Do Women Care if You’re a Virgin?
These days, more and more guys are entering their 20s and 30s as virgins. Personally, I’ve even taken a 41 year old client out to meet women in bars and clubs who was still a virgin, despite standing at a height of 5’11 and having a great job in finance.
The high number of male virgins today is happening for a few main reasons:
Lack of an effective male role model to teach them how to be good with women, as they transitioned from boyhood to manhood.
Women behaving as though they don’t even need a man.
Men watching way too much porn and gradually believing that to have good sex, they have to have a big penis and give her pornstar style sex.
TV shows and movies depicting women (for the sake of entertainment) reacting angrily if a guy shows sexual interest and then virgin guys thinking that women will behave like that in real life.
In the animal kingdom, when a male lion comes of age he begins to make his move to acquire a female lion to breed with. If he’s unsuccessful with one group of females, he goes to another area and meets some more. Unlike us human males, a lion has to fight and sometimes kill another lion to take over the pack and territory so he can then breed with the female(s).
As a human man, you simply have to walk over and talk to women and if you’re able to get her attracted by displaying confidence, social intelligence and masculinity, then she is not only going to be interested in having sex with you, but she’ll most-likely want to be your girlfriend or wife. After you’ve had sex, she’ll fall in love with you (if you’re a confident guy and make her feel how she wants to feel emotionally), regardless of whether you were a virgin before her or not.
Throughout nature, you will see animals following their “animal instinct” and simply breeding when it is time to do so. However, in the human mating and dating scene, you will see men (and women) getting all nervous and uptight about the process because of cultural influences, their upbringing and their personal insecurities. For instance, if a guy has grown up in a strict household where he was taught that sex was bad, or if he’s watched way too much porn or seen way too many “comedy” movies about men being rejected by women, then the idea of sex and losing his virginity can turn into a really big deal for him. Instead of following his human instinct, he will be overwhelmed by his insecurities and become nervous, self-doubting and fearful at the thought of being able to lose his virginity. To avoid messing up, he might even ruin any opportunities he has to have sex with women.
In the United States, most guys lose their virginity by the average age of 17 and most girls lose their virginity by the average age of 17.3 years. Generally speaking, most people around the world lose their virginity between the ages of 16 and 20. Of course, there are always extenuating circumstances that may prevent a guy from losing his virginity during those years, such as:
Religious beliefs: There are many religions that condemn sex before marriage and many young people choose to wait for their wedding night before losing their virginity. Each person is entitled to make their own choice and if their choice is based on their beliefs, then losing their virginity later in life will not be a problem for them.
Cultural and moral restrictions: In many cultures around the world, premarital sex is severely frowned upon. For moral reasons, young people in these cultures often choose to abstain until they are married.
Childhood trauma: In some instances, people experience certain traumas in their childhood, such as an attempted rape or molestation, which puts them entirely off the idea of sex.
Physical restrictions: In cases where people are suffering from some kind of physical disability, sex may either be impossible, or because of the disability, the person may feel self conscious and therefore avoid having sex altogether.
Assuming that a guy is not restricted by any of the above reasons, being a virgin after a certain age can become a problem for him. If he leaves it too late, he may become one of those guys who are simply afraid of real sex. Women will detect his fear and tension when they interact with him and it will make them unable to relax and open up to him sexually.
It’s too late when you have left it so long that it has become a serious issue for you and is affecting you psychologically. If your friends have already begun having sex with women, but you are still a virgin, the anxiety and pressure of not losing your virginity can really start to weigh on you. This can lead to a host of other problems such as developing a fear of women, a fear of rejection or approach anxiety, which will prevent you from approaching women, dating them and ultimately having sex.
If a guy is still a virgin because of moral, physical, religious or psychological reasons (as mentioned earlier), then his approach to sex will be based on these considerations. If however, he is still a virgin because of fear of failure or not being good enough, then the issues stem deeper than just his virginity. Often, guys are still a virgin late into their 20s, 30s or even 40s because of some (or all) of the following reasons:
Lack of self confidence: Many guys lack confidence when they find themselves in the presence of a beautiful woman. They behave in a shy and nervous way, which makes the woman lose interest in him right from the word go. Why? Women are sexually attracted to the strength in men, not the weakness.
