7 Skills That Will Make You Instantly More Attractive
Attraction is strange, at least, in the way in which it judges men.
For guys, it’s pretty straightforward. 90% of it is visual, and the difficult part about male attraction is not letting that 90% overwhelm your common sense. I.e. She’s hot, but she’s a game player so move on.
For the way guys are judged by attraction however, it’s a little different. Sure, the visual stuff counts – jawline, abs, height, eyes, hair, arms – but the intangibles count just as much. This is why you hear women so often say something of men that you’ll rarely hear men say the equivalent of. That is:
“There’s just something about him.”
This is the intangibles in action. Nobody knows exactly what they are, but they work to make whoever has them more attractive. This is why any guy who’s worth his salt knows that while looks matter, they aren’t the entire picture.
Some things just make a guy more attractive. And while nobody possesses the complete and exhaustive list, we do have a pretty good idea of what some of them are. Confidence, bravery, selflessness, humor, drive, empathy. All of these are pretty solid traits to possess.
But where do they come from? On the one hand, they’re self-generated. Some people are just more naturally confident than others. But on the other hand, they’re cultivated. Some people, through hard work and persistence (two more attractive traits), can develop their own attractive qualities.
This is one of the things that any dating coach will focus on first. ‘Who is this guy, and how do I harness his natural abilities and make him more attractive?’
In my experience, one of the easiest ways is by focusing on a few key skills.
A skill is anything that you can learn and develop to a high level of ability through continuous practice. When it comes to attraction, there are dozens of things that fall under that umbrella which will make you more attractive. But I wanted to focus on a few key skills that you can deliberately:
Each of these will make you more attractive, and the more you get skilled at them, the more you’ll never, ever end up feeling unattractive again.
This is single-handedly going to improve your looks more than anything else.
The only -and I mean the only- magic pill in dating advice is improving your grooming and fashion. Not only having good grooming habits, but also getting better at knowing what suits you.
The more you know what clothes, facial hair, haircuts, and colors look good on you, the better you will look. The more you understand what styles of clothes look better on you, the better you will look. The more you take time to understand what your dress sense and grooming habits say about you, the better you will inevitably look.
This will make you attractive faster than anything else. It takes time. It’s boring (I don’t care one iota about fashion), but if you get it right, it becomes a simple, easy, and effortless fix that takes care of itself.
Because once you know what suits you, you just wear it/pay to have it done by a barber.
This gives you complete control over your diet and it’s a great dating skill.
Most people’s first stop when trying to get “in shape” is hitting the gym or buying “low-cal” food. But the best way to do it is to learn how to cook.
The more you learn to cook, the more control you have over what you eat. The more control you have over what you eat, the easier it is to eat well. After all, you won’t be relegated to high salt and sugar ready meals/restaurant food. Starting can be as simple as learning to make chicken, rice and broccoli. A staple meal of bodybuilders trying to get in shape.
When you start having more control over your diet you gain far more control over your body weight. This is going to make you more attractive. Another benefit is that the better you are at cooking, the better your dates will be. Invite them around and cook up a storm.
This builds physical confidence with women faster than anything else.
Being physically confident around women is a huge element of being attractive. On the flip side, the more nervous you are, the more uncomfortable this will make them.
The easiest way to develop physical confidence with women is to learn how to dance. Practice salsa, swing, anything. You’ll suck at first, but with experience, you’ll not only be a good dancer, but you’ll have danced with hundreds of women.
As an added bonus, it’s also another great skill to have on dates.
The best self-improvement tool on Earth. Also, separates you from other men as a valuable long term partner better than anything else.
The more you practice emotional honesty, the more self-aware, empathetic, and honest you will become. All of these are attractive traits, namely because of how unbelievably rare they are.
Most guys are not in touch with their emotions and they are not honest. By asking yourself “What am I feeling right now?”, Why am I feeling it?”, “What responsibility do I have for this feeling?”, and other such questions, you put yourself back in the driving seat, you allow yourself to be more upfront about what you want, and most importantly, you allow yourself to pick apart your patterns of behavior and become a much better version of yourself.
I would even say that real self-improvement starts with emotional honesty.
Build the skill of noticing what you’re feeling, confronting it, and being honest about it with yourself and others.
The greatest tool for building self-respect and gaining respect from others that exists.
Asserting boundaries is difficult. Asserting healthy boundaries is even more difficult. It invites conflict, awkwardness, and even social embarrassment. But if you want to build self-respect, you have to do it.
Asserting healthy boundaries is the skill of knowing how you want to be treated and expressing that to others without trying to manipulate or threaten them. You don’t do it indirectly, you don’t say “or else”, you just say “I don’t want to be treated like that.” Then you stand firm behind what you’ve said.
Their reaction is up to them, you can’t control that and you’re not about to try. But you respect yourself, so you honor the way you like to be treated.
This is an incredibly difficult, at times socially awkward thing to do. It takes months, if not years to get good at, but it is the single best way for building self-respect and is an extremely attractive thing to do.
Also, in my experience, when you learn to assert your boundaries, you typically become more assertive as a result. Win-win.
An inherently attractive skill that puts you in conversation with the women you want to meet and demonstrates you can go after what you want.
I don’t know whether I’m getting older and more crotchety, but back in my day, guys approached more.
It might be the rise of online dating, snap chat, Instagram, and the digitalization of everything, but the simple art of going up to a woman and talking to her seems to be happening less and less.
Which is strange because, in my experience, it’s one of the most attractive and useful things you can do. First of all, it demonstrates you aren’t afraid of her or women in general, and you even if you are nervous, you can overcome it enough to walk up and speak to her. Second, it allows you to frequently meet the women you’re attracted to. It doesn’t guarantee they’ll like you, nothing can, but it guarantees you’ll at least meet them.
A continuous process that makes you a better version of yourself. More honest, more disciplined, more courageous, and happier. In other words, much more attractive.
I’ve kinda spoken about this in the article already, but only in parts. Self-improvement as a whole will continue to make you more attractive throughout your life. Coupled with emotional honesty, persistence, and hard work, self-improvement is the skill of getting better at being you. Whether that’s in work, life or love.
It’s hard, it’s easy to quit, but it’s one of the best things you can ever do. Focus on building better habits, stronger self-discipline, and expanding your comfort zone. Which habits in particular and how your comfort zone needs to be expanded will be unique to you and will require you to confront the areas in your life where you’re holding yourself back. However, with time and effort, you will start seeing the results.
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About John Matich John is a writer from the UK who splits his time between travelling the world and trying to find unconventional solutions to dating and personal development. You can find more from him at www.lifeuncivilized.com.