Attract More Women Instantly With These 3 Language Hacks
Have you ever met a total stranger and just clicked? Think back to the last time you met a girl and felt a connection right away. These moments are powerful but fleeting.
At some point, you’ve likely experienced this phenomenon. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s hard to forget. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could replicate this experience?
You can. Simply apply effective communication and body language techniques to your dating game.
The research on building rapport explains what makes us feel connected to others. It explains how we sometimes trust and like people we just met.
And from that research has come a series of repeatable strategies you can use to up your dating game.
The 3 strategies in this article will help someone you’ve never met like, trust or relate to you better. But before we dive into them, let’s cover our bases with 2 important things.
It’s simple: we like and connect with people that are like ourselves. You’re more likely to feel a connection to someone with similar interests, life experiences, and views of the world.
Keep this insight in mind if your goal is to attract more women. It’s the foundation these strategies are built on. Without being manipulative, these filters can be applied when approaching and conversing with new women.
It’s a good idea to ask yourself questions about your own life first. This way you’re equipped with things about yourself that she might bring up
Consider questions like:
It’s important to highlight the word manipulative in the paragraph above. These 3 techniques are for building rapport with strangers. They are proven through research to work and are powerful. That said, they should never be used inappropriately.
Think of all the tips in this article as tools for your dating toolbox, not as some unfair advantage you have over another human. It’s your responsibility to use these tools ethically when trying to attract women and to not be deceptive.
As much as we like to think what we say tells people who we are, it doesn’t tell the whole story. Body language and subtle parts of our communication say a lot, usually without us noticing. A nod of the head, posture, or breathing pattern can give away how we actually feel in a given situation, no matter what words we choose to use.
Ultimately, the goal is to build rapport with a girl you just met. If you’re looking to upgrade your dating game, these 3 body language hacks might be the solution for you.
Each person has a unique modality that typically dominates how they perceive the world around them. The 3 main modalities are seeing, hearing, and feeling.
You, like everyone else, obviously use all 3. But life experiences typically leads us to choose one modality that we rely on more than the other 2.
Use this understanding to your advantage when meeting new women.
First, determine what your primary modality is. How do you usually interpret information? When something happens, do you see it, hear it, or feel it?
If you’re stumped, a clue is to think about the language you use to describe a situation most often.
“Hearers” for example, might spend a lot of time describing what someone else said. They won’t spend much time describing their feelings or what they saw, instead focusing on how the other person spoke. Hearers naturally internalize and more easily remember the sounds around them.
“Feelers”, on the other hand, base their descriptions on how they feel. A clue might sound something like, “I just feel like this isn’t going to work”.
Second, figure out what her main modality is as quickly as you can. The first step should happen beforehand, but this will happen in real time. Ask questions, and listen closely to the language she uses. Is she feeling, hearing or seeing?
Make her modality your own for the rest of the evening. Commit to speaking her language, no matter how weird it feels.
If she’s clearly seeing, don’t say things like, “I’ve always felt that things would work out.”
Instead say, “That’s how I see the world. Things always work out.”
You will quickly see how the conversation picks up once you begin speaking her language. These subtle cues tell her that you understand her.
Similar to modalities, her tonalities, voice, and language provide insight into how she actually feels.
If you consciously match these, she will feel understood. She will also feel a connection to you.
These are good questions to ask yourself about how she talks:
It’s normal for a stranger to hide how they actually feel around strangers. Society has shaped us this way. Even if she’s feigning confidence, there will be moments where her real feelings seep out. Do your best to pick up on these, and again, match her.
It’s just true that we like people that are like us because it’s easier to stay with what we know and what is comfortable.
When you are subjected to someone you’re comfortable with, you’re more likely to trust and like that person.
The last trick is simple, and something competent single men know works. Relate to the girl you just met to get her to like you.
When she tells a story, relate it to one of your life experiences. Whatever you do, don’t one-up her story. Dig deeper by connecting her story to yours. Prepare your ears in advance, because about 80% of this technique involves listening. A moment will come where you are able to
Find ways to connect with who she is and what she has done without being inauthentic or douchey. Any loser at a bar can pretend he’s interested in a girl’s career path, but girls see right through that. Effective communication is mostly about active listening, after all.
These 3 language hacks will help you build instant rapport and attract more women. Summed up, they work like this:
First, figure out and match her modality. If she sees and you predominantly feel, push yourself outside of that comfort zone. Experience life through her eyes (or ears, for that matter).
Second, match her voice. You can talk about wildly different things and still use the same tone. Doing so will put her at ease and give her a sense of comfort that she won’t be able to explain.
Third, match her common experience. Listen intently, and don’t be a douchebag by pretending you’re interested. Every other guy does that. Find ways to relate to her experiences by thinking deeply and making connections to your own life.
Remember, these are tools for your dating toolbox. Know the power of these language tweaks and use them ethically. You’ll be surprised just how quickly they work.
About Ben Kissam American coach and sports psych based in Germany. I use psychology tools to make informed decisions about dating and life.