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Is She Shy, Or Just Not Interested?

It?s hard to tell if the girl you?re talking to is just trying to fill in time, or is into you but doesn?t have the confidence to show it. You can?t work on the presumption that she?s interested but shy. You would be wasting your time if she turns out to be uninterested, and even if she is into you, you would be overstepping her boundaries in trying to flirt with her. It can be difficult to figure out the difference, but there are some key signs to look for.

It?s in the eyes

You can gauge a lot from how she looks at you. If you hold eye contact with each other for a few seconds at a time- especially if she smiles when you make meaningful eye contact- it?s a sign she?s interested, even if she struggles to show it in her words or body language. In contrast, a woman who avoids eye contact with you- or stares you down if you try to hold eye contact with her- does not like you.

Is she willingly talking to you?

At a social event where there are plenty of other people she could talk to, and she?s chosen to talk to you even though she?s struggling to actually participate in that conversation, you can bet that she?s shy. Her eyes aren?t darting around looking for someone better; she is giving you her full attention. This doesn?t necessarily mean she?s into you- she may just feel more uncomfortable talking to anyone else in the room. However, it is a good sign, and it?s a chance for you to build up rapport. If she truly is shy, it only takes time before she feels comfortable with you; if she?s not interested, she won?t give you that much time.

Is she shy with everyone?

If she?s so much more standoffish with you than she is with everyone else, it?s not that she?s shy; it?s that she doesn?t like you. It?s not a bad sign if she?s only slightly quieter with you than with others- it could be that she is interested in you and this makes her a little more bashful. For some women, particularly if they?re inexperienced, it is totally normal to be extra shy around the guy they want. She will smile at you, look at you, try to be around you- but she?ll struggle to talk to you. This is totally different from a girl who struggles to talk to you because she?s bored by you. She will give her attention to people that she finds exciting. Of course, she?s not going to be shy with her own friends. It wouldn?t be a fair comparison to look at how she is with you against how she?s at ease with a close male friend.

Drunken friendliness does not mean she?s interested

Being stone-cold while sober and uncharacteristically affectionate and playful while intoxicated does not indicate that she?s been hiding her interest for you under a veneer of shyness. It?s possible, but it?s also equally likely that she?s not at all excited for you, and is just an exceptionally friendly drunk. Don?t misinterpret this as a sign she?s interested; it honestly doesn?t mean anything.

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About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at:

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