest list of 2 people. Anything, make it a joke, but one that indicates you want to be alone with her.

Again, women aren’t dumb, they’ll know what you mean. They don’t like to put themselves in situations where they’re alone with a guy they’ve just met unless they like him and feel comfortable around him.

This will start increasing the amount you get rejected. I know, that sounds bad, but remember: it’s a good thing.

It’ll start exposing you to just how many women you’ve been pursuing who weren’t actually interested in you / sexually available at the time. (I.e. they had a boyfriend).

It’ll also start increasing your awareness of the kinds of women that are out there and are receptive to you making your intentions known. This is good because it gets you the experience of the kinds of dating decisions you need to be making.

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About John Matich John is a writer from the UK who splits his time between travelling the world and trying to find unconventional solutions to dating and personal development. You can find more from him at www.lifeuncivilized.com.

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