How To Not Be Creepy
If you’re worried about being labelled as a ‘creep’ for trying to flirt with a woman, you’re not alone.
This is one of the biggest fears that stops men from approaching and flirting with women.
Nevertheless, this is a fear you need to overcome if you want to enjoy an abundant dating life.
A lot of guys are so worried about the ‘creep’ label that they’ll only approach women who give clear indicators of interest.
The problem with this is: most women won’t give you these clear indicators, especially if you’re some average-looking guy and they don’t know you.
By only approaching women who show IOIs, you’re severely limiting your options.
The solution is to learn how to approach and flirt with women in a manner that won’t creep them out.
This guide will help you do that.
People will tend to find you ‘creepy’ when they believe you have bad intentions.
Ironically, it’s when they’re not sure of your intentions that they’re most likely to be ‘creeped out’.
Below we have suggested several behaviors to help reduce the odds of being seen as a ‘creep’.
As you read on, keep this definition of ‘creepy’ in mind. This will make it easier to understand why these behaviors have been recommended.
If you startle a woman, your conversation could be over before it’s even started. Often, it’ll activate her panic response – and she might literally run away.
This is because you’ve invaded her physical space, before she knows your intentions. When a man does this, a woman’s initial response is to protect themselves from potential danger.
To avoid startling her, you need to be a safe distance away when you start communicating.
Try to approach from her line of vision, so she sees you coming. Ideally, you will make eye contact as you are walking up to her. If she hasn’t seen or heard you, give her a light tap on the arm before you continue. These tips all give her some time to anticipate your approach, potentially making it less shocking.
In some situations, such as a crowded nightclub or when she’s wearing headphones, you might have to break these rules. Even so, always approach from the front – and avoid any physical contact heavier than a light tap on the arm to get her attention. If you ‘creep up’ on her or initiate heavier physical contact before you even start talking, she will fear for her safety.
In some cases, you might follow all these rules only for her to still show visible signs of surprise. You can often save this situation by apologizing for startling her. (In fact, you can potentially get away with all the mistakes listed in this article if you acknowledge them and apologize).
A lack of social awareness also causes people to feel unsafe around you. Often, it leads them to wonder what other socially unacceptable things you’re capable of. As such, it’s important to show you’re aware of social norms whenever possible.
For example, when you approach a woman during the day, it’s often recommended to open with a statement of empathy, such as “I know this is a bit random”, as this shows you’re aware your approach may be outside her social norms.
For the same reason, it’s also recommended to acknowledge that you’re being “spontaneous” or “adventurous” whenever you’re pulling a woman home for a one-night stand.
The golden rule is: you can behave outside of social norms, provided you acknowledge it.
It’s important to be able to read other people’s body language and react when they appear uncomfortable. If you’re too lewd and a woman screws up her face, acknowledge it. If you get too physical too quickly with a woman and she tenses up, acknowledge it and back off.
When you do this, a woman sees you have social awareness and feels safer around you. When you don’t, she gets ‘creeped out’ and it’s probably game over.
If you suffer from approach anxiety, it’s common that you’ll hesitate or hide your true intentions when approaching a woman. Maybe you stare at her from afar, waiting for the perfect moment to introduce yourself. Perhaps you then start innocent chit-chat about the weather – even though you really want to flirt with her – or you whisper so other people can’t hear what you’re doing.
These are defense mechanisms to protect you from embarrassing yourself. However, when you hesitate or hide your true intentions, it communicates that you think your intentions are bad.
Most people can tell when you’re doing this, and it creates an uneasy feeling inside of them. The longer you keep this charade going, the worse this feeling gets.
A better strategy is to be loud and proud about your intentions from the get-go. This communicates that you have nothing to hide, and that she has nothing to be afraid of.
The funny thing is: you can get away with a lot more when you’re completely open about your desires.
Sure, there is a time and place for ‘dirty talk’. Once again, this comes down to social awareness. But you’ll be surprised how many women will respect you – and perhaps be even more attracted to you – when you are honest about your desires.
You may follow all the tips in this guide and still creep people out.
Everyone has a different threshold for what they find creepy, and this is the risk you take when flirting with people.
This is why it’s often recommended to be less direct when flirting with people at work, in school or anywhere else where you could develop a lasting reputation.
Still, by showing social awareness, empathy, honesty and the willingness to acknowledge when you’ve overstepped the line, you’ll massively reduce the chances of being labeled as a ‘creep’.
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>