When She Only Talks About Herself
You need to take charge in conversation when all she can talk about is herself. Here are some strategies you can use to align the conversation away from her self-obsession.
Don’t feel like you’re being unreasonably demanding by being frustrated that her only topic of conversation is herself. While you want to get to know her, you don’t need to politely listen as she reels off her week thinking that it’s an intelligent conversation. It’s totally understandable if you’re looking for more in a girl than self-obsession.
To see if she is genuinely uninterested in topics outside of herself, steer the conversation towards broader issues. Ask for her opinion on things to have a more highbrow conversation than what she ate for lunch today. She will be offended if you rudely cut her off as she’s telling you inane details of her life, but she won’t necessarily notice that you’re trying to expand your conversational horizons by changing the topic when she pauses her life story. Also, consider what questions you’re asking her. If you’re asking her questions about herself and complain when that’s all she talks about, it’s your own fault.
Responding to what she’s talking about in kind can have a few different outcomes. Most likely, you’ll forget that you were annoyed by her incessant self-obsession as you shift the focus to yourself. You can then turn her stream-of-consciousness style of talk into a two-sided conversation. Alternatively, she will realise how she sounds as you mirror her conversation with anecdotes about your own life as she realises that it’s boring to listen to someone talk about themselves for too long.
There is the temptation to tune out when the conversation gets boring, but that will make the situation worse. She will think you’re an asshole if she realises that you’re not paying any attention whatsoever. Also, as your contribution to the conversation flat-lines, she will have no choice but to continue talking about herself. It’s impossible to change the topic in a one-sided exchange. You can’t disengage from the conversation if you want it to change to something a little more interesting.
The easiest topic for people to talk about is themselves. During an awkward silence, racking your brain for something to say, you’re probably going to come up with yet another thing to say about yourself. Have you considered that perhaps she is only talking nonstop about herself and her life because you’re not giving her enough to work with? A conversation needs both people to contribute. If you’re letting her take up all the silences and not coming up with anything exciting to say on your own, she will be forced to a position of awkwardly chatting about herself. Make sure that you’re engaged with the conversation and are trying to respond to what she’s saying with stories of your own.
About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at: http://mensstyleandfashion.com/