If I Had to Start All Over: 3 Habits Every Newbie Needs to Adopt
Someone recently posed an interesting question to me: “If you had to start all over—start from nothing—how would you build yourself up back into a guy who’s good with women?” As someone who’s been writing articles on TSB for over 3 years, sometimes I lose touch with my “roots.” I certainly struggled to become the man I am today, and I occasionally forget what that struggle was like.
When I look back on it, however, there were certain habits and “rituals” I conditioned myself to do that made the struggle…well…less of a struggle. No one ever says change is easy, but it is attainable—especially if you implement the 3 habits below.
Waking up early sucks. I hate it. In fact, I’d say that waking up early is “outside my comfort zone.” However, by making the FIRST thing you do every morning a stretch outside your comfort zone, you condition yourself to lean into discomfort—which is crucial for making a change in your life.
I was lucky because I didn’t have a choice about waking up early. When I was learning to be more successful with women, I worked in an office that involved a tedious 2-hour commute (each way). If I didn’t want to wake up at 5:45am every morning, I’d be waking up back in my parent’s house.
Whether you have to wake up early or not, I really believe the simple act of getting out of bed when it’s uncomfortable makes you a stronger and better man. No one can force you to get outside your comfort zone, and so beginning each day by forcing YOURSELF outside your comfort zone is step one in making a change in your life.
When I was pushing myself to get over my anxiety of talking to hot women, I realized I needed to get over my anxiety about talking to strangers in general. This led me to strike up conversations with various people I’d encounter throughout my day.
Let me be the first to tell you: this isn’t normal behavior. Most people don’t want to talk to people they don’t know, and so that’s why this is an exercise worth doing. I remember one night I forced myself to go to a local bar by myself, and when there were no women to approach, I tried to strike up a conversation with a dude. He was absolutely appalled at the idea of talking to me, and made sure to let me know.
I felt like a complete idiot. I was partly angry, partly embarrassed, and mostly just wanting to give up on the idea of improving my social skills. However, that “rejection” was a blessing in disguise. Whenever people make you feel stupid or embarrassed, it gives you a thicker skin. Moreover, when you reflect on things later, you always realize, “It really wasn’t THAT bad…”
The problem I see in most beginner guys who want to become better with women is that they have completely unrealistic expectations. Most guy think that when they approach girls they need to score digits, get her on a date, or even get her home.
This is not a good mentality.
When I was starting out, I considered myself SO BAD with women that I was content if I didn’t get immediately rejected. Literally my barometer for success was not getting shot down in 2 seconds. And it’s a good thing I had such low expectations because my first couple hundred approaches didn’t go much further than a polite conversation.
Yet, one thing remained consistent: I was always approaching women. Why did I approach them? Just because. I wasn’t trying to score digits. I wasn’t trying to prove how big of a pimp I was. I wasn’t doing any of that. I was approaching just because they were hot women and I’m a dude who should be approaching them.
This mentality allowed me to make approaching women a long-term habit (and not something I gave up on after 2 months of shattered expectations). Since my barometer for success was so low, it was easy to stay motivated.
And so that’s how I ended up becoming the person I am today.
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.