How To Be Less Boring On Dates
The fear of the “awkward silence”. It’s perhaps the most common cause of first date nerves.
Maybe you’re worried about running out of things to say. Perhaps you can already picture your date rolling her eyes as you talk, or feel your heart racing as you scramble for more interesting topics.
The potential embarrassment of your date having no fun and leaving early can be enough to put some men off the experience altogether. And if you’re not used to instantly hitting it off with new people, this can seem extremely likely.
Even if you’re an OK conversationalist, you might be worried that you don’t have much in common with this particular woman.
Either way, there’s no reason to fear.
With these simple tips, you’ll find it easy to entertain even the most stony-faced ice queen.
It’s your choice to either self-identify as a “boring” or “exciting” person. Whatever option you choose will be true in the eyes of others
The truth is: there’s a huge bouquet of quirks that make you different from the average person. You have activities that excite you. You have thoughts that frustrate you. You have a wealth of experiences that have shaped you as a person.
It’s only boring when you don’t express these quirks with full enthusiasm. It’s boring when you hide them or play them down and pretend you’re a “normal” person.
We filter ourselves for fear that others will find us boring, yet this self-filtration is the most boring thing we can do.
This woman has clearly seen something in you, otherwise she wouldn’t agree to a date. She clearly wants to learn more. Give her what she wants.
If your ultimate goal is to end up in a relationship, you might as well show your full personality from the get-go. Perhaps she’ll love it. Maybe she’ll hate it, but she definitely won’t find it boring.
Enthusiasm is infectious. When you speak enthusiastically about your passions and opinions, other people are drawn in.
There are plenty of techniques you can practice to become a better story-teller. Try adding more energy and excitement to your voice. Play around with the pace and tonality of your words. Explain the emotions felt by you or the characters in your stories. Paint a picture of the scene using the five senses. When used correctly, these ingredients can add spice to any anecdote.
It’s a myth that you need to be serious, suave and sophisticated like James Bond on a first date.
No matter how perfect this woman looks, she has the same desires as any other person. Deep down, she wants to be silly, to laugh, to have fun!
When you’re not afraid to be goofy and imperfect, this helps her to relax. If you can make the same dorky jokes you would around your friends and family, this shows you’re comfortable around her and helps her feel comfortable around you.
Unless she’s an actual princess, she’ll find it uncomfortable and boring to be treated like royalty.
Instead of asking the same boring ‘getting to know you’ questions, make assumptions. Don’t be afraid to tease her a bit with these either.
“I bet you were a complete nerd in high school.”
“My guess is that you’re super-competitive, even with board games.”
“I reckon you can throw some sick moves on the dancefloor.”
These types of playful teases will spark her curiosity, as she’ll wonder what led you to such conclusions.
They also give her the opportunity to sell herself to you. Remember, she wants to be given the space to chase you. For her, this is far more exciting than having won you over from the very start.
It’s you that makes the date awesome, not the location.
However, if there’s something interesting to do or look at, this helps take the pressure off the conversation.
The silences are no longer awkward when there’s something else to focus on.
It could be as simple as a local museum, a walk in the park or some hipster cafe with an eccentric menu and weird ornaments on the walls.
It’s key that you can still talk though. That means avoiding the cinema, theatre or a Rammstein concert.
If she’s agreed to a date, she wants you to at least try and put some moves on her.
Don’t be afraid to get a little physical or to throw out some cheeky compliments.
If you’re moving too fast, she’ll let you know. In this case, back off and progress at a pace she’s more comfortable with. This is always better than not making any moves at all.
Finally, have a plan to invite her back to your place. Even the most mediocre date can’t be ‘boring’ if it ends with sex.
For more advice in this department, check out these five devilish tips for sealing the deal on the first date.
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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>