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Learn to Control Your Emotions


I sit at my laptop, sip the delicious foam of my Heineken Light, and peruse my Facebook messages. As a guy who writes dating advice, you can be sure my Facebook inbox is a hub for dating questions and requests for advice.

angerman2While I enjoy interacting with all you guys, and I do my best to help you, sometimes I get overwhelmed, which makes it hard for me to respond expediently. The vast majority of you understand that because you’re normal humans, with normal emotions. For you guys, there’s hope for you all.

But then a few of you DON’T understand that. That’s a problem.

The other day I had a guy write me a string of expletives, describing me in every permutation of four-lettered profanity, because I didn’t respond to his question fast enough for his liking. This was the same guy who originally asked me how to become more attractive to women….

Get Perspective!

I know this might seem like a thinly veiled venting session on guys who are impatient to have their problems addressed, but it’s more than that. This is a larger issue that a lot of guys struggle with in their attempts to improve their success with women. It’s the struggle with their emotions.

Part of becoming a man is learning how to control your internal state. I don’t say that in a patronizing “never cry or show an unmanly emotion!”-sort of way. Instead, I’m advising you to approach your emotions with some objectivity. Like a man.

Most people let their emotions dictate them, and not the other way around. This is why guys let beautiful women get them nervous, allow friends get them feeling self-conscious, and why unresponsive dating writers (sometimes!) cause them to write tirades on the internet. Emotions are clearly in control, and they’re just along for the ride.

People who susceptible to emotional outbursts are people I don’t want around me. I don’t want them as wingmen, as business associates, or even as friends. When emotions are you master, you have no real loyalty. You’re simply a leaf flapping in the wind (to invoke the Dante metaphor). You’ll turn on anyone or anything once your emotions turn.

Rule Number One

This leads me to the today’s piece of advice: get your emotions in check before you even CONSIDER learning to become successful with women. I know firsthand how harrowing and difficult it can be to keep your shit together when some attractive girl isn’t acting the way you’d like. If you can’t keep your cool messaging someone online how the fuck do you expect to suddenly be able to do it when the stakes are that much higher? It’s hopeless.

This little life lesson can also apply to starting a business, fitness, or any worthwhile activity that requires you to make “tough” decisions. The EASY thing to do is let yourself get swept away by the current of emotion. Don’t feel like working a 16-hour workday? No problem! Let your emotions override your work ethic. Don’t feel like skipping dessert? No problem! Let your emotions override your eating plan.

That’s how most people live their lives and that’s why most people are mediocre in most areas. Learning to control emotion is one of the most worthwhile “skills” you can teach yourself. Yet, because it’s easier not to, most people just let their emotions control them.

So the next time you’re boiling with anger, parlayed with fear, or just feel the pangs of hunger tugging at you, ask yourself: who’s in control? Are you doing what you know you should be doing…or are you doing what your emotions are telling you is the easier thing to do?

For some people, you can begin by not cursing me out on Facebook.

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

About Rob Judge

Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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