How Can A Shy Guy Get A Girlfriend?
Whether you identify as shy, anxious or introverted, the problem is probably the same.
The girls in your life don’t see you in that way – and you’re too shy to speak to women you don’t know.
Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that these beautiful strangers would have no interest in speaking with you. After all, no-one else is.
Perhaps you picture how embarrassed you’d be if everything goes wrong – and it’ll almost definitely go wrong. After all, you’re a nervous wreck.
Yet, on the other hand, you hear women bemoaning that there are no good men out there – and you feel like you could be a respectful, loving boyfriend
…if only someone gave you a chance.
But no women are taking a chance on you. Instead, they fall for the next obnoxious, narcissistic loud-mouth.
The guy who loves being the centre of attention. The guy who doesn’t hesitate to approach her. The guy who wasn’t cursed with this debilitating shyness.
You might feel helpless, as if you’re destined for a life of loneliness. Maybe you’ve tried and failed to be more outgoing.
Whenever the moment arrives, your body stops you. Your heart rate increases, your legs get heavy, your mind goes blank and it feels like you’re physically being held back.
Your female friends tell you to “be yourself” and that you’ll eventually find someone who loves you for you.
But all evidence points to the contrary.
How are you meant to ‘find’ someone when you’re too scared to even walk over and speak to them?
Online dating was designed to make it easier for you to meet women, but the stats suggest it’s highly inefficient if you’re not blessed with good looks, and it doesn’t eliminate the problem of crippling shyness on a first date.
So, how can a shy guy get a great girlfriend? Will the hotties always choose the extroverted chads over the shy guy?
I’d argue it’s possible for the shy guy to win a woman’s heart…if he can find the bravery to temporarily overcome his shyness.
The first step to believing you can overcome shyness is understanding why it exists.
In order to do this, think back to when you were a toddler. It’s highly likely there wasn’t an ounce of shyness inside you. Most young children don’t think twice about sharing their emotions with anyone who will listen. They don’t worry about what’s good enough to say or what other people will think. They just express.
This doesn’t change until they start to encounter strict parents, teachers or school bullies.
That’s when we start to hear negative feedback for showing our full personality.
“Can you please shut up for one minute!?”
“Why can’t you behave like your sister?”
“Stop acting stupid!”
This can be highly damaging at a young age, and kids will soon learn to fear expressing themselves fully. This is how shyness forms.
There are no natural-born introverts. Only broken extroverts.
Shy men aren’t bad people. It’s possible that they are also athletic, intelligent, kind, loving, funny and interesting – and these are all highly attractive qualities.
In fact, the stereotypical introvert is believed to be a deeper thinker, a better listener, more sensitive and more grounded than an extrovert.
There are plenty of blogs and articles celebrating the advantages of introversion, but these only exist because most people don’t get to witness them. This is the biggest hurdle stopping shy guys getting a girlfriend. No girls get to see their awesomeness!
The loud outgoing guy normally gets the girl – even if he has asshole tendencies – firstly because he’s meeting more of them – but also because he’s demonstrating a number of other highly attractive qualities. Charisma, self-confidence, assertiveness, bravery etc.
By being shy in social situations, you’re not only failing to show your best personality traits, you’re revealing a lack of these attractive extroverted qualities.
Sure, there’s loads of shy male protagonists in TV and film who get the girl, ahead of the loud-mouth asshole.
This typically happens either because the woman takes the first steps to starting a conversation and flirting, and/or because the guy momentarily overcomes his shyness to ask her out.
In reality, it’s incredibly rare for a woman to make the first move, which is why it’s highly recommended for shy guys to overcome their fears…
Shyness, just like any other fear-based problem is deeply unhelpful, yet possible to fix. What’s more, there’s no need to stop “being yourself”. You just need to learn to access the “best version of yourself”. The version of yourself that comes out when you’re surrounded by friends, family or people you trust.
Isn’t it funny how shyness disappears around these people? So why does it strike around beautiful women?
The main reason is because you care about their opinion. You attach your self-worth to it, so you’re desperate to impress them. Suddenly, there’s a lot on the line when you speak to some woman you’ve never met.
There are plenty of self-esteem exercises which can ease these fears and stop you worrying about strangers’ opinions, but the best cure for this type of shyness is exposure therapy. Face your fears head on and start talking to beautiful women.
You may need to baby-step this process depending on your level of shyness. Perhaps you need to start by asking directions. Then, move up to giving compliments. Afterwards, try giving compliments and staying in the conversation. Eventually, you can push yourself to ask them on a date. On the date, you’ll need to be brave enough to flirt physically and ultimately pull them back to your home.
The process of overcoming any fear can be long-winded, and you may suffer setbacks.
Still, if you keep pushing your comfort zone, you’re going to start landing a few dates. During this process, it’ll become easier to become confident around women you’ve just met, because you’re building this library of moments when doing so yielded positive results. You’ll also learn that it’s not such a big deal when a woman rejects you. The very situation that stifled your personality is actually not so terrible! Sure, it might be mildly embarrassing, but the potential upside far outweighs this.
Once you realise this, meeting women then becomes exciting instead of scary. Showing them the “best version of yourself” becomes second nature.
Ultimately, you’re going to find a woman that likes you. A common hurdle at this point is to unnecessarily supplicate to her. You see her as the missing piece to your puzzle, the sacred key to ending this scary journey of singledom. You treat her like this perfect princess who can do no wrong – and eventually scare her off. After all, this behaviour repels most mentally healthy women…
So don’t do that. Play it cool. Keep meeting girls. Give her the space to chase you. Let her be the one who asks you to go exclusive. Do this and you’ll end up in a much stronger relationship, where she respects and adores you a whole lot more.
Of course, at this point, you can choose to revert back to being shy around new people.
Yet, the truth is, you’re likely to have outgrown it.
And this can only serve to benefit you in every area of life…
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>