When A Girl Says ‘She’s Tired’
If you’re a healthy, red-blooded male, sometimes it can seem like having sex is the only thing in life worth pursuing.
As if all happiness in life exists between the half hour (or half minute) you get to roll around in bed.
But this is dumb.
As far as causes of happiness go, sex is pretty overrated.
If you feel like a loser, hate your life, and are generally miserable, then no amount of hunka-chunka is going to make you feel better.
At best you’ll get a temporary high. You may as well have eaten sugar.
However, if you are pretty happy, I’d bet the farm you’d be more likely to have a lot of sex.
People who are happy have more sex. Rather than being a cause of happiness, sex is, in fact, an outcome.
This means that no matter what kind of relationship you’re in if you want more sex – the answer isn’t to try and manipulate people into sex but to be more happy with your own life.
… And that’s the end of the article. Go and sort your life out, then come back to me.
You’ve done that already?
You’re telling me you’re genuinely happy with your own life. You feel great and you’re having a great time?
This is where it becomes tricky, and you’re going to need to learn a thing called empathy.
If you’ve got your shit together, but you want to amp up your sex life, you’re going to have to learn a few important things.
If you were exhausted, would you really want to have sex?
If you had a headache, would you really want to have sex?
Okay, maybe I’m asking the wrong guy.
Look, sometimes, she’s just genuinely tired and genuinely doesn’t feel that great. It happens. So what. Move on.
Don’t take it personally because it isn’t personal.
Yeah, I know as guys we could have sex half submerged in the sinking wreckage of Titanic, but that’s us.
Most times, we don’t need a motivation, we just need a place.
Take a step outside of yourself and try and imagine if that didn’t exist. Yes, I know, it means you aren’t going to get laid right now, but understanding this will pay off later on.
But for now – if she’s tired or any that stuff – just go to the bathroom and rediscover your favorite teenage hobby.
I’m of the general belief that whenever a guy says ‘women are so over emotional’ he’s actually saying ‘I’m really over emotional but almost completely unconscious of it’, and he’s just projecting that onto other people.
But because I’m unconscious and projecting, I’m here to say that women are more emotional than us.
Their feelings matter a lot more than (we think) ours do.
Remember how I said we didn’t need a motivation we just needed a place? Well for women they need a place and a motivation.
And sometimes, that motivation is acting against her sex drive.
On any given day, a woman can feel any of the following:
Stressed, unattractive, fat, neurotic, depressed, angry, sad, afraid, rundown, worn out, embarrassed, or just in some kind of existential crisis.
This could be because of work, hormones, her friends, her parents, the weather, anything. Sometimes it just happens.
Learning to empathize with this will make you a lot better with women (and yourself).
Now, this isn’t to say she can’t feel happiness. I’m not that much of a downer. I’m just saying that if she feels any of these, she’s not going to be ‘in the mood’ because her mood is already pretty bad.
And that’s pretty understandable.
Like I said before, don’t take it personally and move on.
Now, both of the examples I’ve given so far have little to nothing to do with you. You want to have sex and she doesn’t.
And in those instances, you’re what the ancient Greeks used to call ‘shit out of luck’.
But sometimes, it IS your fault.
And in these instances, you’ve gotta sort yourself out and get back in the game. Not just for you, but for her too.
Let me explain:
When a woman is in the mood and wants to get your pants off, everything is a little self-explanatory. You already know what to do, and you don’t need some asshole on the internet to tell you.
(But if you do the answer is to take your goddamn pants off and have sex).
Likewise, when she’s not in the mood or feeling tired for reasons completely unrelated to you – then as I’ve explained above… It’s pretty self-explanatory. Leave it be and move on.
But a lot of the time, the situation is a little different.
She’s either not in the mood because of YOU.
She’s indifferent, and that isn’t changing because of YOU.
And the answer to both of these is the same.
Go back to basics and put your Game cap back on.
I speak to a lot of guys in relationships, and when their sex life has started to head to a dead end, it’s almost always because of two distinct reasons:
In other words, they are neither attractive nor arousing. Aka, they aren’t sexy. Aka, nobody would want to sex with them.
It’s no surprise then that when they fix both of these things they start to have a lot more sex.
The reason for this is simple.
Whilst their girlfriend (like any normal human being) isn’t always in the mood to have sex, she is now in the company of someone she finds attractive and who is actively taking steps to put the moves on her, turn her on, and get her between the sheets.
On the days when she’s indifferent about having sex, this is something that she finds amusing, and then a turn on.
Especially when the guy goes about it in a fun way.
This is something you naturally take care of if you empathize with the woman you’re with.
No I know you might be thinking – ‘Well that’s all well and good for people in relationships…’
This advice is universal. Whether you’ve known her for 20 years, 1 year, 1 month, or 1 day.
It’s all the same.
Women are turned on by being found to be a turn on. The more you act on your desire, the more likely you are to have a better sex life.
Again, this is just empathizing with a woman’s sexuality.
One of the easiest ways I get guys to understand this is to date their girlfriend like it’s the first date of their relationship. I say: keep things fun, light, and exciting.
And hit on her like you want to get laid.
Because y’know, you do.
It’s that simple.
Only REMEMBER: As I said at the start, this will only work if you sort out your own life first. Don’t think you can skip that part.
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About John Matich John is a writer from the UK who splits his time between travelling the world and trying to find unconventional solutions to dating and personal development. You can find more from him at www.lifeuncivilized.com.