She didn’t text back. Should I text again?
Does texting a woman you’re trying to date sometimes feel like a puzzle with pieces that don’t fit together?
For me, it resembled a Rubix cube with only eight white squares. It would always start well. She’d respond positively to everything, appearing like a dead cert for a meet-up. Then, suddenly…radio silence.
This situation causes a headache for so many dudes. Other symptoms include scrolling through texts trying to work out what went wrong, wondering whether she was offended and imagining how many Tinder matches she’s met since ignoring you.
Of course, it could be none of those things. She could simply have forgotten to respond. Her dad might have died. Her phone might have slipped from her fingers into the Mississippi River.
There’s only one way to find out. The dreaded double-text.
It’s described as ‘dreaded’ because educated men are aware it could make them appear desperate. As a result, they thrust themselves into this fictional crossroads, where they must choose between texting again and looking creepy – or ‘playing it cool’ for potentially forever.
As stupid as it sounds, there is some truth in this metaphor. A woman wants a bit of mystery in her romances. She wants to win over her crush. A dude who invests too much in his text messages makes it obvious he’s already won over – and this can kill attraction. At the same time, it’s important to get her on a date while she still remembers how awesome you are. Ever since the evolution of dating apps, she’s never been short of potential suitors in her smartphone.
Thankfully, the solution to this scenario is actually really simple.
Here’s the method I use that allows me to text women multiple times without it ever seeming too try-hard.
This isn’t Expecto Patronum. It won’t hypnotise women who never really liked you. However, it is a great way to regain a woman’s attention without looking too desperate for her affection.
The more charismatic and charming you were when you met her, the more likely it is that this will work.
Ideally, you’ll have learned loads about each other and shared some jokes that you can use as callback humour in the conversation.
In my experience, this method is less successful on Tinder because it’s tougher to have established that strong initial connection.
There’s only one rule I remember when texting a woman.
Instead, I text stupid memes, assumptions, funny snippets from my day. It’s a low investment method of texting which can never make you look needy when done correctly.
The best phrase to remember is ‘I saw this and thought of you’. You don’t have to text her this, but it’s a great attitude to deploy when reviving dead conversations.
With the advent of Messenger, WhatsApp, Telegram, Instagram, you can send links, images or voice notes too.
Let’s see some examples for a Lithuanian who lives in East London and loves Netflix.
The first great benefit of these texts is that they’re not difficult to reply to. She doesn’t have to think of a smart response, as she would have to with classic openers like ‘how was your weekend? ‘what are you doing?’ or ‘hey’.
They’re also teasing her a bit, so she may feel inclined to defend her demographic. It doesn’t really matter what she says. At this stage, you’re just trying to bring it back from the dead. A simple ‘haha’ from her end could be enough for you to revive the conversation.
Most importantly, with these messages you’re not actually asking for anything in response. You’re just a fun guy sharing funny stuff. If she’s into you, she’ll reply to this stupidity. Even if she doesn’t, it won’t look desperate when you send another one in a couple of days.
It never will, provided you remember the ‘no questions’ rule.
Assumptions are a great tool to fish for her availability and to ask her out. Let’s see some examples.
Note the teasing that baits to her at least respond, rather than go cold.
Invitations should be worded as ‘we should go’ or ‘come with me to’ rather than ‘do you want to’. Do it when the conversation is flowing well, not while reviving it from the dead.
Before you know it, you’ll be on the date. Try using assumptions instead of questions here as well. Typically, she’ll find them far more interesting than the boring questions she normally hears on first dates.
You don’t need to be a poet or a professional wordsmith to make this method work. It’s easy. To save time, why not store a selection of images in your phone to use again and again?
I had to text my last girlfriend for two months before she came out on a date. An endless string of memes, dumb assumptions and updates from my day. Not once did it look needy, at least in her eyes.
I’m not advocating harassment. That girl did reply often, but kept going cold. If your girl seems determined to ghost you, call it a day. You can’t win them all.
Nevertheless, this strategy is your best shot at bringing a ghost back from the dead.
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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin is a dating/relationships blogger currently travelling the world living as a digital nomad. His book ‘The Thrill Of The Chase’ explains how learning to truly enjoy singledom helped him to dramatically improve his dating life.