What is a wingman – and why should you find one?
A wingman is a friend who makes it easier for you to meet and seduce women. It’s really useful to have one by your side at parties, nightclubs or even when you’re meeting women during the day.
If you’re too shy or anxious to introduce yourself to beautiful women, a wingman can assist you with that.
They can also help if you struggle to enjoy yourself on a night out, frequently run out of things to say in conversations or have problems keeping a group of people entertained.
Put simply, if you’re trying to meet women without a good wingman, you’re shooting yourself in the foot.
Humans are very tribal. It’s said that a lot of our social fears stem from our primitive urges to not be ‘cast out from the tribe’.
Back in caveman times, this scenario would have meant being left to fend for yourself, making it almost impossible to survive. Despite the fact this would never happen in modern society, the fear of being discarded by our peers still supposedly sits within our DNA.
So, if you surround yourself with guys who make excuses not to approach women, you’re going to find it harder to do so, especially if they tease and mock you for being rejected. This is a common defence mechanism among losers who would be terrified to introduce themselves to a beautiful woman they didn’t know. It’s their way of dragging you down and keeping you from exposing their weaknesses.
But, what if you surrounded yourself with friends who thought cold-approaching women was awesome – and spending your entire night out with guys was lame?
When all your friends are approaching beautiful women, speaking to them will seem more normal than not doing it. In fact, your fear of being ‘cast from the tribe’ may prevent you from standing in the corner like a pussy.
If you really struggle with approach anxiety, ask your wingman to push you into sets.
Common exercises include:
A great wingman will be happy to join your conversations, especially if the woman you like is stood with other people.
It can be intimidating to approach women when they’re in a group. Often, you’ll need to keep her friends entertained too, otherwise they’ll get bored and drag her away.
Yet, with a cool wingman to speak to her friends, it’s easier for you to make a connection with the women you’re attracted to.
Provided your wingman is a compelling conversationalist, her friends will remain entertained and be less likely to interfere in your interaction.
If it’s a two-on-two interaction, even better. You can choose a woman each to focus on.
This might involve a wingman ‘taking a bullet’ by occupying the less attractive women. In this situation, it’s good ‘wingman etiquette’ to return the favour for him in the future.
It’s really lame – and incredibly try-hard – to explicitly tell a woman about your greatest strengths and accomplishments.
But if your wingman mentions them in passing, she can discover all the great things about you without it appearing as if you’re actively trying to impress her. Ideally, you’d do the same for your buddy too.
The truth is: women will often judge you by the company you keep. If you’re hanging out with other guys who are fun, charismatic and have got their life together, you’ll appear cooler by association. It’s called social proof.
For this reason, the best ‘wingman’ you could have is a beautiful ‘wing-woman’. When members of the fairer sex notice you already have one woman who thinks you’re amazing, they’ll see this as proof that you’re ‘good with girls’ in general.
This can be more powerful than any ‘game’ you spit at them, because it’s physical evidence. Any guy can fake charisma for a short amount of time, especially with some alcohol inside them, which is why women tend to take their time to make their mind up about guys. However, when you have a gorgeous ‘wing-woman’ by your side, that’s a clear sign you’re the real deal, which can help you close the deal faster.
The main qualities to look for in a great wingman is fun and positivity. You need someone who you – and other people – feel happy to be around. Someone who emanates good vibes, not someone who sucks the energy from other people.
If your wingman has awesome game and is willing to teach you, that’s a great bonus. If your wingman is a beautiful woman, that’s an incredible bonus. If your wingman is your bisexual girlfriend who wants to pull threesomes with you, that’s what we call a unicorn. Keep hold of her.
Nevertheless, all you really need is someone who makes you feel more empowered to go out, have fun and speak to women with added confidence. Our guide on terrible wingmen lists 10 types of people you should avoid associating with at all costs.
Until earlier this year, it was so easy to find a great wingman.
There was a huge network of chat forums for guys who were into pick-up – one forum for each of the world’s major cities – which made it simple to find other people to storm the nightclubs with.
Yet, these forums were recently removed from the web, rendering it almost impossible to connect with like-minded guys.
I have been involved in a project to help replace this service. We’ve created Telegram groups to help you find wingmen in 50+ cities across the globe. Click here to see if a group has been created for your city. If it hasn’t, there’s a link within the document to vote for its creation.
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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>