5 “Nice Guy” Texts That Lead to the Friend Zone
In this video Bobby and Rob discuss 5 texting mistakes that lead to the friend zone and hurt your chances with a girl. If you’ve ever had a girl go cold or stop answering your messages, chances are you were making at least one of these deadly texting mistakes.
Bobby Rio: Hey guys, I’m Bobby Rio, back with Rob Judge and we’ve got another video for you today. Today, we’re going to be talking about texting, and this video may hit home for a lot of guys. I know when I started figuring this stuff out, and I know, you too, we both experienced this, because there’s a phenomenon that a lot of people go through.
It’s where you hit it off with a girl, you get her number, things are going well, and then you start to realize that she’s pulling away. Her texts either she goes from taking five minutes to respond to taking five hours. She goes from writing you back these long messages to writing “LOL,” “ha ha,” and she puts no effort into it. Me and him always say you get the feeling after a while that you’re sending these texts and she’s sitting there laying in bed with some dude laughing about your text. We’ve all been there. We’ve sent the text and picture her with some dude that she got done banging, showing him the text you sent.
Listen, the reason this happens and it happens to everybody is because there’s some common mistakes that you’re probably making with the way you text girls because texting is something that seems very simple but it’s a huge part of how a relationship moves forward now. It used to be phone calls. It used to be meeting in person, but now a majority of what’s going on, and Rob and I have a saying that everything that happens when you’re away from a girl is almost more important than when you’re with her. It’s what she thinks about you when you’re not around, and texting controls what she thinks about, so let’s talk about some of the most common mistakes.
The first mistake is confessing your feelings over text. This may sound obvious to some people. Other people may be going … I was one of those guys. I remember being in a friend zone with a girl, and I was in a friend zone and I thought something might be going on, so one night I had a few beers in me and I’m like, “Let me just let her know,” so I send her the text like, “Hey, I think I’m starting to have feelings for you” or something along those lines and, of course, the next day I get whatever the text was, it wasn’t good. It led to her going, “We need to talk” and me getting the “I see you as a friend,” and that’s where the confessing your feelings over text leads. That was an obvious example.
A lot of guys make a less obvious where they may send her something like, “Oh, you’re really cute. I had a really good time with you. I can’t wait to see you again,” and too early in a relationship, that comes across as too needy, too hungry, too desperate. You want to leave some mystery to what you’re thinking in your text.
Rob Judge: Along with that, and less obvious but very prevalent, a mistake a lot of guys make is by sending what I call “nice guy texts.” This is where you’re not coming out and saying, “Hey, I like you,” or “Hey, I have feelings for you,” but you’re sending her texts like, “Hey, what’s up? How is your day going? Nice day out today.” You’re basically sending her texts that really don’t have any … There’s no need to be sending these texts other than the fact that you want to be reassured that she’s responding.
A lot of guys, and this is something we talk about often, a lot of guys mistake her responding as interest. She might say, “Yeah, my day’s going fine,” or “Yeah, it is a nice day out,” or the myriad of other responses to nice guy texts, but in actuality, every time she’s pulling out her phone and she’s reading these texts that aren’t getting her emotional, that’s not adding to her day, that’s not adding any sort of emotion or humor or showing any aspect of your personality, you’re simply just “checking in” with her to make sure that she’s okay, the only thing that’s going to be doing is lowering and lowering her attraction … There wasn’t any attraction for you. Her interest is just going womp, womp, womp every time she sees one of those texts.
Bobby Rio: Another mistake that nice guys make is not only are they constantly texting her these “hope your day is going well” and those, like he said, “checking in” texts, they’re also too available. You may have heard us say before, “Those who look hungry never get fed,” and when you’re always available, whenever she texts you if you text her right back or if she sends you a late-night “what are you doing” text and you’re so excited, “Oh, man. She texted me. It’s 12 at night on a Friday. I got to get right back to her,” you’re essentially saying when she goes, “What are you doing?,” you’re writing back, “I’m not really doing anything important that I would rather be talking to you.”
You can’t be too available because girls pick up on this and even though a mistake a lot of guys make, and we’ve all made it is when we sense a girl likes us, we think, “Oh, wow. She likes us. I can now be myself and be totally available and she seems to want … She’s texting me on a Friday night. That means she wants to hang out with me.” What she’s doing on a surface level or maybe consciously doing it, most of the time it’s unconscious, she’s going, “How much does this guy like me? I’m going to text him on a Friday night. How fast is he going to get back to me? Will he leave the guys he’s with, hanging out with, having a good time, to go meet me?” These are all things she picks up on and like we’ve said, “Those who look hungry never get fed.” Those that are too available will basically stay available.
Rob Judge: Another huge trap guys fall into and this has accounted for more guys not getting the girl that they really like is by accidentally texting themselves into the friend zone, and the way you do this is by becoming her text buddy. A lot of guys look at texting as, “Oh, she’s responding. Oh, we’re going to get to know each other. We’re going to develop all this rapport,” and that is not how you want to be using texts. Texts should be simply to get her emotional and get her out on dates, initially.
Before you’ve had sex with her, you don’t want to become her text buddy where you’re going back and forth, you’re texting each other these long, drawn-out conversations because the saying I like to use, and I actually picked this up from a very notorious New York City playboy is he once said to me, “Before you have sex with a girl, it’s way better off that you give her the movie trailer version of you than give her the whole movie because once she’s seen the whole movie before sex, she’s going to move on to the next guy. She’s going to move on to that next movie trailer. Give her just the movie trailer. Leave her wanting more. Don’t give her the full story and the way you do that is by being a little judicious in how much you’re texting her.”
Bobby Rio: Yeah, definitely. The final mistake I wanted to talk about is something that a lot of guys do and that’s giving up too soon. A lot of guys are too scared of being persistent because they know that they don’t want to come across as needy or desperate, and when you’re persistent in the wrong way, yes, you do totally come off needy and desperate, and that’s why we put this video together to steer you away from the wrong type of persistence, but what you have to understand with women is that getting them on, turning them out, is that every woman is like a lock, and you have to find the right key. When you use the right key, you can turn her on, change her entire perception of you because remember what we said earlier. Her feelings of you are more based on what she’s thinking about when she’s not with you, so when you figure out the right text to send, you can send these subliminal …
If you’ve seen the movie Inception where you’re able to plant ideas in a girl’s mind and lead her back towards the outcome you want, and the right text allows you to do that. Rob, here, sick genius that he is, created something called the key-lock sequence, and there’s a video below where we walk you through this. When you use this, you can have a girl who may have already put you in the friend zone. You could have a girl who’s giving you those one-word responses. You can have a girl who’s already said, “Hey, I’m not really into you,” and if you do this right and you use these three simple texts that you’re going to be sending her, you’ll totally transform the way she thinks about you and in the process, she goes from maybe going, “Eh, I’m not really into him” to all of a sudden, you’re getting those 1:00 AM booty call texts from her, so check out the video below and we’re going to walk you through what we call the key-lock sequence.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.