When A Woman Wants To Take It Slow- 6 Tips & How To Deal
One of those punches to the gut that all men experience at some point.
“I like you, but I think we should take it slow”
Heard that before? How did it feel?
If we’re anything alike, it probably felt confusing. And frustrating. And a bit upsetting towards our ego.
Are you misreading her signs?
Suffice to say, you’re in a delicate situation. You’ll blow it if you aren’t careful.
Her saying “let’s take it slow” means something is keeping her from diving in. Whether it has to do with you or her past (or both) doesn’t matter.
If you want things to ever pick up and get there, you need to make this about her and maintain a sense of calm and confidence. It’s also a good time for you to pull out the stops and show her you really can be someone she wants.
Here are 6 tips for when a woman says “I want to take it slow“:
To put it bluntly, you have no other choice but to be supportive of her wishes.
If you want to keep seeing this girl, and you care about her even a little, it should be no problem for you to cool the jets a little bit.
And if the positive spin doesn’t work, understand that being anything other than supportive will end poorly for you. She’ll call you selfish and probably end things all together.
Being supportive is the right thing to do, and will win her over much quicker than any other approach. It sounds counterintuitive, but the slower you go, the faster you’ll get there.
This sucks to hear, but it’s probably the truth.
I’m not saying she’s not attracted to you at all. She may be, but she’s also not sure how she feels about it. There very well may be some real chemistry between you, so don’t write all that off as fiction.
But something inside of her is likely hesitating, and that probably has to do with her being unsure if she’d like to sleep with you or just stay friends.
Take this painful truth for what it is- feedback. She likes you enough to give you a chance to make her attracted to you. This is your chance to show her you’re worth that.
How? Be, or continue to be, confident, funny, and charming.
This is also a great chance for you to be a little more mysterious and a little less available. See if absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Tip #2 is kind of a bombshell if you’re going through this, so let’s backtrack a bit. Ask yourself honestly:
Does she want to take it slow because I’m pushing too quickly?
There’s a big difference between her not wanting you and you trying to move too quickly. If you’ve only been on 1 or 2 dates, there’s no real problem. You’re just rushing. Go buy a book on being patient and read it while you wait.
Perhaps she wants to take it slow because she was burned by a past relationship. Maybe she’s still in the process of getting over that relationship. You never know.
How you react to her wanting to take it slowly will go a long way towards her deciding how she feels about you.
Decide how committed you are to seeing this through. If the answer is, “I’m not”, then bail, for both your sakes.
Being supportive means you’ll sacrifice your immediate wants and desires to keep her happy.
Don’t ruin it by asking stupid questions, like if you are in the friend zone.
Other things to avoid asking her:
Remember, as frustrating as it is, you’re in a delicate situation. She may want to be with you, but she isn’t sure. Making this about you will give her all the information she needs.
Perhaps you can channel some of that dark, sexually tense energy into something positive that helps your case. Be self-deprecating. Make jokes about the situation, but keep them light and don’t harp on the situation.
Unless she’s leading you on or intends to friend zone you, she’ll eventually be ready to progress things.
When that time comes, make your move. Don’t second guess yourself or her. Girls can preach the same message for weeks, and in a moment’s notice, decide on feel that they are ready.
Whether that’s a first kiss or first something else, be confident and go for it. Ask questions later.
Confidence got you there, and it will help you keep going.
If a girl says to you, “I want to take things slow”, it’s not the end of the world.
Sure, she may not be attracted to you sexually yet. But she’s giving you a chance to show her that you can be what she’s looking for.
Be confident, charming, and supportive of her situation.
The truth, even though it sounds counterintuitive, is the fastest way to get there is by moving as slow as possible. Let her see you be confident in yourself and okay with it being about her for a while.
Chances are, that will be enough to keep you out of the friend zone.
About Ben Kissam American coach and sports psych based in Germany. I use psychology tools to make informed decisions about dating and life.