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5 Common Dating Mistakes To Avoid In Your 20s

depressed young man in his 20s

Avoid or fix these dumb errors as quickly as possible

One of the great things about being a man is that we can grow more and more attractive as we get older.

Whereas women’s beauty begins to fade in their mid-20s, men’s attractive qualities – such as assertiveness, charisma, groundedness, intelligence, wealth – should increase as we age.

Provided we look after our health, we can get better-looking as we age too.

The flip side to this is that we tend to make stupid mistakes in our 20s, which ruin our game and make us incredibly unattractive.

The longer we go without fixing these mistakes, the longer we live unsatisfying dating lives.

Here are five common dating mistakes that most 20-somethings will make, which you need to avoid or fix at all costs.

1. Staying in your introverted comfort zone

There are plenty of reasons you may have been anti-social as a teenager. Perhaps you had shitty parents or bullies that ruined your confidence. Maybe your mindset was solely focused on your studies or some extra-curricular activity.

That’s in the past now. You’re no longer at the whims of your parents. It’s time to make your own decisions about what’s best for your life.

While it might feel more comfortable for you to remain isolated as a 20-something, this isn’t going to help you attain the dating life you desire.

The best way to find the perfect woman for you is to be out meeting lots of women. Your social skills and your game will improve the more you practice.

So, it’s probably best to put the video games away and start engaging in more social pasttimes.

2. Obsessing over a friend

It’s the classic dilemma for every college rom-com ever made.

The protagonist obsesses over their one special crush, who either only sees them as a friend or doesn’t even know they exist.

If it’s a guy crushing on a girl, he has to wait for the perfect moment to make a move. A moment that never seems to arrive. There’s never any other love interests on the scene either. He only has eyes for her.

In the movies, this is cute and he always seems to somehow get the girl in the end. In real life, it’s the most pathetic waste of time and energy.

It’s one of the biggest myths of modern dating that it’s best to be ‘friends first’, subtly show that you’re ‘boyfriend material’ and wait for her to show a sign she likes you.

You’re much better off expressing your attraction to her from the get-go. The boldness it takes to do this with confidence and swagger is often attractive enough for her to at least consider it, regardless of how long she has known you.

Even if she tells you to take a hike, you now don’t have to waste months or years daydreaming about what it would be like to ask her out.

3. Settling for the first woman who will have you

A lot of guys of couple up with distinctively average partners because they’re terrified of approaching women, scared of loneliness and don’t think they could get anyone better.

It’s certainly possible to maintain a happy relationship based on these foundations.

However, there is a common scenario which tends to ruin everything.

  • The man fails to set boundaries for his partner because he’s so scared of her leaving. She notices this and begins to walk all over him. She stops putting in as much effort to please him, knowing he won’t leave either way. She’ll nag and shame him, often through bitterness at also not being able to attract anyone better.
  • The relationship descends into an unhappy, codependent mess. If one half of the couple attracts romantic interest from someone else, they’ll often leave or cheat, if only because they’re so fed up with how they’re being treated in their relationship.
  • If and when the relationship does end, the man often struggles to find a new partner for months or years. Because he’s not only heartbroken, he’s still terrified of approaching women. He still doesn’t think he’s worthy of a true stunner. These were problems he should have addressed before settling into a relationship.

You can avoid this scenario by getting good with women in general before you settle down, then choosing the best partner from a bigger selection of options.

By doing this, you’ll also avoid another common problem – the ‘grass is greener’ syndrome. It’s easier not to be tempted by other women if you experience plenty of sexual variety in your younger years, then settle down with whoever you like best.

4. A long-distance relationship

Many students will try to make it work with their high-school sweetheart, even when they go to different colleges. In this new age of online dating and social media, some young adults may even choose to start a relationship with a partner who lives several hours away.

The problem with long-distance relationships is that you miss out on improving your game and you miss out on sexual variety. Plus, you don’t even get to experience what it’s like to be in a happy relationship because you’re barely together!

It’s the worst of both worlds.

The majority of long-distance relationships don’t work out (especially when there’s no solid date for reuniting), so they’re essentially a huge waste of time.

5. Marriage and kids

Marriage and kids can be awesome. If you’re in love and want to start a family, go ahead and do it.

But not in your early twenties…

The fact is: our personalities tend to change dramatically between the ages of 20 and 30. This includes our goals, our beliefs, our hobbies, our political viewpoints and what we want in a partner.

That’s why so many young marriages tend to break up. The husband and wife become different people.

Our personalites and goals tend to remain more stable in our 30s and beyond, so why not save your marriage and children for then?

If you’re going to be together until death do you part, what’s the rush to have weddings and babies? Give yourself a few years to enjoy each other. If you wait and save money, you might even be able to pay for your wedding and kids without going into eye-watering debt.

If the relationship falls apart before then because you became different people, you’ve saved yourself from a messy divorce and a dysfunctional family.

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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>

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