By: Bobby Rio
Let’s say you’re going out, getting what success you can get, and you’ve gotten some aspects of the game down, but other ones just escape you. You have no idea about physical escalation.
You, like a lot of the people who’ve run into this problem repeatedly, are wondering about what the best way to kiss a girl is. Or you might already be familiar with the beginning aspects of interactions, quite competent in them, but just want some extra tips…there’s nothing better than meeting someone new and getting to the point where they’re comfortable with kissing you. But if you don’t know how to get there, you’re hosed.
So, let’s dive into the exciting (literally) world of sexual escalation to show you just how easy it is to kiss the girls you’ve always been after. The easiest thing in the world, provided you’ve already put in the footwork and are at a point where she’s ready for it.
1. Make sure you’re building a compliance ladder.
Kissing and sexual escalation is all about whether or not someone is comfortable with you. If someone isn’t, it’s going to be incredibly hard to proceed with whatever it is you’re trying to do, no matter what the outcome.
So if they’re not comfortable with you touching them, through conversation and time, get them more comfortable with that. If they’re not comfortable with you being inside their personal space, you need to make sure that happens before you lean in and go for anything more personal. Basically, she needs to be comfortable with the process happening, and if you can contribute to anything like that using social proof or advanced comfort-building techniques. That needs to happen. There are two people in this process, and steamrolling one for an objective isn’t a good way to go about things.
2. Know subconscious cues.
There are a lot of easy mechanisms to pull someone into a state where they’d be receptive to escalation. They’re triggers that we have deep inside of us, that if you know a little bit about basic human psychology, you can activate when you need to.
Eye contact, for instance, is the basest form of sexual escalation, and if you’ve been able to hold it with someone for a long time, that’s the first sign that you’re doing fantastically. Holding strong eye contact may seems like something that’s a bit creepy to do at first, but trust us, it’s the building blocks of tension. Additionally, slowing down your speech to put more tension into an interaction will make it easier to make a move later. Because, you see, she’ll be thinking of sexual things. Additionally, triangle gazing and looking at the lips, all of these things can put someone in a state where they’re more likely to get physical with you.
Guess what, girls aren’t going to make the first move. And if they do, chances are they’re going to feel weird about it. Evolutionarily, it’s much more attractive when men do the leading, so there are a few things you can do to lead them and make it easier to physically escalate later. Bring them to a different spot in the bar. Make gestures that need to be reciprocated – if she reciprocates them, you’re on the right track. So more small activities will not only be an example of leading, it’ll build up a compliance ladder resulting in someone being more trusting and compliant with you.
4. Master your Kissing techniques.
After talking to a lot of girls, their number one complaint with guys seems to be the fact that a lot of them are terrible kissers. In general, what I recommend you doing is seeing the style the girl uses, and adapting to that – like language, people will revert to whatever they’re most comfortable with. If they’re comfortable using tongue, they’re going to let you know as soon as it happens. If they want to keep it light, that’s fine also, just make a mental note of the style they’re using and let the pacing and rhythm dictate the type of kissing.
5. Don’t do it too often.
Unless you’re in a spot where you can escalate straight to sex, you don’t want to be constantly sucking face. It lowers your value in a public arena, and doesn’t contribute to her comfort, unless she’s the type of girl who constantly wants to be eating parts of your face in public. If she’s that type, by all means, but these kissing tips are for girls who are at least a little bit classy. If the escalation is getting hot and heavy, isolate her to a sex location, and go from there.
Next time you lean in and you’re nervous, relax. You have TSB’s kissing tips to keep you in good stead.