6 Ways To Tell If She’s Ignoring You Or Just Busy
One of the hardest things to decipher in the single world is silence. How do you respond or feel when the girl you’re talking to stops responding?
You start wondering why she’s gotten quiet. Is she just busy with work? Is she ignoring me? Should I move on?
It’s not an easy situation to be in for a single guy. You get confused, stressed, and possibly, upset.
Luckily, there are some situation and cues that will help you figure out if you still have a shot, or if it’s time to move on.
Here are 6 situations single guys may find themselves in when a girl stops responding. Each offers a verdict of whether she’s ignoring you, busy, or something else entirely.
Verdict: She’s probably ignoring you.
This doesn’t take a rocket scientist to decipher. The distance between the Instagram app and her text messages is between 5 millimeters and 2 inches on her phone screen.
If she’s clearly using social media but not responding to your texts, it’s probably a sign that she’s ignoring you.
The best thing you can do in this situation is show her you don’t need her by not freaking out and sending a bunch of texts (see #2). In a few days, give it another try by sending her a message.
Verdict: Hard to tell, but stop sending her so many texts, or she’s going to think you’re crazy.
In this case, I’m less worried about her being busy or ignoring you. It’s probably appropriate to put more blame on the guy than the girl.
There are very few good reasons to text someone 4 times without a reply. For example, if your house catches on fire. In that case, feel free to send someone 4 texts in a row. Other than that, it’s too much.
Whether she’s busy or ignoring you, it actually looks bad for you that you can’t wait for her to get back to you. It suggests you are impulsive and insecure.
Send a text, and if she answers, great. If she doesn’t, wait a full day before you send her a second text. Yes, a full day. If she doesn’t answer the second text either, get back on your favorite dating app and get to work.
Verdict: She’s busy.
A good sign that she’s interested but genuinely has a lot on her plate is that she still texts you first. Do your best to understand her situation and give her space if she really does have a lot going on. Ask if you can take her out or support her somehow. Girls like that.
Be aware, though. If every first text leads with “sorry!”, “I’m the worst!”, or “I forgot!”, this is actually bad news. Once or twice is fine, but excessively means that she is just stringing you along. At some point, she has to take the initiative to change her behavior.
If this is the case, she is also probably bad at prioritizing and a little all over the place. Unless you’re okay with that, it’s probably time to move on.
Verdict: She’s ignoring you. And she’s not that into you.
If you’re trying to decide if she’s ignoring you or just busy, go re-read the last few text messages before she went MIA. Look for patterns. When does she usually stop replying?
Instead of being upfront about their intentions, many girls think it’s easier to “let a guy down easy” by not saying anything at all.
If your attempts to take things to the next level are met with radio silence, she wants you to know the feelings aren’t mutual. Don’t believe it’s because she was busy.
Verdict: She’s not as busy as she’s pretending to be.
When a girl sends you a text message saying she “has to” do something, beware. When it comes to social outings, women have far more say over things than guys do. It’s rare that women “have to” do anything social.
Call it society, call it what you want, but it’s true. Here’s why:
It’s far more likely that- as a guy- you’ll get stuck doing something you don’t really want to do. Single women almost always have more than one option, so if it isn’t something that floats their boat, they’ll find an excuse to not do it.
Now, she could totally have to do something work-related that causes her to cancel. That’s probably real and you should live with that. Canceling once isn’t a big deal.
But if she says she “has to” cancel multiple times, it’s almost guaranteed that “has to” actually means she isn’t feeling it.
Verdict: Tough to say. But you may just want to move on.
If she only texts you at 6am, 11pm, or on her lunch break, there’s no telling what her deal really is. Maybe she’s busy. Maybe she’s ignoring you. Maybe she’s got 4 guys on the hook and you’re her late night call.
Regardless, in a situation like this, it might be best for all parties to just move on.
If she’s busy, that’s a sign of things to come. She’s not going to have much time to hang out, go on dates, or be with you if it ends up working out. It may be best to cut bait and find someone with a better schedule.
If she’s ignoring you or sporadically answering, you aren’t a priority. You’ll probably waste a few more weeks on her before you realize this arrangement isn’t what you want.
And if it’s neither- she’s not busy, she’s not ignoring you, but for some reason, you never talk, that’s just odd and probably not a good situation either.
About Ben Kissam American coach and sports psych based in Germany. I use psychology tools to make informed decisions about dating and life.