Why You Should Always Try To Kiss On The First Date
I’m sure there are plenty of ‘nice guys’ who can relate to this…
A first date where the conversation flowed beautifully and you both appeared to have fun. The anticipation of things heating up when you see her again. A perfectly-crafted text inviting her somewhere cool.
Instead of meeting you for a second date, this woman appears to vanish into thin air.
Or maybe she does text back, but it’s one of those long apologetic messages suggesting there was ‘no chemistry’.
Such scenarios can leave guys jaded, confused and just about ready to give up on dating altogether.
After all, there were smiles. There was laughter. There were no awkward silences. What more does she need to feel chemistry?
Here’s the truth.
The rush of excitement and sense of connection that women tend to describe as ‘chemistry’ requires more than words.
It needs you to get physical too.
Physicality can start with light touching, playful pushes, holding hands. You can use these to gauge her interest, create sexual tension and ultimately build up to the first kiss.
This is what it takes to get her heart racing and at least put you on the radar as a potential romantic partner.
In fact, I’d argue you should ALWAYS go for the kiss on a first date. Consider it a bare minimum.
Perhaps you’ve heard some women say they’re not comfortable kissing someone they’ve just met.
Well, it’s your job as a man to make her comfortable.
Because you better believe, if she’s taking the time to get ready for a date, she wants to feel comfortable kissing you. She wants you to put the moves on in a smooth way. She wants you to move it forward at a pace she’s comfortable with.
Every woman wants to feel the rush of excitement from getting physical with an attractive man, provided it doesn’t make her feel like a hussy.
Yet, some guys will still let the date pass by without making any moves. Let’s explore some of the reasons why.
The initial moments of first dates can be tense.
Women often get nervous. They might appear cold, reply with one-word answers or even rudeness. Western women especially might try to frame themselves as the princess who is too good for you.
It’s easy to interpret this as disinterest, especially if you suffer from low self-esteem.
However, it’s just as likely that she’s acting this way to mask her nerves, protect her ego or test your confidence.
If she’s still on the date, assume she’s still interested. There’s no upside to thinking otherwise.
When you’re confident in your own attractiveness, every moment feels like the ‘right moment’. When you’re not, it never seems to arrive.
After all, when you assume she likes you, you assume she wants to get closer to you. It’s a win-win.
If you wanted to be kissed, would you really care when someone made the move? Most likely, you’d just be happy they did. A woman feels the same way, so you don’t need to stress over perfect timing.
Also, the date’s not ruined if you pick the ‘wrong moment’, as we’ll explore now.
You can (and should) gauge how ready a woman is to get physical by starting slow. Begin with subtle touches. Maybe you fiddle with her jewellery or put your arm around her after she tells a cute story.
Whatever you do, make a mental note of her reaction. If she tenses up, STOP. It means you’re moving too fast. Laugh it off, keep talking and try something else a bit later. If she lets it happen or reciprocates, that’s a green light to push things forward.
Once she’s happy to cuddle, hold prolonged eye contact, hold hands, let you whisper in her ear etc, she’s probably ready to be kissed.
Even if you go for the kiss too quickly and she turns you down, it’s not ‘Game Over’. Once again, laugh it off, keep talking and try again later. It’s better to make these moves?—?and let her accept or decline?—?than to not go for it all.
Even if you don’t lock lips on the first date, she’s at least seen you have the balls to go for what you want. Plus, if you didn’t let the rejection bother you, this can be really attractive too. There’s every chance you’ll land a second date in this situation.
However, if you were too scared to get physical or attempt a kiss, that could be all she wrote. In this case, she typically thinks you either didn’t like her or were too much of a coward to show it. Neither narrative compels her to meet you again.
Women from certain cultures are far less likely to kiss you on the first date.
The ‘three date rule’ seems to be rife in Ukraine. I’ve heard it’s the same in India and the Middle East.
Regardless of her background, there’s also every chance that a woman is too shy to kiss you in public.
Either way, these women still want you to try.
This is the dance of courtship. Men pursue, women resist. You should always respect a woman’s boundaries, but that doesn’t mean you can’t playfully poke at them. This is what turns a friendly chit-chat into ‘chemistry’.
I should mention the possibility that your date genuinely doesn’t like you?—?or that you don’t like her. This may be more likely if you’ve only previously ‘met’ online. But, there’s no advantage to assuming your date hates you. So why do it?
The initial chemistry on a date is more important than your choice of location.
So, do yourself a favor and don’t organise a date where’s there’s a table between you. This makes it so much harder to pull off these subtle physical moves in a smooth way. Choose a venue where there’s a sofa, or a big table so you can sit next to her.
Also, don’t feel the need to rush into the first kiss as soon as you sense she’s ready. Sometimes, it’s fun to tease and give her the space to chase you. Women do want to win you over as well. Many enjoy the mystery of wondering ‘is he going to kiss me?’ on a date.
So, it’s good to build the tension by withholding the kiss, as long you make the move before parting ways.
Perhaps you want to save it until you’re alone together. Maybe you’ll first invite her back to your place, where some real magic can happen.
Either way, a kiss on the first date is the best way to ensure your romance lasts longer than one meeting.
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>