How to Kiss a Girl
Could that title be any more obvious and simple? “How to Kiss a Girl”—it sounds like a pamphlet that a bunch of precocious 3rd graders would read, however the title has to be simple and obvious because kissing girls has to be simple and obvious. So why then is this article necessary? Isn’t kissing attractive women something totally natural to straight men? Well, of course kissing hot women is natural—however, it’s not always easy.
That’s because “the kiss” represents that make-or-break moment, when you tip your hand, go for it, and cross the romantic Rubicon. There’s no turning back after a kiss: you like her and she knows it. Therefore, this article will focus on some overlooked aspects of kissing that’ll ensure you do it right every time.
Realize that when you go for the kiss—like when you go for most things in life—fortune favors the bold. If you don’t ever attempt to kiss a girl you like, you’ll never know the truth. You’ll live perpetually haunted by woulda, shoulda, coulda’s. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather get rejected a thousand times over not knowing the truth about so much as a single girl. For me, a girl turning her head to my kiss attempt is far less stinging than the constant internal prick of not knowing.
Thus, before we can even talk about the kiss, we must decide we will go for the kiss—with every girl we like, in every situation, at all costs. Really ask yourself, what’s the worst that can happen? She’ll find out you like her? That you’ll be revealed for the romantic, confident man that you are? If you’re afraid of women uncovering such truths, you shouldn’t be reading this article—or talking to girls to begin with.
If, however, you are the proud owner of a set of fully intact balls (preferably big) then we can move into the actual kiss. If you’re looking for a theatrical, over-the-top way to kiss women, I already covered that with the editor of this site, Bobby Rio, here. Rather than detail the mechanics of quick makeouts and barstool tongue downs, let’s examine the mindsets behind how to kiss a girl sensually, e.g., on a date.
Enter the BUNs method…
Like the Field of Dreams, “If you build it, they will come.” Building up the tension to a kiss is just as important as the kiss itself. This is a severely overlooked detail on most dates. All too often, I hear tales from my female friends or girlfriends about guys who did the old bait-and-switch: act like their friend one minute, then try to plant a kiss on them the next.
Avoid the awkwardness altogether and prep your lady for a kiss well before the actual event goes down. Ideally, you want to build the moments before a kiss in two ways: 1.) inject tension, 2.) start getting physical with her. So, for example, you might playfully tease her, but keep a straight face. As the girl giggles, she’ll look to you to see if you’re laughing too—don’t do it! Sometimes, by laughing, you’ll deflate a tense moment. Rather than deflate sexual tension with laughter, deflate it with…well…something sexual: like a kiss.
As you ramp up the tension, simultaneously also ramp up the amount you touch her. Great pre-kiss parts of her body to touch are her hair, her waist, or even just a light graze of your hand along her face. This gets her anticipating something sexual so that you don’t come off looking weird or socially inept when you swoop in for the smooch. Subtly and subtext should buttress your attitude when building up to the kiss.
I’ll bet if you stopped 100 random men on the street and asked them when the best time to kiss a woman on a date would be, like 104 of them would say, “At the end of the date!” (The extra 4 would be dumbasses walking by not even part of the survey but who just want to add their 2 cents.) We all know EVERY guy thinks kissing girls at the end of a date is the “right time.”
When Zack Bauer and I started seriously studying dating dynamics, we experimented with kissing women at all different phases of a date—including the first second of a first date. We found the more random the time we tried kissing women, the more responsive the girls were TO the kiss. For example, I had much better luck kissing a woman right off the bat as opposed to awkwardly at the end of a date.
Moreover, I had better luck pretending to drop a woman off at her doorstep and walking away, only to spin around, grab her by the arm, and do a Hollywood-style kiss when she wasn’t expecting it. The more unpredictable, the better.
“Never enough.” That should be how a woman feels when you kiss her. You don’t want to be the guy who sloppily tries to eek all the sexuality out of a solid kiss. Once you’re lip-locked with an attractive girl, give yourself a moment or two to enjoy yourself, then immediately cut it off.
I know this is much easier said than done, but if you want to keep the girl interested, it’s a prerequisite. All too often girls kiss guys, only to regret it when the guy transforms into a horny perv. A kiss is supposed to turn a frog into a prince, not the other way around.
Oh, and a little known fact of the female gender: often a girl will decide if she wants to see you again based on how you kiss her.
And no, it’s not so much about your “technique” than it is about how you react to the kiss—both before and after. If you can keep it simple and obvious, as my intro advised, while, at the same time, controlling your emotions while stoking hers, then you will probably see that girl again—and probably for much more than a kiss.
So, next time you’re on a date or interacting with an attractive woman, remember Rob’s BUNs method for easing into your first kiss!
If you’re wondering how to meet and attract women in as little time as possible, check out Rob’s book, which just won the prestigious “Editor’s Choice” award by Dating Skills Review.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.