8 “Friend Zone” Traits Killing Your Game
My girlfriend would probably describe me a “good” boyfriend. I take good care of her, treat her well, I’m compromising, I pay attention to her, and I listen to her problems and try to help her through them. But here’’ the thing…
My girlfriend would NEVER have described any of those characteristics about me when we FIRST MET.
In fact, after we had been dating for a awhile I asked her what her initial opinion of me was. She told me I seemed like the type of guy only looking for “fun.” And she assumed I was probably sleeping with a ton of other girls, and that I didn’t seem like the boyfriend type.
Yet, here she is, still with me.
So, what’s my point?
My point is that a mistake you might be making is confusing “boyfriend qualities” for attraction. I know that before I figured this out, I used to unconsciously try to show a girl what a “good” boyfriend I would be. I would make mistakes like:
1. Trying too hard to find commonalities and rapport.
2. Focus on showing her that I have a good job, like to travel, and other “boyfriend” traits.
3. Taking her side when she bad mouthed players, and act like I’m totally the opposite of those “jerks.”
4. Respecting her too much to make a move.
5. Being too generous towards her.
6. Listening to all her problems and trying to solve them for her.
7. Make a lot of compromises so that we get along better.
8. Paying too much attention to her.
If you’ve been dating a girl for a year, it is fine to do all of those things for a girl. And if you want to keep her, you probably have to. But, when you’re first meeting a girl the LAST thing you want to do is demonstrate what a great boyfriend you would be. Why?
Even if it makes her think “he would make a great boyfriend,” you still lose. Because once a girl thinks that she begins displaying her “good girlfriend” qualities that are just as “boring” and “un-sexual” as your boyfriend qualities. Not only that, but you build up too much comfort with her, and drastically eliminate any urgency for sex. Plus … you’re no longer a challenge.
Game over. Go home.
What should you do instead? Treat every girl you meet like you’re just looking for “fun.” Don’t be afraid that she might think you’re only looking for sex. Here is a cold hard fact: Most girls wind up dating the guy they thought was only looking for sex.
Don’t be overly agreeable, in fact, don’t be afraid to be slightly antagonistic.
FLIRT WITH HER! Tease her in a playful way, mix in some elements of uncertainty so she can’t quite figure you out.
And remember, even if you think you might really like a girl, even if you’re thinking that she is “girlfriend material” you still need to drop the “good boyfriend” act.
“Good” boyfriends don’t get laid.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.