How To Start Being The Man She Wants
?What do women want??
Well first off, if you?re even curious about the answer to this question – that?s not a good sign.
Instead of wondering how to be the man she wants, you should be wondering whether you like her. Because when it comes to being a man women want, that?s exactly what you need to do.
But like most things in dating, it?s easier said than done.
So pull up a chair, get yourself a nice hot mug of alcoholic cocoa – and let?s explain this bad boy.
This is all about you, and not about her.
You might think she wants X, Y, and Z (I?ll take a risk and guess you?re thinking looks, money, and status), but in reality, you have no idea.
Her feelings will change on a daily basis. Sometimes your behaviors will make her swoon, other times they?ll leave her feeling smothered. And there is literally nothing you can do to predict, understand, or control this.
So don?t even try, or (spoiler) you?ll just make it worse.
If you want to start being the man she wants, you have to first understand that this is about you – not her. It?s about building a ?with yourself so that you?re the kind of man you want to be.
And if you really consider that – divorcing it from all the ego, the desire to be cool, to be loved, to be some stereotypical, vapid idea of who you want to be, and instead reducing it down to the kind of genuine, confident decisions you want to be making – you?ll find that who you want to be is actually pretty simple.
And it?s easy to see why she?d be attracted to it.
Alright, that?s a fairly aggressive headline, but if you want to start being the man she wants, then this is the first thing you have to do.
But what do I mean by ?stop deluding yourself?. Well, I mean a bunch of things all at once.
NUMERO UNO: Stop convincing yourself that you?re in love / have some ?special? connection with a woman just because she has a nice pair of boobs, you?re attracted to her, and your friends would be impressed if she was your girlfriend.
This is a big one, and it?s the first mistake that you absolutely cannot make. I don?t care if she?s a Victoria?s Secret Angel, your favorite porn star, or a Disney Princess – do not pursue her for her looks alone and convince yourself it?s for some ?other reason.?
Because if you pursue her for her looks alone, but convince yourself it?s for some genuine reason, all you?re actually doing is pursuing emotional validation.
You feel that you need some hot girl in your life in order to make yourself feel worthwhile, to impress people (because you?re vain), and to help drown out your mommy issues.
Instead, you should, despite how badly your need for validation tells you otherwise, be comfortable rejecting women no matter how attractive they are.
If they aren?t right for you or your life, or you feel nothing for them, find them boring, dull, or vapid – you get rid of them.
I don?t care how hot they are. God invented masturbation for a reason.
NUMERO DOS: Stop deluding yourself that you can?t improve your ability with women, make yourself better looking, or that the world is somehow against you.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the only one holding you back is you. There are hundreds of women out there that would fall in love with you, sleep with you, hell, a few would even marry you. You?re just not letting yourself meet them.
You hold yourself back by dressing like crap, being too scared to approach, and by not building a life that takes care of your basic needs. This all closes you off to opportunities by either being too unattractive for them (when you don?t need to be), or letting them pass you by (when you don?t have to).
And yeah, that?s not a good way to run your life.
Just behind men chasing women for stupid reasons is the fact that men don?t even nearly approach their potential, but then somehow end up deluding themselves that this is someone else?s fault and that they?re as good as they ever could be.
In reality, they could have a far, far better dating life, and far, far more rewarding s – but they just don?t put the effort in.
Is that what you?re gonna do?
NUMERO TRES: Stop deluding yourself into thinking ‘love’, ‘sex’, or anything to do with women will make you happy.
Here?s a reality check. If you constantly pursue women, love, or sex because you feel deep down that they will make you happy – then they never, ever will.
The sex will be a hollow, empty exercise in emotional validation, that has you constantly fearing being turned down. The love will be misguided, shallow, and filled with jealousy, game playing, and a fear that she?ll leave. And the women you attract into your life will be pursued by you and pursuing you for all the wrong reasons.
This is what is professionally known as a shit show.
A shit show that will continually make you miserable, all the while building the habit of you pursuing it all the more.
To quote Austin Powers – ?Woopty doo, what does it all mean Basil??
In short, what this all means is that you have to put yourself first. You have to cut through the emotions, manage your behavior, and take care of yourself – so that you?re legitimately coming from a place of what you want to do.
This is how you become the man she wants. You become okay with whether she likes you or not, and you?re primarily concerned with what it is you want to do.
Living in his way helps you cut through your habits of neediness, manage it when it arises, and stop reinforcing the behaviors you don?t want to reinforce.
You?re just as attracted to hot women as any other guy, but their attractiveness doesn?t dominate your decision making and make you act like a fool. You want to get laid sure, and you probably hope they?re interesting and cool – but if neither of those things works out, you?ll survive.
You?re going to feel down, like you can?t do it, and that the odds are stacked against you. I mean, who doesn?t feel that way from time to time? But instead of getting hammered down by this, and letting it keep you down – you take the time to manage your emotions and instead drive your behavior in a positive direction. Building your life piece by piece until it is where you want it to be.
You?re obviously going to want to pursue sex?and women in general for shallow reasons – every guy does this. But instead of letting this desire dictate your life, you channel it through what works for you. What makes you happy and what doesn?t. You pursue your desire when it?s legitimate, but when it?s for validation, you don?t.
In other words, you cut through your bad habits and return to that simple question:
?What do I want to do??
Do I want to call her? Or do I feel I have to?
Do I want to text to? Or do I feel I have to?
Do I want to sleep with her? Or do I feel I need to?
Do I want to see her? Or do I feel I might lose her if I don?t?
Do I even like her? Or do I feel I need her in my life?
Any woman worth her salt doesn?t want a man who feels he needs to be with her. She wants a man who?s comfortable in his own skin and comfortable saying no to her if that?s what he genuinely wants to do.
Women who feel they want a man who?s dependent on them, or constantly chasing them, do so from a place of neediness and desperation. They want the attention and validation, and in doing so only attract men who want the same thing.
They don?t know it, but they?re turning away the men who they?d rather have because those men can smell their toxic behaviors a mile away.
Women who are great in any length of value authenticity. They like a guy who is who he is, says want he wants to say and does what he wants to do. They don?t like a guy who is constantly feeling like he has to alter himself, or is pursuing her for reasons that have nothing to do with his genuine wants, but more to do with his emotional issues.
And if you put yourself in their shoes – is this really surprising?
Who would want that?
If you ask yourself what kind of you really want with women – do you really want a needy, dependent woman? Or do you want a woman who?s independent but chooses to be with you anyway?
Because it?s your answer to that question that determines whether or not you’ll end up being the kind of man women want.
About John Matich John is a writer from the UK who splits his time between travelling the world and trying to find unconventional solutions to dating and personal development. You can find more from him at www.lifeuncivilized.com.