5 Reasons You Should Ditch Online Dating
The vast majority of dating is going online. With busy careers and the prevalence of smartphones – it’s just more convenient than putting in the time crawling round bars or building a big social life.
In many ways this makes sense.
But when it comes to guys, this comes at a cost.
Whilst online dating is practical and convenient, it takes away from the character that is a built by a man confronting anxiety and putting himself out there.
Not only that, but it encourages, develops, and benefits from traits that aren’t all that admirable.
When it comes to online dating, the question is:
Do you want to have an easy dating life? Or do you want to be the best man you can be?
Before I get into why online dating can be a real drag (and a real detriment), there are some things it’s really, really good at it.
In fact, there are two things it’s the very best at.
Your success in dating ultimately comes down to your experience. Every question you have surrounding dating is answered by the real-life experience you gain.
The more you fail, and the more you succeed, the more you learn for the future. This is why the best piece of advice for guys starting to improve their dating life with women is to meet and date as many women as possible.
Don’t think about anything else – just get as much experience as possible.
But if you have no experience with women, it can be incredibly hard to meet them, get dates, and get that experience you need.
Enter, Online dating.
Online dating makes it far, far easier for an inexperienced guy to get experience talking to women and taking them out. Not only do you not have to confront an enormous amount of fear to speak to them, but you have access to a much higher quantity of women than you would through any other avenue of meeting them.
For this simple reason, online dating makes it much easier to play the numbers game.
The numbers game, if you don’t know, refers to the all-important element of luck in dating. Simply put, not every woman (for whatever reason) is not going to be into you.
You might not be her type, she might be in a bad mood, or she might be in a relationship. Whatever.
In order to account for this, you have to speak to a large number of women in order to have any success. This rule applies to any guy, of any experience level.
Online dating makes this a lot easier. Turning on Tinder alone puts you in front of thousands. If you combine that with OkCupid, Bumble, or any other site or app – you’re vastly increasing your chances.
But, all this aside… Online dating does have its pitfalls.
Even if you’re in need of early experience, there are important things to consider about online dating.
Online dating prioritizes values that you may not be interested in and avoids flaws within you that are extremely important to confront.
It does this in five key ways:
Looks matter. Sure, you knew this, but when it comes to online dating – this can’t be stressed enough.
If you’re trying to improve your dating life, you have to be improving your looks. In real life, this doesn’t take a huge amount of work. You exercise somewhat consistently, don’t dress like an idiot, take care of basic hygiene, and get a good haircut.
Most of this can be fixed in one week.
But in online dating, things get a little different.
Whilst all of the above matters, it equally matters how good the photo that represents all of this is. If you’ve sorted out your looks, but are taking a bathroom selfie with crappy lighting – you’re doing yourself a disservice.
And if you’re like me, and you don’t really care about photography, this is annoying. And shallow.
But it’s also the way it is. If you want to do well on online dating, you need to take this into account. Your pictures should be great, and you should be improving your looks.
Or you won’t get the results.
Lifestyle matters. Just as looks are important regardless of where you’re meeting women, so does your lifestyle.
If you’re not building a fun, enjoyable lifestyle, then you’re shooting yourself in the foot.
This is pretty much 90 percent of what you need to learn when it comes to dating. Improve your personal life, then speak to women. The more you do the former, the more receptive the latter will be.
Have a job you like, a social circle that’s diverse, and hobbies which you’re passionate about. If you don’t do this, start this week.
But how does this work with online dating?
Well, remember how I said online dating is shallow when it comes to looks. Well, it’s even worse for lifestyle. Online dating is basically a lifestyle marketing tool.
What does this mean?
It means that your photos should indicate you have a fun, enjoyable lifestyle. You should look like (and be) a guy with something going on. Again, this is why bathroom selfies suck.
This is incredibly shallow. Not to mention vain. But it’s how online dating works.
My advice? If you’re going to do it, don’t fake it. Build a legitimately decent life.
The biggest obstacle to a successful dating life (or even successful relationships) is your anxiety around women.
Your anxiety encourages needy behavior, dishonesty, poor boundaries, and ignoring your values. Not only is this incredibly psychologically unhealthy, but it’s also really unattractive.
It’s what gives women ‘the ick’.
The only way to deal with your anxiety around women, and as a result manage all the symptoms of it, is to slowly confront it.
There is no other way.
This means you approach them despite your anxiety. You talk about what you want to talk about despite your anxiety. You express your sexual intent despite your anxiety.
You confront the possibility of being rejected. You do this by not having a safety net. But unfortunately, online dating is one such safety net.
You don’t have to approach. You don’t have to risk the initial awkward face to face conversation. Everything is safer.
And as a result, your anxiety is that much more incubated.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m as lazy as the next guy.
As soon as I sorted the basics of my dating life and got everything on track, I started putting a lot, lot less effort into it.
But as I do almost all of my ‘meeting women’ in real life, when I do put myself out there, I cannot be complacent. I have to put the effort in.
And this is a good thing. Guys should take care of themselves, So it’s a good thing women judge them by how much they do.
But with online dating, it’s not the same.
If you take a picture of yourself with your life together, that picture lasts forever. You’ll always look like you’ve got it together, even if you don’t.
Not only do you not have to confront your anxiety, but you’re also not pushed to keep working on your life. To some, this might seem like a good thing.
But it’s not a good thing at all.
If you’ve ever had a pet cat, you’ll notice they never take a day off. Sure, they sleep a lot. But if you let them outside, they’re hunting every day, all hours of the day.
But where they really stand out, is that they’re curious. They explore. They investigate every new opportunity.
And it is because of this curiosity that they encounter new things, and as a result, find and catch mice.
For dating, whether you’re a man or a woman – this is exactly the same.
The more you push your boundaries, develop your life, and explore new avenues of meeting people – the more people you will meet and date. There are no two ways about it.
There is a direct correlation between how open someone is with their life and how many social and sexual opportunities they will have. So it stands to reason that you should get off your ass and try new things.
Sadly, online dating doesn’t encourage this.
It encourages sitting on your ass and trying to the same old thing.
My solution? Use it in the background, but always prioritize developing your own life first. You want to be meeting women in real life as well as online.
So always remember this: online dating is a tool, never a crutch.
About John Matich John is a writer from the UK who splits his time between travelling the world and trying to find unconventional solutions to dating and personal development. You can find more from him at www.lifeuncivilized.com.