How To Deal With Being Disliked
To be LOVED by some people, you have to risk being hated by others.
That’s because the easiest way to be loved is to shamelessly embrace the unique aspects of your personality.
Whatever makes you laugh, whatever makes you smile, whatever annoys you, share it without filters. Follow your passions relentlessly.
When you do this, it becomes easier to find women attracted to your personality.
And they won’t just like it. They’ll LOVE it.
Look at the most popular musicians in history; Elvis Presley. Michael Jackson. Freddie Mercury. Eminem. Kanye West. These are just five examples of artists who turned certain aspects of their personality up to 100.
That’s why their fans absolutely ADORED them.
Sure, they attracted haters too. To this day, a lot of people make fun of them. Some people despise them.
That’s the price of embracing the extremes of your character. But it’s a price worth paying.
Because this is the way to make people truly care about you.
The funny thing is: most people do the opposite of this.
Most people try to hide the quirky parts of their personality. They keep their head down, take no risks and try to blend in with society.
They filter themselves to try and be liked by everyone.
And it works to an extent…
When you suppress your true self, everyone thinks you’re ‘kind-of OK’. They’ll call you a ‘nice guy’. Nobody hates you. They have no reason to.
But no-one is truly excited to hang out with you either. For sure, no hotties will be queuing up to date you.
To attract a beautiful woman, you need to wow her. How are you meant to do that by trying to fit in?
Instead, you need to embrace your uniqueness, share your feelings and make peace with the fact that it might annoy some people.
Ignoring the haters is easier said than done.
It naturally feels uncomfortable to be disliked by one person – and the idea of attracting groups of haters can be truly terrifying.
This fear is biological. It can be traced back to the era when humans used to live in small tribes. Back then, if you fell out with a few people, you could have been outcast from the tribe, meaning no food and certain death.
Nowadays, we don’t face that level of risk, but the inherent fears remain.
These fears can be more prevalent if you were scorned by parents or school bullies when expressing yourself as a child. If this happened to you, acknowledging it can be a great first step to overcoming this fear.
We’ll explore a wide variety of ways to deal with it later. But, the simplest way is to look at it logically.
What’s the worst that could happen if someone doesn’t like you?
If you’re approaching a woman in a bar or on the street in a big city, the chances of ever seeing her again are minimal. The odds of her affecting your reputation among others are even smaller.
If you’re trying to make something happen with a woman at your gym, your school or especially in your workplace, it’s a different story. In fact, it’s actually smart to play it safe in these scenarios, at least initially.
But, in the wider world, there’s no logical reason to fear being disliked any more.
The ‘nice guy’, who does all he can to not be disliked, struggles to attract women.
This is largely because he fails to make an emotional impact. He’s too predictable. He doesn’t excite anyone.
But it’s also because he barely shoots his shot with women, for fear of offending them.
Instead, he’ll wait politely in her vicinity, issuing compliments, offering favors and hoping she eventually makes the first move.
The irony of this behaviour is that lots of people actually find it deplorable.
In most cases, it’s extremely see-through. Humans can often sense when someone’s words and actions don’t match their true intentions.
Perhaps we don’t always know what they really want, but we can feel when something is ‘off’.
It makes us uncomfortable, even if we’re not sure why.
It’s difficult to ‘like’ anyone who makes us feel that way. At most, we tolerate them.
Then, if we ever discover they were only being nice to get something, we often feel upset, betrayed or even angry.
So, the nice guy still fails his mission of not being disliked.
In fact, he’s just as likely to be hated as the obnoxious loudmouth who proudly shares his opinions with the world.
After all, we tend to respect people who are honest about who they are and what they want.
Even the ‘player’ that’s transparent about only wanting casual sex.
Sure, not all women will sleep with a fuckboy, but it’s hard to get angry at him if he’s honest and respectful about it.
So, even if you fear being disliked, you’re still better off being true to yourself.
You’ll earn more people’s respect – and you may end up getting what you actually want.
You’re not running for President. You don’t need the majority of people to like you. Politicians are the only individuals who truly benefit from trying to appeal to everyone.
