How To Move From A Break-Up
Moving on from a break-up can feel impossible.
No matter how hard you try not to, it’s common to keep having thoughts about your ex-partner. It’s normal to be sad that they’re gone, or resentful if they hurt you. You might feel like doing nothing but moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. Some studies even suggest that you can be physically harmed by heartbreak.
You’re not weak for feeling this way, but it’s in your best interests to move on as quickly as possible. Until you do, you’ll be robbing yourself of the opportunity to be attractive to women who would be a better fit for you. That’s a terrible waste, yet some men still let failed relationships cripple them for years.
The glorious truth about break-ups is: they can be an incredible catalyst for levelling up in life. If you react the right way, they give you the leverage to become a better version of yourself. In doing so, you put yourself in a prime position to experience better relationships with better women. Before you know it, you’ll be wondering what on earth you were doing with your ex in the first place!
It might not seem like it now, but this break-up could be best thing that ever happened to you, if you take the right action.
Below, we explore the best steps to help you move on from a failed relationship as soon as possible.
A common coping strategy among men is to pretend as if a break-up isn’t a big deal.
We suppress our sadness, often because we’re brought up not to show weakness in any situation.
The result is we continue to carry these toxic emotions inside our bodies. It weighs us down, even if only sub-consciously, affecting the energy we put out into the world.
It’s subtle, but people can sense it. It affects how you feel inside your own body, and makes you less attractive to be around.
The best action for your long-term happiness is to mourn the break-up.
Shout. Scream. Cry. Speak about it with a close friend. Whatever you feel like doing. It’s important to express negative emotions, rather than ignore them. By doing so, you let them out of your body.
You may also want to logically address the circumstances surrounding the break-up. Evaluate what happened. Learn from your mistakes. Explore why you weren’t right for each other. Again, it’s best to do this out loud with a trusted friend.
This grieving process should last a maximum of one or two days. After that, accept that it’s time to move on.
Reject any offers to remain friends.
This new relationship is usually only offered to soften the blow of a break-up and help people avoid the proper mourning process.
Typically, it does nothing but delay the process of moving on.
You can’t move on if you still have the option to speak to her. You can’t expect a proper friendship either. Not straight away. More likely it’ll a series of weird interactions plagued by jealousy, hidden feelings and false hope of getting back together.
You’re better off completely cutting her out of your life. Erase all photos. Delete her phone number and block her on social media.
Having your ex around – or even having the temptation to contact them – will make you think of her and that makes it harder to move on.
It’s not recommended to cut all ties if you have kids together, but that’s for their benefit, not yours.
When in a relationship, men tend to become less motivated to improve themselves. With constant access to sex. love and affection, many struggle to find reasons to bust their ass at the gym, try out new hobbies or make more money.
Getting laid is one of the biggest motives for doing these things.
Perhaps your partner dissuaded you from bettering yourself, because they want to take up all your time.
Still, now you’ve got more time and a strong motive to become better, you might as well make the most of it.
It’s a great idea to create time for the activities – and the friends – that make you truly happy. Alternatively, an exciting new personal project can also help take your mind off your broken heart.
Whatever you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to, now is the perfect time.
This is the best thing you can do to get over a break-up.
Having sex with a gorgeous young woman won’t completely cure your heartbreak, but it feels a lot better than crying and masturbating at home.
Getting out there, having fun with your mates, and meeting new women will take your mind off your break-up. It will remind you there are other women out there, and some of them are hotter than your ex. Most importantly, it gets you back into the swing of single life. You won’t find a new partner until you do…
There are plenty of newly single dudes who won’t want to go out and meet new women. They might say it’s because no-one will compare to their perfect ex-girlfriend, but often it’s actually because they’re scared of being rejected.
Be honest with yourself about which of these reasons is stopping you. If it’s the former, you’re either letting emotion dictate logic or you’re deluded. There are billions of great women out there and the idea that only one can make you happy is ridiculous. If it’s the latter, read this guide on overcoming approach anxiety, grow some balls and face your fear.
The reality is: you probably will get rejected by a bunch of women who aren’t fit to shine your ex’s shoes. This is partly because you’re out of practice with the opposite sex, and partly because even the plainest women have an abundance of dating options.
Once you learn to kill your ego and get over your fear of rejection, meeting new women can be incredibly exciting. You’ll become more charismatic and confident for the experience too. Eventually, you’ll start arranging dates, sleeping with new women and feeling like your old self.
Eventually, you will find another woman good enough to become your girlfriend. If you’ve worked on improving your life and your social skills, she’ll probably be better than anyone you’ve previously dated. That’s how the dating game works for people who don’t let themselves go.
Even so, stay on the self-improvement grind.
Keep making time for your hobbies. Keep searching for opportunities to make money. Carry on meeting new people and keeping your social skills sharp.
This will not only keep your relationship strong, because you’ll be doing the same things that attracted her in the first place. More importantly, it’ll remind you that it’s easy to enjoy life with or without a partner.
This is the lesson that all these steps are designed to teach you. The moment you realise it’s true, you’ll find it so much easier to move on.
My book The Thrill Of The Chase explains how to overcome heartbreak, thrive in singledom and get the girls you actually want.
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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin is a lifestyle writer and confidence coach currently living as a digital nomad across Europe and Asia. You can download his FREE e-book 'How To Conquer Social Anxiety' at https://bit.ly/2MBxm4N