Ultimate Phone Game Tactics
Neil Strauss will always be extremely respected in the community and I’m always open to hear his opinion on any topic. I haven’t read “Rules of the Game” yet but it is definately a book I would like someone to do a review of.
by Neil Strauss
So far, you’ve learned how to approach, demonstrate value, and exchange numbers. The next step”actually calling her”is a source of anxiety for some men. However, the rules of phone engagement are simple: Don’t do anything wrong. She’s only just met you, and one warning signal is the only excuse she needs to decide never to see you again.
You don’t want that to happen. So here are some hints:
To Block or Not to Block?
Many so-called experts advise blocking your phone number when calling a woman. They also suggest that you not leave a message if she doesn’t pick up.
The idea, they explain, is that if you keep calling, eventually she’ll answer”and once you’ve trapped her you can convince her to see you.
I don’t use or recommend this crowbar method, unless you’re a telemarketer.
The fact is: If she’s not calling you back or taking your calls, the problem is not with your phone game; it’s with your approach game, because you didn’t convey the qualities necessary for her to want to see you again. In fact, whenever something goes wrong at one stage in the interaction, it generally means you made a mistake in the previous stage.
So never block your calls and always leave a message. Why? Because it shows confidence. If you displayed an attractive personality, demonstrated your value, and conveyed trust when you first met her, she’s going to be excited when you call. (And make the message simple – the more you think about it or attempt to be clever, the more try-hard you appear to be.)
Your goal should be to leave every interaction with the woman worrying, “What if he doesn’t call?”
If you’ve seeded your event properly, when you do phone, she’ll know just what you’re calling about and she’ll be comfortable taking the call.
Here’s a general structure to follow on the first phone call:
1. Try to avoid introducing yourself by name. Instead, begin the conversation with a callback to your previous conversation. If you used the Village People opener to meet her, then when she picks up, say slowly and confidently, “So I found out: there’s no fireman in the Village People.” This way, instead of reminding her you’re a stranger (especially if she happens to have forgotten your name), you bring her right back to the good time she originally had talking with you.
2. To avoid any awkward pauses, after she greets you, launch into a quick story from your life. (See the Storytelling chapter in Rules Of The Game to generate fascinating stories.) Just make sure your story is short, and that the point of it isn’t to build yourself up, but to make her smile, laugh, and feel comfortable.
3. Speak in a deep, calm, comfortable voice tinged with fun and positive energy. It’s good to be upbeat, but don’t talk too fast or be too hyper. If you’re nervous, call a good friend first to get in a talkative mood.
4. After telling your short story, give her a chance to speak. Most of the time she’ll tell you about her day or ask a question. If she doesn’t, just move on.
5. Make plans for later in the week. Incorporating the push-and-pull you learned in the Disqualification chapter of Rules Of The Game, you might say something like, “I’m busy Friday and Saturday, but I’m having a small dinner party on Sunday. I’m casting a group of really interesting people, and you should come. We need a wild card.”
6. If you’re inviting her to an event other than your party, don’t frame the interaction as a date. Invite her to “hang out,” “tag along,” or “join” you and your friends.
7. If she says she can make it, great. If she’s busy, let her know about one of the other events on your calendar. And only one. Unless she gushes with enthusiasm to go, tell her she’d probably enjoy it and if a space frees up, you’ll call her and let her know.
8. Whether or not she’s available, don’t suddenly say goodbye and hang up after inviting her out. Just as you did after exchanging phone numbers, continue the conversation for another minute or two. Add a little playful banter or share a quick, related story.
9. End on a high note and don’t linger on the phone. You’re busy. You’ve got things to do.
Though this script is simple and has been used effectively by thousands of men, it’s not the only way to handle the first phone call. As you become more comfortable with the process, for example, you may want to distinguish yourself from other men by calling first just to talk briefly, and then making plans on the second call.
If you prefer to text, try to avoid it for your first interaction. It doesn’t convey enough personality, it’s passive, and some people don’t text . On the other hand, if you fall into the trap of phone tag before having your first conversation, texting can save the day.
If She’s Too Busy Again . . .
If she’s vague about committing to plans or turns down multiple invitations, it’s time to examine your game. At some point in the initial interaction, you probably made a mistake. Perhaps you conveyed lower social value, came across as desperate, or exchanged phone numbers too early. Maybe your sense of style (or lack thereof) didn’t fit her dating criteria. Figure out what your shortcoming was and work to improve it. In a few rare cases, if you’re doing everything right but she’s still flaky, she may have a boyfriend, or still be getting over one.
In general, never accept the words “too busy” as a regular excuse. If Angelina Jolie called and invited you to a dinner she’s having at her mansion with Bono, Jay-Z, Brad Pitt, and George Lucas, would you be able to make it?
Of course you would. You’d break whatever plans you had, blow off work, and probably pay money if you had to.
Your goal in every interaction is to be so interesting, such a rare find, that she’s never too busy for you. After all, if you met the perfect 10, wouldn’t you manage to find time for her?
So be the perfect 10.
What to text a girl: What should you text her? Check out this collection.
The Player’s Guide to Texting Girls: Here are some mistakes to avoid
More texting tips: This is a collection of texting and phone game advice.
Text examples to send a girl: Here are some of Lance’s favorite texts to send.
Phone Game Basics: This is how you should handle phone game
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.