10 Subtle Signs Of A Healthy Relationship
Let’s skip the basic dumbass dating advice.
We all know we’re supposed to show our partner we love her. We know women like gifts and romantic gestures. We know we’re supposed to compromise in a relationship, have great sex and occasionally spice things up in the bedroom.
Yet, the majority of long-term relationships still turn into garbage.
Is it that men can’t be bothered to keep their women happy? Is it that some women can have it all and still not be satisfied?
Perhaps, in some cases.
However, the truth is: a lot of us aren’t aware of what is really needed to keep the fire burning in a romantic partnership.
Below, we reveal 10 less-than-obvious signs of a healthy relationship. These are the pointers that are too complicated, nuanced or controversial for mainstream publications to reveal.
It’s said that infatuation always fades. We’re told that true love transcends lust. We’re led to believe that the super-horny ‘honeymoon phase’ cannot last.
Even if this is true, the fact remains that relationships are easier to maintain when physical attraction remains.
This is what separates your lover from your friends. If you’re not physically aroused by your partner, it’s only natural you’ll be drawn to someone else who does provide these sensations.
This will remain the case until your libido drops. For some men, that might not be until their 50s, 60s or beyond.
The good news is: many of the following tips will help you remain physically attracted to one another.
Humans are naturally programmed to try and get what they need while exerting as little effort as possible.
That’s why it’s so common for us to stop trying to impress our partners once we believe they’re committed to us.
Why go to the gym when our partner already accepts us? Why make the effort to dress well when we’re getting laid either way? Why try to ‘level up’ in life when you already have your dream woman?
The reason is: this attitude directly contributes to relationships becoming stale. When we stop doing the things that initially attracted our partner, it’s the beginning of the end.
It’s common for one partner to convince the other to stop bettering themselves.
When a woman does this to you, she may say it’s because she wants to spend more time with you. Often, it’s actually because she doesn’t want other ‘better’ women to develop an interest in you.
When a woman convinces you to skip ‘chest day’ and eat pizza on the sofa with her, she’s actually shooting herself in the foot. She’s turning you into a man she’ll eventually lose attraction for.
On the other hand, when a couple supports each other’s development and grow together, they become an unstoppable team whose love for each other grows too.
We’re often told that couples who are truly in love want to spend every waking minute together.
However, in order to continue growing, they must be comfortable giving each other the space to pursue their own individual projects.
A lot of men and women hide or lie about their goals for the future, because they believe their partner won’t support them.
Classic examples include:
These desires may not be suitable to reveal on the first date, but you need to have discussed them before you commit to a monogamous relationship.
When someone chooses not to reveal their goals for the future, it’s usually due to fear that their partner will leave – and that they won’t find anyone else as good who will accept these goals.
Still, when hiding your true hopes for the future, you leave yourself with two undesirable choices. You either choose to sacrifice your dreams or to bring them up (and risk her leaving) later. The first choice typically leaves you with buried resentment throughout the relationship, while the second has you living in fear of this crucial conversation.
Your best choice is therefore to be honest about your intentions from the start of a relationship. If your goals are important to you and your woman doesn’t support them, she’s not your dream partner.
We’re always told that you have to compromise in a relationship.
Those in healthy relationships want to compromise. The warm feeling that comes from helping their partner overrides any thoughts of being burdened.
When both partners feel this way and help each other out equally, it’s a magical relationship.
It’s natural for couples to disagree. In fact, it’s often argued that it’s healthy for them to do so. It means neither party is suppressing their feelings.
However, the truth is: it’s the way that couples argue which is important.
Are you arguing about what’s better for the relationship? Or are you simply pursuing selfish interests?
Also, do your arguments stay on point?
A key sign of an unhealthy relationship is when debates spill over into separate topics, or even personal insults. This means one of you is suppressing their feelings and carrying hidden frustration into the relationship.
Many men make the mistake of settling into relationships with an average girlfriend, usually because they fear loneliness or they’re scared of talking to women.
Initially, they adore not being lonely and getting regular sex without having to approach other women. More often than not, they’re thrilled that any woman loves them for who they are.
However, these emotions aren’t what true love is made of. It becomes very difficult to keep doing the things that make relationships work when you only believe your partner is ‘good enough’.
Guys don’t want to put in the work to become attractive to their dream woman, but it’s much harder staying happy in a relationship with your consolation prize.
In time, you’ll resent not having the experiences with the types of women you really wanted, especially when conflict arises in your relationship. Your head will be turned when ‘better’ women show interest. In most cases, your woman will spot this and she’ll also stop doing things that make the relationship great.
The same will happen to her if she settles for second-best. And honestly, if you’re the type of guy described in the paragraphs above, she probably has.
When you truly believe she’s lucky to have you, it’ll stop you settling for a woman who doesn’t support your goals.
It’ll prevent you from displaying needy and controlling behavior that women hate. It’ll stop you accepting toxic behavior from a woman who is clearly wrong for you.
For a relationship to be truly healthy, both partners need high levels of self-esteem.
A break-up with your ‘dream woman‘ will probably hurt. But you shouldn’t fear it.
Once again, this will usually lead to you exhibiting weak and needy behavior, and accepting toxic behavior from her.
Your woman should amaze you. You should adore her. But you should also know you have the tools to find someone better. She should feel the same.
When you both feel this way, all of these tips are far easier to implement.
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>