What to do if She Turns Her Cheek When You Go for the Kiss
I can still remember the first date I ever had with a girl. It was during the summer after my sixth grade. I went to the movies to see “Ghost Dad” with this girl Kristen who I had been in love with for months.
I could not enjoy the movie, or the date, because the entire time I was deathly afraid of “making a move.”
The movie ended, and I never even gathered up the courage to put my arm around her… let alone go for the kiss.
It would be 7 years before I went on another date with a girl. But even older, even with the help of alcohol, I was still deathly afraid of going for the kiss.
Growing up I always associated the rejection of a failed kiss attempt as the ultimate in embarrassment. The mere thought of a girl turning her cheek as I went for the kiss would cause me to freeze up in anxiety.
The idiotic thing was that even when I was 99% certain a woman was interested in me… I still hesitated immensely before attempting to get physical. I would practically wait for the woman to say “KISS ME ALREADY” before I felt secure leaning in for the kiss.
There were several reasons that I was so fearful of going for the kiss:
1. I was afraid of other people finding out about the rejection. I thought I would completely lose face if people knew I got rejected going for the kiss.
2. I was afraid that I would blow all of the “progress” I was making with a girl if I went for the kiss too soon.
3. I was afraid of the awkwardness that would occur between the girl and me if she rejected my kiss attempt.
It seemed that my avoidance of going for the kiss was actually COUNTERPRODUCTIVE to avoiding the three big fears I had.
Let me explain.
My biggest fear always came down to “avoiding embarrassment.”
But my fear of going for the kiss was actually causing me MORE embarrassment than any failed kiss attempt had ever done.
You see I became known amongst my friends as the “shy guy.” My friends would often make fun of me mercilessly after hearing another one of my stories of me “chickening out” and not going for the kiss.
Girls in my social circle came to see me as a “nice guy” which we all know brutally destroys your chances of hooking up with women.
Also, while I feared ruining the “progress” I was making with girls by going for the kiss too soon, what was happening in reality was these “horny” college girls would get bored with my “prudish” behavior and quickly move on to another, more aggressive, guy.
And that awkwardness I feared if my kiss attempt got rejected could not be nearly as bad as the awkwardness I was commonly experiencing when I constantly BLEW PERFECT opportunities to go for the kiss. The woman would actually stare at me in BEWILDERMENT at my blatant lack of social intelligence.
It was towards the end of my sophomore year of college that I finally began to “catch on” to the huge mistakes I had previously been making.
I was just coming out of a year long relationship, and I was anxious to jump back into the dating world. I began really observing some of my “natural” friends and even started asking them a lot of questions about how they were so confident “going for the kiss.”
During that period I came to understand quite a bit about what women expect from a man (and even what they secretly want.)
Just as men are hard wired to want to escalate physically with a woman… women are hard wired to resist your advancements.
But they RESPECT a man who tries to move forward.
Even if they don’t want you to move forward… or aren’t ready yet, they will respect a man 100% more if he acts on his primal urges and goes after what he wants.
In the past I had always worried endlessly that I was being “disrespectful.” But the truth is women don’t find it disrespectful at all if you go for the kiss.
In fact, they secretly love the fact that they have stirred up that desire in you.
As I said earlier, women are programmed to stop your advance. There are a million reasons why they might be resisting…
Women love the pursuit, the drama, and the chase. Many times even when a woman is DYING for you to kiss her… she will resist just to build up the sexual tension.
Women LOVE sexual tension.
This often confuses us guys… and at the first sign of rejection, we put our tail between our legs, act like a big baby, and start pouting…
And this TOTALLY turns a woman off.
Other times a woman will say something like “slow down big guy” or “we should take it slow.”
They are FLIRTING.
But many of us will take this as rejection and immediately withdraw all of our advances. Doing this quickly diffuses all of the sexual tension… and now she does in fact REJECT you.
If you do get a cheek turn when you go for the kiss… IT IS NOT the end of the world.
In fact, it is a GREAT opportunity to display your social intelligence and have her actually become MORE attracted to you.
You see most men will turn into giant babies when a woman rejects their advances. These men will make things completely AKWARD by getting quiet, weird, or bitchy about the rejection.
Simply by taking a woman by surprise and acting in way that is completely different than her expectations you have a chance to become even more DESIRABLE to her.
There are several ways to do this…
One way is to continue the interaction EXACTLY how it was going… continue to build attraction and wait five or ten minutes and go for the kiss again.
Most women will be blown away by your confidence. The mere fact that you are displaying that you “expect” her to kiss shows massive amounts of self confidence.
There have been quite a few times now that girls have rejected several of my attempts before finally allowing the interaction to move forward. Hell, I can think of one time the girl slapped me twice (playfully) before I wound up sleeping with her later that night.
Even if she denies you again… as long as she still seems to be enjoying the interaction you can go for it again later in the night.
Many times, even when a woman wants to kiss you, she has a clock in her head that determines when she’ll kiss you. And it isn’t until that clock goes off that she will accept your advance.
In that case, just follow the two steps forward, one step back method of physical escalation.
Another extremely effective way to handle getting the cheek is to call out the elephant in the room.
This means that right after she gives you her cheek when you go for the kiss… simply say out loud:
“She slipped me the cheek? Damn!”
Or say something else that humorously acknowledges the fact she turned her cheek. I have a friend who was just telling me a story where a girl turned her cheek when he went for the kiss, and he says, (in a Seinfeld-like- voice, almost doing self commentary)
“That was a little awkward… totally wasn’t expecting her to give me the cheek.”
He said she quickly played along doing her own commentary “Yea… A little too fast… maybe if he seduced me a little bit more…”
Two hours later he slept with her.
It’s always better to go for the kiss…
And even if a woman really has no interest in kissing you… she will still respect you a lot more for going for the kiss than not going for it (unless she is giving you blatant signs of disinterest- but that is a whole other article).
Here is another article related to the subject: https://www.tsbmag.com/2008/02/05/when-she-wont-kiss-you/
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.