But what if you’re trying to:
In all of these scenarios, you gain nothing from someone thinking you’re ‘kind-of OK’. You also lose nothing if someone outside your target niche really dislikes you.
To make these situations happen, you need to attract people in your target niche and make them LOVE you.
Inevitably, this will turn some people off.
So, let’s now explore five ideas to help you deal with the fear of being disliked.
If you fear being disliked, you probably don’t tease people enough.
Perhaps you think it’s rude or offensive. The truth is: good friends tease each other all the time. It’s a clear indicator that two people are comfortable around each other.
When you tease someone, it’s a sign you’re comfortable in their presence. You don’t feel below them. You’re on their level.
Most high-status men and beautiful women prefer when others act this way around them. It’s more enjoyable than people constantly treading on eggshells or chasing their approval, like they’re used to.
To tease properly, keep it fun and light-hearted. Joke about minor things or stuff that isn’t actually true. Smile, so they know you’re kidding. Keep eye contact so you notice if you went too far.
Try it for yourself. When done properly, you’ll notice most people have more fun in your presence.
Maybe you’ll offend a few who take themselves too seriously, but then you’ll learn this isn’t the end of the world. These people are the definition of boring. You don’t need them in your life.
If anyone mentions a hobby you dislike, tell them.
Don’t hold back either. Exaggerate your hatred for comic effect. Let them know exactly how stupid you find it. Make fun of it.
Remember the basic principles of teasing, and focus on the activity itself, not the people who enjoy it.
This will lead to more fun and engaging debates. You’ll also notice how most other people aren’t offended by an opposing opinion, as long as it’s presented in a fun way.
Most people don’t talk about their passions as much as they should. More commonly, they play down their love for it, because they fear it may bore or upset other people.
That’s a shame, because speaking passionately about your interests is an effective way to attract like-minded people into your life.
People who had no interest in that thing are still likely to admire and respect your passion too.
The following exercise is designed to show you that; film yourself talking about your biggest passion and post it on social media. Do it on live stream if you’re brave enough.
In most cases, around 95% of your followers will ignore it, 4% will LOVE IT and maybe 1% will leave a rude comment.
It’s worth sifting through the 96% to find the 4% of people who vibe with you, and that’s true outside of social media too.
The more you find, the less the haters will bother you.
Hopefully, this exercise teaches you to embrace your passions more often.
If you fear being disliked, you’ll fear asking for the things you really want. You either ask in a defensive apologetic manner that’s easy to reject, or you don’t ask at all.
That means you get way less out of life. It’s so unnecessary.
To prove this, try making ambitious requests of people.
Go to a cafe and ask someone to buy you a coffee. Haggle over the price of everything. At the end of a mediocre date, invite her back to yours anyway.
Do your best to ask as assertively as possible. Assume the best.
This exercise will show that rejection isn’t as embarrassing as you imagine.
More importantly, you’ll learn how much you can get when you ask in a confident manner.
This skill could well be one of the most important for improving your dating and professional life. Nearly every successful man has a story of shooting his shot, having no idea if it would work, and being pleasantly surprised.
If you’re a guy who had to work on building self-confidence, you probably have several of these stories.
You may even find that people like you better when you ask them for things. This phenomenon is called the ‘Ben Franklin’ effect and has been backed by scientific research, so there’s no reason to fear making requests of others at all.
When you’re always doing favors for people, they take you for granted. They take advantage of you. They respect you less. You’re a doormat.
When you’re not afraid to say ‘no’, people respect you more. They work harder to win your approval. They appreciate it more when you say yes. You’re an important person who values his time and sticks to his personal boundaries.
So, start saying no to things you don’t want to do.
Not only will you not have to do them, but you’ll be treated better in life overall.
We all know at least one person who doesn’t seem to care what people think of them. Even if they annoy us a bit, we probably respect them on some level. Perhaps we wish we could be a bit more like them.
Men with this type of attitude portray a sense of confidence that women find irresistible.
But that’s not the only reason to shed the fear of being disliked.
This fear can ruin your chances of success in any field, but only if you let it.
Get started with these fear-busting exercises today, and you’ll be well on your way to a more fulfilling and pleasurable life.
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>