Dating After 30: 5 More Pointers that Keep Younger Women Coming Back for More [Part 2 of 2]
This article is Part 2 of a 2-part series. See Part 1 HERE
Dating in your 30’s means dating in your prime. Never will you be more attractive to women (of all ages) than the years proceeding your 30th birthday. However, it’s NOT guaranteed.
In order to reap the aforementioned romantic benefits of your age, it’s crucial you carry yourself in a way that conveys confidence, pride, and power that comes from the experiences you’ve had over the past 3 decades.
Unfortunately, most guys in their 30s don’t see their age as an advantage and so they end up squandering it as they try to play the game like a guy in his 20’s who never grew up, never evolved.
Don’t be that guy! Instead, follow the 5 pointers below and make the most of being a bachelor in your 30s!
1. Volunteering to Solve Her Problems Won’t Attract Her
While a guy in his 30’s should have something to offer in the way of wisdom and knowledge (see: pointers 3 and 4 from Part 1), don’t take it too far and become Captain Problem-Solver. I’ve seen a lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that making it to your 30s qualifies you as some Mr. Know-It-All white knight who must rush to help any young, struggling damsel with her problems (and, in return, he believes she’ll thank him with her sex and affection).
Offering unsolicited favors or advice doesn’t get you looking more attractive to younger women; just the opposite, it’ll probably leave you looking condescending (at best) and supplicating (at worst). No matter how much she bitches, no matter how easy it would be to jump in and assist her, unless she asks for your help, all you need to do is politely listen and offer her reassurance she’ll get through it.
If she does ask for your help, it’s your call whether or not you want to involve yourself and—if so—just how much. As a word of warning, understand that offering a woman (and especially a younger woman) your “assistance” sets a precedent that can quickly turn you into her sugar daddy. If you’re ready to deal with that, fine, but if you’re trying to date her without wondering if she’s in it for you or your wallet, be wary with assistance—particularly when it’s not even being sought.
2. You’re Only a Boss if You Make Boss Moves
I know, I know, you’ve heard this one before: it pays to be the boss. Men envy you, women desire you. Nothing new or groundbreaking there—I get it; that said, what a lot guys don’t get is being a boss is not something you say, it’s something you do. When a man hits 30 the rubber meets the road and he’s sitting on top of the food chain as the boss or he’s sinking into a bottomless pit of middle management.
Where you’re at has nothing to do with your career and everything to do with how you handle your shit. For example, if you’re on a date, and the check comes, ask yourself this: if there were an after-hours outing at a local bar, what sort of boss would ask his employees to “go halves” with him on a celebratory round of drinks? Answer: a really shitty one! (And one who is probably resented by his underlings and, as such, won’t be boss for too long.)
Make decisions as if you were that chill boss who goes around high-fiving his team during business hours then is also right there with them after hours, throwing down shots of Fireball after hours. You can get away with some middle manager moves in your 20s but after 30 you’re either making boss moves or a bitch moves. There’s no in-between.
3. When It Comes to Her, Find the “Curious” Sweet Spot
Place a hot girl in her early 20’s in front of your typical 30-year-old dude and he’ll probably react to whatever she says with too much enthusiasm or none at all. To once again mention the age gap, a man in his 20’s doesn’t always totally relate to a woman in her early 20’s. Not only when it comes to taste in things like music or pop culture, but also life in general.
For instance, imagine a girl in her early 20’s, who’s just brought up how stressed she is about a college paper she has due. If you turned in your last college term paper over a decade ago, how should that you react? On the one hand, you obviously doesn’t want to betray how excited you are to be dating such a young, hot college girl and seem overeager to show her you “completely understand” what she’s going through. Yet you also shouldn’t respond like you’re bored and disinterested, as if you can’t be bothered with something as trivial as a college paper.
When it comes to things that an older guy can’t fully appreciate, understand, comprehend, or just doesn’t really care about (e.g., the latest pop culture heartthrob), finding something—anything—to be curious about is the “sweet spot” of communicating with hot, younger women that you may not have much in common with.
Curiosity shows her that you’re not faking your interest because she’s hot; instead, you’re intrigued by something she mentioned and you’re humble and open-minded enough to give her the opportunity to teach or explain it to you.
4. Have Expectations and Voice Them
Having expectations and standards is an attractive quality in men of all ages; however, it becomes a requirement when you hit 30. As we’ve already established, your 30’s is a time to make boss moves—but that doesn’t just mean being a “Good Time Charlie.”
A man in his 30’s who treats people well should expect the same in return—no exceptions. If someone oversteps your boundaries of acceptable behavior you should have no problem letting them know in no uncertain terms. While it may cause tension—or even conflict—remaining true to yourself, to your worth as a man, is more important.
It takes a strong man to remain stoic in tense moments. Where a weaker man would back down, and allow for disrespect (even if only momentarily), so to maintain the “peace,” an attractive man in his 30’s never “bargains” when it comes how he’s treated. If you know you deserve the best, don’t hesitate in communicating it.
5. Inspire without Intimidating
Perhaps the most important thing a guy in his 30’s can do, not only with women, but in his everyday life as well, is inspire those around them without making them feel insignificant or lost. As I’ve said throughout both Part 1 and 2 of this series, what makes a man in his 30’s attractive is that he’s old enough to have had significant life experiences yet young enough to be relatable and compatible with younger women.
As I explained in pointer #1, you can use your powers of life experience to make women feel better or worse about you. If you talk about yourself and what you’ve done in a lofty, bragging way, you’ll come off as intimidating (at best) or an insecure aging douchebag (at worst).
Even if you don’t mean to brag or come off intimidating, not every girl in her 20’s has her life together like a guy in his 30’s often does. And so, just by offhandedly mentioning things in your life you take for granted (your house, education, career, ect.), you may overwhelm her.
The solution: sprinkle in some healthy self-deprecating humor whenever something one of your accomplishments or successes comes up. For example, if you drive a flashy sports car, play it off a bit by saying, “Haha yeah, I sometimes let me inner 12-year-old boy make my financial decisions.”
By making a joke of buying a nice car, you keep yourself relatable. Let your accomplishments speak for themselves. Use your words to make success seem within her reach, as well. She’ll admire you for it.
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About Rob Judge Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in Scottsdate. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness. Get Coaching with Rob: https://www.tsbmag.com/private-coaching-with-rob-judge/