Being soft around women: Contrary to what many guys think, being the soft, gentle, unassuming nice guy won’t get him far with women. Women like guys who are mentally and emotionally strong and secure and if a guy plays “nice” all the time, putting her on a pedestal and allowing her to dominate him, then she will lose interest and look for a stronger guy who will naturally make her feel more girly.
Bores women to tears: A guy who is a boring conversationalist will automatically be perceived as being boring in bed too. A woman will switch off if a guy is a boring conversationalist and will not be bothered to take things to the next level with him. Many virgins who I’ve coached are emotionally guarded during conversation and stick to straightforward, plain conversation with women to avoid being judged on their emotional opinion.
Has no idea how to flirt: Flirting is the prelude to sex and if you don’t do it, then you’re missing out on creating that instant “spark” between you and a woman. Trading jokes, using playfully arrogant humor, innuendos and suggestive body language is how two people “discuss” having sex without ever having to bring up the subject. A guy who doesn’t know how to flirt is severely limiting his chances of ever getting a woman to feel attraction for him and become open to having sex with him.
Is insecure: A guy who approaches a woman already fearing her rejection is definitely setting himself up to fail. Women can sense insecurity from a mile away and because insecurity spells weakness, they are already turned off at the beginning of the interaction.
Lacks drive and perseverance: As odd as it may sound, if a guy is afraid to approach a woman and make her want to have sex with him, then what else is he afraid of pursuing in life? The ability to choose the woman he wants, pass her initial tests of his confidence and then guide her through a sexual courtship, is a sign that he knows what he wants in his life and that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get it. The opposite of that is a guy who waits to be chosen by the woman, and by association, waits to be chosen in life.
Every guy who I’ve ever helped to lose his virginity has asked, “But, what if she doesn’t enjoy it?” thinking that he won’t be good enough. I always explain that as soon as your penis enters a woman’s vagina, it feels good for both of you as long as it is consensual. If she’s a virgin, then it will hurt her the first or second time so it won’t be as enjoyable, but if she’s already had sex before, then she will moan with pleasure whether you’re a virgin or not.
It’s just natural and how it works. You don’t need to be an expert at sex to place your penis inside a woman’s vagina. It’s a simple act of nature like eating or walking and once you begin, both you and the woman will be feeling a whole lot of enjoyable, welcome pleasure from it. So, don’t worry about her not enjoying it. Just follow your natural instincts and go for it.
Another worry that guys have is whether the woman will be able to tell that he’s a virgin. As long as you don’t bring it up or act nervous about the whole thing, she will just go with the flow and enjoy it. Additionally, when you approach a woman for the first time, she knows nothing about your or your potentially “virgin status.” If you can approach her, make her feel sexual attraction for you and then go with her to your place (or hers) to have sex, being a virgin never even has to come up in the discussion. Do women care if you’re a virgin? Only if you make it a big issue and if it is preventing you from “closing the deal” when you’re with a beautiful woman. As the classic Nike slogan say, “Just do it” and it definitely applies to losing your virginity. You just have to go ahead and do it.
Although being the proverbial 40 year old virgin can be something that causes anxiety and even depression in a guy, all is not lost. You will lose your virginity soon and, believe me, it will be great. You will kick yourself for not doing it earlier. If you need help with approaching or talking to women or escalating to kissing and sex with women, then I recommend that you read my article about how to get a one night stand or watch my video program called >Dating Power. It’s jam-packed with tested, proven to work techniques for approaching women and escalating the interaction to kissing, sex and a relationship.
About dan Bacon Dan Bacon is a dating expert and the founder of The Modern Man, a company which has helped 1,000s of men achieve success with women. He has held seminars, appeared on TV and had catwalk model girlfriends. He's now in a committed relationship with the love of his life.