Dating Multiple Girls: The Rules
Modern dating is so much different from “traditional dating” that it’s almost unrecognizable. Almost like how everyone one day decided to start shaving off pubic hair, the rulebook of dating seemingly came out of no where yet everyone embraced it. One of the most prevalent (and shocking) aspects of modern dating is the casualness by which men and women date multiple prospects at the same time.
In big cities, it’s almost a joke to expect someone you’re “dating” to only be dating you. Until both parties agree to be “exclusive” dating more than person is perfectly within the boundaries of acceptable dating behavior (or at least acceptable modern dating behavior).
Most guys assume this is a good thing, allowing them to express their inner polygamist without having to be secretive or feel guilty. However, in my experience, the real benefactors of the new dating game are women, as they’re the ones being flooded with dating options and opportunities. Unless, however, you’re a guy who “gets it,” having honed your ability to meet and attract women. If so, then you too can reap the benefits (and fun) that modern dating has to offer.
Some people question the morality of dating multiple women. Please don’t confuse “dating multiple women” with cheating. Never once have I (or, to my knowledge TSB Magazine) ever advocated cheating or dishonesty. If a girl is under the impression that you’re exclusive and you see other women behind her back, that’s not cool (and probably won’t end well for you).
If, however, you’ve just begun to see a woman—gone on a few dates—and you abruptly cut off all contact with other prospects, then you’re simply not playing the modern dating game right. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the girl you’re seeing probably has plenty of other guys on the line. Some may be actively taking her out while others may be in the “bullpen,” chomping at the bit to get their chance.
Part of the reason many women are so detached (and sometimes flaky) in the early stages of dating is because they’re NOT coming from a scarcity mentality. They know that if things don’t work out, they won’t be hard-pressed to find a replacement. If you’re not coming from the same headspace then you’re just not doing your job as an attractive guy.
As I already mentioned, the “rules” for dating multiple people are unspoken—yet they exist. One of the most misunderstood rules is also the first rule of dating multiple people: you don’t talk about dating multiple people. Just assume she’s dating multiple people and that she knows you’re dating multiple people.
Don’t be fooled: even if she claims she’s not seeing other guys, she’s almost definitely keeping some of her options on the table. Some women will hide behind semantics, and will claim that they’re NOT “dating” other men. Do yourself a favor and assume otherwise. Hilariously, you only STOP making that assumption WHEN you both agree to be “exclusive.”
Secondly, if you want to date multiple women, you have to actively limit the amount of time you spend with any one woman a week. If you start seeing her more than once (twice, absolute maximum) a week, you’re setting yourself up to have the “let’s be exclusive” talk. Playing the dating multiple women game right means exercising some self-control and not seeing her whenever you feel like it.
Third, always (and I repeat ALWAYS) use condoms. Aside for the obvious health reasons, condoms are important for silently communicating the casualness of the relationship. If she invites you not to use a condom, and you accept that invitation, know full well that you’re setting yourself up to become more exclusive in the very near future.
Finally, respect her privacy as well as her dignity. That means: 1.) don’t snoop on her, trying to find out who she’s also dating, and 2.) don’t leave obvious signs that you’re dating other women. Clean your apartment before she comes, making sure to stash any left-behind jewelry or other female paraphernalia. Also, always throw away used condoms (ideally in a garbage shoot or outdoor trash can). And never, ever think it’s okay to break into her phone to look over her text messages or invade her privacy.
If you can play by those “rules,” you can enjoy a very active dating life that involves a variety of options. Moreover, you will cultivate an “abundance mentality,” which will let you see a woman’s positive and negative qualities with more clarity and objectivity. This, ultimately, will simply make you better at the game known as “modern daing.”
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
About Rob Judge Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in Scottsdate. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness. Get Coaching with Rob: https://www.tsbmag.com/private-coaching-with-rob-judge/