How To Motivate Yourself To Be More Social
Do you want to go out and meet more beautiful women on a regular basis?
Silly question, right?
Most single guys want this…
After all, most guys understand this will increase their odds of hooking up with an absolute bombshell – not only because they’re meeting more bombshells, but also because they’re improving their game the more they go out.
Most guys logically understand that by consistently going out and honing their social skills, they’d eventually be able to secure the dating life of their wildest dreams.
Yet, they’re still motivated not to do it!
What a crazy paradox!
Even when they try really hard to motivate themselves, most guys can’t find the strength to go and meet women consistently.
As such, they’ll NEVER obtain the dating life they want so desperately. Instead, they remain the same anxious guy with a lack of social awareness and bad game. Forever. This isn’t a problem that solves itself…
If you are struggling with a lack of motivation to improve your social skills, you’re in the right place.
This guide features eight useful tips that’ll help you summon the willpower to go out and meet women on a more consistent basis.
These tips will not only help you stay motivated to meet women. They can be adapted to help you maintain any habit for a prolonged period of time.
Without a strong ‘why’, you won’t stay motivated to do anything remotely painful for very long.
It’s human nature. Our brains want us to remain alive and comfortable, above anything else.
This is why it’s a great idea to regularly meditate on why you want to improve your social skills.
Of course, you should envision all the nice things you’ll get if you improve your game to advanced levels. A beautiful girlfriend. A harem. A huge social circle. Feeling comfortable in your own skin.
However, it’s often even more powerful to sit and envision how it’ll feel if you don’t improve this area of your life.
Loneliness. Bitterness. No self-esteem. No sexual intimacy or (even worse) an unattractive partner who doesn’t fulfil you.
Sit in a quiet room and really picture what your life will look like. Take as long as you need to do this. Aim to make yourself cry. This can be the catalyst that inspires you to go out and make improvements over a prolonged period.
Humans are far more motivated by the avoidance of pain rather than the pursuit of pleasure.
A lot of people lose motivation because they set lofty goals, then suffer endless losses trying to reach them. They fail, fail, fail until they give up.
A better strategy to maintain your motivation is to set yourself obtainable goals, start a cycle of success and build on that.
For someone with severe social anxiety, they might challenge themselves to:
Ticking off these baby steps is a lot more motivating, then setting yourself a target of getting laid in a week, failing, feeling miserable and giving up.
Make sure to journal your progress too. Each day, write a few bullet points summarising what you did well and what you can improve on the next day. It really helps to see tangible evidence of your progress.
Also, set yourself a goal to enjoy the process of socialising, whatever stage you’re at. When you find something fun about the ‘hard work’ you’re putting in and focus on that, it becomes so much easier to stay on the grind.
Jim Rohn famously said that you’ll “become the average of the five people you spend the most time with”.
It’s a famous quote because it’s so accurate.
If your social circle is full of anxious introverts who never try and meet women, it’s common that you’ll feel satisfied approaching one woman every couple of months.
After all, that’s way better than your friends can do. You’re the king of this tribe.
But what if your friends were all highly social guys who were always meeting new people and racking up several lays per month. In most cases, you’d be more inspired to do the same.
A lot of guys try to drag their existing friends along with them on their self-improvement journey, but it rarely works. In most cases, these lazy and anti-social friends will discourage you or even shame you for trying to better yourself.
It’s a better idea to find new friends who don’t need to be encouraged to go out and meet new people.
Accountability is a great motivational tool. A lot of people would rather stick to an uncomfortable activity than admit to someone else they gave up.
Perhaps you have a friend who is willing to be your accountability partner. You can tell them your social goals and ask them to check in to see if you succeeded. If you can find a friend to take the challenge with you, that’s even better.
On top of that, you could publicly announce your goals on social media and use it to report your progress.
Aim to make it as convenient as possible to fit socialising into your day. Do whatever you can to eliminate distractions or hurdles. If possible, fit into your daily routine at a certain time so it becomes a habit.
The classic example of this is preparing your gym clothes before you wake up and working out in the morning.
In a social context, you could prepare the quickest and easiest way to get to your chosen social location.
Fatigue is a huge motivation-killer.
That’s one of the many reasons why it’s important to take care of your diet and exercise. Also, it helps if you tackle your most difficult goals at the start of the day before you are mentally fatigued.
It’s also important to be aware of social fatigues and how to avoid them.
A lot of people lose motivation because they stop believing in themselves. If you’re one of them, consider trying out this list of self-esteem boosting exercises.
Yes, it takes time to build self-belief. However, even if you’re not quite ready to believe in yourself, you can still believe in the process.
In this case, you may think: “I suck now, but if I follow these steps, I will get better.”
If you have enough confidence in a system, you might not necessarily need confidence in yourself. You’ll be able to approach women confidently – and enjoy the fruits of doing so – either way!
Eventually, you’ll gain enough positive experiences with women to start believing in yourself.
This “fake it until you make it” approach should only be used as a temporary replacement for actual self-esteem, but it works well enough to get you started on this journey of improving your social skills.
Motivation involves cultivating the right mood to take action. Discipline involves taking action whether you’re in the mood or not.
Motivation is fleeting and unreliable. It melts in the face of obstacles or unfortunate circumstances.
Discipline is a skill that can be built and improved. All of life’s winners have incredible discipline.
There are plenty of activities you can do to build your discipline, including consistently exercising, eating healthily, meditating, or taking cold showers. Choose your poison.
Whatever uncomfortable activity you choose to engage in consistently, it will help build your discipline to stick with other difficult tasks even when you don’t feel like it.
Discipline takes time to build. Research suggests it takes around 28 days for the human brain to accept a new habit. So, why not start a new daily habit of approaching two new women today!?
In four weeks time, you won’t need motivation to keep doing it. Instead, it’ll just be this new thing that you do…
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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>