How Do You Create Attraction Over Text?
Texting, whether you like it or not, has a massive role in your dating life.
Whether it’s Whatsapp, Facebook, or iMessage – people speak over text every day. And when it comes to flirting, most of them completely suck.
At some point, you’re going to be in a position where you’ll to need to know how to create attraction over text.
And if you’re anything like me, then you’ll find this an annoying position to be in.
I’m not a big texter. But it’s something I’ve had to learn to do.
I’ve lost countless girls because my texts were lifeless, and I’ve ended up dating many because they had a certain spark.
And in all those failures and successes, I’ve learned a simple rule:
Empathising with the feelings of the person on the other end of the phone is key. When you truly get this, everything falls into place.
Creating attraction over text is easy to learn, but hard to master. But before we get into how to do it, we need to go over some texting ground rules that you cannot ever break.
This is the number one rule with girls, and nowhere does it apply more than in texting.
Conversations over text are shallow and often dropped on a whim. Because of this, you can be pretty much anything but boring.
As soon as you are, you’re dead in the water, and you have to start all over again if you even can at all.
You can’t control her feelings, and you have zero idea of what they are when you text her. You’re just shooting something into space and hoping for the best.
The odds of success aren’t that high.
But they’re a shitload higher if you aren’t boring.
Receiving texts all the time is irritating, and it reeks of desperation. First of all, if you have that much to say, wouldn’t you just call her?
Second of all, don’t you have anything better to do?
Because if you don’t, then you need to sort out your lifestyle otherwise you’re making basic fundamental mistakes that are making you unattractive.
If you are genuinely attractive and your life is genuinely attractive, both of these things will speak for themselves.
Trying to impress her is lame, a massive turn off, and most of all, it’s boring. And you are not allowed to be boring.
Make a habit of spotting yourself doing this. Then cut it out.
Unless she’s already in an extremely sexual mood and is already very attracted to you, this is just going to make her uncomfortable.
You’re going to come across as a predator, lacking self-control, or you’ll just trigger feelings of sexual shame/that you just want her for one reason.
You’d be amazed how many creepy dick pics some girls receive. I know a girl who receives them almost weekly.
At best, they find them funny (and not in a good way). At worst, they’re grossed out or threatened.
It’s just weird, and unless you look like Brad Pitt, it’s not going to work.
Now that the ground rules are out of the way, let’s get to the meat and bones of how this all works.
Assuming you don’t know her, and this is a number you’ve got from a nightclub or bar, you’re going to want to send her a text that grabs her attention.
Sure, sometimes a ‘Hey’ will work, but this massively depends on how she’s feeling. Err on the side of being playful, fun, and silly.
Sending her something like ‘I saw you try to steal my wallet’ with the angry/shocked emoji is far, far more likely to start a conversation (and a funny one) than saying ‘hey’.
But again, any line depends on how she’s feeling.
You simply want to operate from the perspective of ‘If I was bored and scrolling through Facebook, and this message popped up on my phone – would it make me smile/laugh/be intrigued and want to reply or would it make me more bored?’
Texting is shallow (for the most part), and whilst you can have deep conversations over text, they’re actually pretty rare, and best saved for a phone conversation.
You want to treat a text conversation as a playful distraction. One you do to have fun and one that you’re moving in a direction of a date or phone call.
Keep things light and make fun of her. Use basic teasing to flirt over text.
The easiest way to think of teasing is to think of a childish insult. Calling someone stupid is just annoying, calling someone a dummy is kinda funny.
You can also do things like compliment her, then reverse it completely into a playful tease. Use emojis liberally.
The main thing is to poke fun at her and riff off what she says.
Following on from teasing, innuendo is massive. And also the most fun.
Innuendo is basically just spotting where a random, offhand comment from her can actually be misinterpreted as having a sexual double meaning.
Another thing you can do here is accuse her of having a dirty mind. Again, the rule with both is to be playful.
The easiest way to develop this is to broaden your vocabulary and pay attention to the moment.
It’s easy to start off with a lot of teasing and innuendo, but it’s also shallow.
Yes, yes, I know I said texting is shallow and you should play to this – but not 100%.
You want to introduce elements of connection into your teasing.
First, because it’ll show whether you actually like her. You might find her boring after all. If so, why are you still talking to her?
Second, because it develops comfort between the two of you. This amplifies attraction.
You introduce connection by threading in details about your life and asking her details about hers. You connect to the emotions of whatever the fact is.
I.e. ‘I care about my family, they really helped me when I was sick.’ Connects with ‘I’m similar. I care a lot about my friends because they helped me out when I was really down.’
If not, you connect with the fact itself.
Be genuine here. Faking it isn’t just obvious. It’s also lying. Don’t be that guy.
You can’t be boring, so texts have to make her feel something. This can be a sense of connection, it can be arousal, or it can even be anger – but it cannot be boredom.
With this in mind, make sure your texts do something to further some kind of feeling between the two of you, or things are gonna fizzle out.
If you’ve hooked her, teased her, used innuendo, and are having an emotionally led conversation – odds are she’s having fun and is reasonably (or very) attracted to you.
Now you want to throw her off balance.
Be direct. Tell her she’s cute. Own your sexuality.
Don’t go overboard and send her some Romeo and Juliet sonnet, and don’t start calling her ‘baby’.
Just state that you think she’s cute. So far you’ve been more subtle / implying your attraction. Now you’re just saying it.
This will do one of two things:
By now you will have built a level of attraction that you can take in a sexual direction. This is where you’d normally start talking about sex after gradually introducing it.
But to be honest – I think that’s a rookie mistake.
If you’ve built a solid level of attraction, then capitalize on it and call her.
Anything less is just not as good.
It’s more attractive, more arousing, builds better connection, and if you do it at this moment, the sexual tension will be much higher than if you did anything else.
About John Matich John is a writer from the UK who splits his time between travelling the world and trying to find unconventional solutions to dating and personal development. You can find more from him at www.lifeuncivilized.com.