How To Be Edgy And Become A “Bad Boy”
We’ve all heard it before:
“Women like bad boys.” And guess what? It’s true.
If you’re a nice guy, you’re probably going to turn her off faster than a severe case of bad breath.
But when it comes to being a “boy boy” there a few things guys always seem to get wrong:
Popularised by high school and movies, this is the most popular myth about being edgy. You walk around with a ‘do not give a fuck’ attitude, you break the rules, say irreverent shit, and are generally confrontational.
In reality, not only does this make you an asshole, but it’s also a complete failure at what actually constitutes being edgy. That is, having a unique, assertive approach to your own self-confidence.
Acting like a dick is just a shortcut to appearing like that but never actually being it.
The acid test for whether a guy is actually good with women is how he treats them. If a guy treats women like crap, on some level, you’ll almost always find a guy who’s afraid of them.
Yet because of the constant (and accurate) message that when it comes to women “nice guys finish last”, it’s taken to be the case that treating women like crap is the key to why “women like bad boys.”
Yet any guy who knows anything about women also knows that women can’t stand men who are afraid of them, and all those guys who treat them like crap eventually get unmasked sooner or later.
Sure, in the short term, treating women like shit might make you appear like a “bad boy”, but only superficially. In reality, you won’t actually possess any of the traits that matter.
Those are the two myths. They will make you seem like an edgy bad boy, but you’ll actually just have poor emotional self-awareness and be a bit of a wimp.
Here are some truths:
Too many guys try to look the part without actually being it. There’s nothing worse than some guy decked out in a leather jacket and tattoos who can’t go after what he wants and is sexually timid.
He creates an image of himself and then destroys it the second he takes an action. Its a facade.
Before you deck yourself out in any stereotypical edgy image, realize that being edgy has far more to do with your behavior. 99% comes down to what you do and how you go about doing it than it does what you look like.
Being a bad boy isn’t about being a dick but it is about being threatening, just not in the way you think.
You want to cultivate a sense of sexual threat, meaning you’re a guy who can act on his sexual desires, specifically when those mutual desires are making you and the girl you’re with anxious.
Most guys cannot do this, and instead, anxiety rules the roost in their relationship. This is why guys who can are ‘threatening’. It isn’t a bad kind of threat, it’s just a threat that he can and will act and she doesn’t know when it’s going to happen.
The next kind of threat is that you’re the kind of person who knows how they like to be treated and you assert your boundaries if you aren’t. This adds a level of ‘threat’ to your personality. Not in the sense that you’ll hurt anyone, but in the sense that you’ll retaliate if they try to hurt you.
This is what people mean when they say there’s an element of danger to someone.
You can’t just become a bad boy overnight, you need a bit of experience. And unfortunately, that experience applies in one of the easiest contexts to get wrong.
You need to know when to make a move and make it as early as possible.
This is really what separates a “bad boy” from everyone else. He’s in full command of his sexuality.
But this requires you to:
Neither of these are easy to do. Most guys fake 1) and screw up 2). The result? They act like creeps.
In other words, there is a very fine line between being a bad boy and being a creep.
Now that those are out of the way, let’s dive into the nitty-gritty:
We’re going to start with the easy stuff. Even though being an edgy guy or a bad boy has much more to do with your behavior, there are some things to be aware of.
It doesn’t take a fashion genius to know that certain styles of dress bring with them certain assumptions about the wearer’s identity. Rocker, biker – these kinds of outfits do a lot of the leg work, both with other people’s assumptions, and just straight up putting you in a more confident mood.
Being in good shape creates a more masculine, dangerous look than being in poor shape. That’s just the way it is.
You don’t have to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but a little muscle goes a long way.
Optional, but the same rule that applies to 1) applies here.
You’re going to convince yourself otherwise. You’ll watch a film with a cool male lead, or a meet a rocker in real life and think “I have to be like that.”
You don’t. In fact, you can ignore this entire section.
The only reason I explained it is because I wanted to you to be able to spot the things you CAN do, but don’t actually NEED to. Because you will be motivated to make the easy, superficial changes more than the real ones.
Here’s the stuff you do have to get right:
These are by far the most important things you need to focus on and they’re all behaviors.
Being assertive with your boundaries is the cornerstone of cultivating what other people will refer to as your edginess or your “bad boy” vibe. In plain English, what they’re referring to is the fact that you aren’t a pushover and you’re comfortable letting people know they’ve pissed you off.
With girls, this has the side effect of you not putting her on a pedestal and treating her in a way that she might not necessarily deserve. This is both extremely attractive and has you rejecting girls that aren’t right for you.
The ability to do this comes from knowing what you will and will not tolerate and expressing that to others. It comes from getting in touch with your emotions and allowing yourself to acknowledge how other people’s behavior actually makes you feel.
This is hard work, but it pays off.
I’ve referred to his multiple times, but being sexually assertive is HUGE.
You have to be able to pull the trigger and make a move, and you have to be able to do much faster and much more aggressive than your average guy.
This is what makes you ‘sexually threatening’: you wear your sexuality on your sleeve. And whilst you aren’t a creep who pursues girls who aren’t comfortable around you, or aren’t interested in you – you’re fully capable of going after the ones who are.
This is something that is developed over time and over many failures.
The core components come from a variety of places:
Namely that you’re okay being rejected, you qualify women early to see if they’re interested in you, and you’re extremely physical.
If you focus on cultivating those three things, you’ll be fine.
Guys who suck with women are massive over-sharers and often talk too much.
They’re trying to impress her, make her laugh, or some combination of the two. In other words, they’re a bit of a performing monkey.
Here’s what guys who are good with women know:
You don’t have to entertain or impress women. And the fact that you know you don’t have to do those things and don’t try to is often entertaining and impressive to women in and of itself.
Retain some mystery about you, and share the things you genuinely want to share. You will develop more comfort in your own skin and more confidence in your passive ability to attract women – which, if you followed the rest of this advice, will be in place.
This part is the icing on the bad boy cake. It’s where you’ve become an assertive, sexually confident guy, who is completely at ease in his own skin and self-worth.
Sounds good to me.
About John Matich John is a writer from the UK who splits his time between travelling the world and trying to find unconventional solutions to dating and personal development. You can find more from him at www.lifeuncivilized.com.