How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
Do you struggle to approach women in a nightclub because it feels like there are so many guys who are richer and better-looking than you?
Perhaps you’re wary about taking up any beautiful woman’s time when there’s so many better dudes out there.
This is an extremely common problem.
After all, no matter who you are or what you’re trying to be, there will always be someone better.
Comparing yourself to other guys will intensify your insecurities, stifle you in social situations and prevent you from showing off your full personality.
In short, it’s probably a habit worth dropping.
Below, we explore some actions you can take to stop comparing yourself with others.
The solution isn’t to brainwash yourself into thinking you’re the best guy for a particular woman. That’s delusional, and it’s impossible to know what values she’s looking for in a partner anyway…
It’s smarter to focus on what values you believe it’s important to embody.
Ask yourself what five adjectives you wish people would use to describe you, then commit to changing your behaviour accordingly.
It’s called being the best version of yourself – and it’s a much healthier goal than trying to be better than someone else.
Also, it’s instantly achievable. You can start being kind, friendly, healthy, loyal, selfless, outgoing, adventurous etc today.
As long as you’re living in a way that aligns with these values, that should be enough to satisfy you.
Focus only on this. Compete with no-one but your past self and notice how much happier you become.
Most people seek fulfilment by setting goals and telling themselves ‘they’ll be happy when’ they reach them. This doesn’t work.
Typically, you’ll feel nothing but a brief sense of achievement. When this fades away, you’ll focus on someone who is doing even better and think that overtaking them will make you happy. This cycle of ‘I’ll be happy when’ never ends. Sure, you’ll enjoy the fruits of your added success for a while, but it soon becomes the new normal, meaning you’re never truly satisfied.
A fantastic example is the ‘newbie pick-up artist’.
This guy typically commits to learning success with women in the belief that more sex will fix his low self-esteem and make him happy.
“I’ll be happy when I get laid.”
“I’ll be happy when I have a girlfriend.”
But he doesn’t. Indeed, many men in the seduction community struggle with a poor self-image, even after they’ve slept with dozens of women. They get more girls than their loser friends, but still see other guys with more desirable dating lives and still feel inferior. Initially, they believe the solution is to have MORE sex with HOTTER girls.
“I’ll be happy when I get the 10.”
“I’ll be happy when I have a harem.”
However, it’s (hopefully) eventually learned that while sex can create incredible short-term pleasure, it doesn’t bring long-term happiness.
The true solution in making yourself happy NOW – and a great way to do this is to focus on your values, not your goals and not how you compare to everyone else.
If you struggle with comparing yourself to others, it’s often recommended to stay off Instagram and other social media platforms where people flaunt their beauty and all the material things they have.
This is a good tip, if only to save time. In fact, you may want to consider using all social media platforms only as a means of sharing your own photos and messaging women.
Yet, even if you do, there will still be occasions when you notice someone has more money, bigger muscles, hotter women than you.
There is no hiding from this. The key is to be inspired by it, rather than envious.
If you work hard, there is nothing stopping you having these things in the future. This person is simply further along the path to getting them.
Also, remember that material things only bring short-term PLEASURE, not lasting HAPPINESS. Those who focus on materialism often fall into the trap of always needing MORE before they can accept themselves.
By avoiding this trap and focusing on your values, you can learn to accept yourself and find true happiness today.
When you do this, you’ll stop feeling inferior around others. You’ll feel less insecure. You’ll be more confident in yourself and you’ll find it easier to enjoy life.
You’ll stop feeling the insecurities that cause so many men to freeze up around beautiful women. Because you already know you’re living life by your own values.
Sometimes these women will still reject you, but this will sting far less.
Because once you’re on your path to becoming the best version of yourself, you no longer feel bad about women who don’t want to be a part of that. Instead, you realise that her desire for someone with different values has no impact on your inherent worth.
At this point, it feels more like “a lack of chemistry” than a rejection.
Needless to say, this makes it far easier to develop the self-assurance, groundedness and charisma that women find so irresistible.
True self-assurance is subtle, yet so incredibly easy to spot.
The relaxed gaze in the eyes. The ease in the body language. The non-neediness in your actions. The lack of jealousy.
Women will notice this so quickly, because it’s so rare. Often, it’ll make you more attractive than the better-looking guy with more money.
Once you realise this, you might not ever feel the need to compare yourself to others again.
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>