The Easiest Way to Make Yourself More Attractive
As a dating coach, one of the things I get asked all the time is whether there’s anything a guy can do to make himself more attractive.
I get asked this question in dozens of different forms.
‘Do you have any tips to make quick, immediate changes?’
‘Is it possible to get a result today?’
‘Can I change the way she thinks about me now?’
It’s different each time, but the heart of the question is always the same:
‘Can I make myself more attractive right now, this instant?’
They’re always looking for some kind of magic bullet. Some kind of secret technique that, once learned, will change their entire way of interacting with women.
The kind of technique that’ll make them a high status, super attractive male that’ll stand out from the pack and have naked women falling into their bed.
Well, I can’t promise anything like that… But in answer to their question, I always say yes.
Because there is only one thing you need to do.
I want you to imagine someone for a second:
Imagine a guy who looks any way you like. Maybe he’s handsome, maybe he’s ugly, maybe he’s normal, maybe he’s you.
This guy is unhappy with his dating life, and to an extent, his life as a whole. He never seems to meet any girls, he never gets any dates, and he never gets laid. As a result, he spends a lot of time watching porn, which seems to sap all his energy.
He spends a lot of time at home. He socializes on occasion, but always with the same group of people. He rarely does anything new, and sticks to a pretty similar routine each day.
He wears the same kind of clothes, nothing remarkable, he acts the same way socially each time, he never really does anything to stand out, and when it comes to women, he’ll always be aware of which one he’s attracted to (he’ll be afraid of her), and he never acts on it.
He feels like girls don’t know he exists, or rather, they sometimes do, and they don’t want anything to do with him.
In truth they all notice him, he’s just unattractive.
And so his life continues. And his results always remain the same.
This guy -we’ll call him unattractive guy- might seem unattractive for a bunch of different reasons. But in reality, there’s pretty much one single reason.
Want to know what it is?
He doesn’t try.
He does the same thing over and over and over again… And is dissatisfied and confused as to why he gets poor results.
He meets the same group of friends – ones that he’ll never meet girls through. He never approaches – so how would any girl know he likes her. And he does the same thing over and over, right down to the way he dresses. So he doesn’t actively make himself more attractive in any small way.
He wilfully stagnates, so his results stagnate.
Now imagine another guy:
This guy has hit or miss success in his dating life, and goes through waves of satisfaction and dissatisfaction with his life.
He gets some dates, some times meets girls at parties and gets laid a few times a year. He’s had a few girlfriends (which seem to come out of nowhere) but doesn’t really feel in control of his dating life.
Things just seem to happen, which he’s grateful for, but also make him feel uncertain. Like he doesn’t know what he’s doing or his luck will run out.
He’s a somewhat sociable guy. He has a varied enough friendship group, occasionally interacts with new girls, and sometimes plucks up the courage to make a move. He’s read a few books on dating and personal development. He didn’t apply any of the hard concepts, but he did the easy stuff like dressing better and going to a few dance classes.
He always knows which girl he wants. She’s the one he puts on a pedestal in his head. He rarely acts on this, as he’s too afraid of rejection from her, but usually does alright with some other girl.
In short, his life is moving in a somewhat positive direction. But it’s going slowly, and he’s not in control of the exact direction.
Unlike our unattractive guy, this new guy isn’t so bad. He’s somewhat attractive. He’s doing alright, he has some basic self-belief to go after what he wants some of the time, and he lives in a way that introduces new women into his life.
All in all, this means he gets lucky enough to have a good dating life. He doesn’t really do anything, or much at all, but because of the few things he does do, things work out all right.
But if you asked him why… He’d have no idea.
Now imagine one more guy.
And I promise this is the last one.
This guy has a great dating life and is usually pretty happy with his life. Sure, he has his down patches, but he knows what to do to bounce back and applies it pretty quick.
His social life is varied, he does a bunch of different and fairly unique things, and so meets a variety of people. Doing this he meets a bunch of new women all the time, and even if he’s nervous, always makes some kind of a move. Sometimes asking her out on the spot, other times getting her number.
When it comes to clothes, he’s tried a lot of different “looks” in the past. Some were complete blunders, but over time has found a style that works for him. He now “dresses well”.
The same comes to his dating life – he’s tried being cool, suave, edgy, and a bad boy, but none of them really work. And if he’s honest, he’d tell you he succeeds for none of those reasons anyway, he just relaxes into it, but all his experience failing got him there.
He’s a pretty interesting guy. He’s always doing something new, and always following his curiosity. This is one of the key elements of his varied social life, but also just another reason he does well with women.
When he meets them -and this can be from the street, in a shop, or messaging some girl on Facebook that he went to school with -he lets them know his intentions pretty quick. He always tries to move things forward.
In short, he does a lot of stuff, and that seems to make things work out for him.
This final guy, and we’ll call him “attractive guy” is always trying to move things in the direction he wants them to.
Sure, he fails a lot, whether that be in learning something or getting rejected… But he consistently tries none the less.
This could be trying it on with a girl he likes, asking her out, or trying to get her number… Or it could be going to a social hobby he’s never tried before.
He applies this philosophy pretty widely.
And because he does, things move forward, and he gets consistent results.
What separates the attractive guy from the other two is this:
Where they either don’t try at all or try without any consistency and deliberate purpose, he does.
And he does so consistently.
Because he “tries” consistently, he’s constantly going after what he wants, even if it’s in tiny ways.
Because he applies this attitude to his dating life, things regularly change for him. He gets rejected MORE, but also gets a lot more INTEREST and DATES from women.
But on top of this, other women notice his attitude towards life and find it attractive.
You might have heard the phrase “God loves a trier.” Well, women love one as well.
Although there might seem like a huge amount of difference between all three men… In reality, it boils down to that one trait.
One of them just tries more consistently than the other two.
So to answer the question posed at the beginning of this article:
‘Can I make myself more attractive right now, this instant?’
Yes, you can.
You just need to start consistently trying new things, going after the life you want, and going after the girls you want.
You don’t have to succeed. You don’t have to “have” or “know” anything before you start. And you don’t have to try every day.
You just have to start trying and keep it up with some consistency.
Then, over time… All those tiny little attempts at changing your life will add up to one big one.
And like that, you’ll be the attractive guy.
All because of one easy action.
About John Matich John is a writer from the UK who splits his time between travelling the world and trying to find unconventional solutions to dating and personal development. You can find more from him at www.lifeuncivilized.com.