How To Approach And Open Like A Boss
You could be the best partner for her in every imaginable way, but if you don’t approach and open smoothly, it could be all over.
A woman is conditioned to automatically reject approaches from men they don’t know.
Her initial assumption is usually that you’re creepy, weird, drunk, dangerous or all of the above. During the daytime, she might think you’re trying to sell her something or give some unimportant information.
And who can blame her? The majority of people approaching her fit into one of these categories.
It’s your job to quickly communicate that you’re different.
If you can learn this skill, you can capture a woman’s imagination and have her intrigued to learn more about you.
After all, most guys don’t have the bravery or social acuity to approach women in a smooth and confident way.
Read on to learn how it’s done…
There has been an unnecessary amount of words already written about how to overcome approach anxiety. Here, we’ll break break it down into four digestible tips.
In the long-term, it’ll prove useful to work on your self-esteem. Cold-approaching becomes far easier when you believe the woman may well enjoy speaking to you.
Still, in the moment, the four bullets above are all you need.
The first step to a successful cold-approach is to give the woman time to process what’s going on.
If she’s walking, position yourself so she’s walking towards you. This may well involve running to overtake her. Make sure there’s at least a couple of meters of distance when you start talking. This gives her a few seconds to adjust to the situation.
If you wait until she’s closer – or approach from the side or behind – you’ll startle her. In most cases, she’ll have scurried away before she even realises what’s happening.
Always square up to her. As you speak, make sure to maintain solid eye contact and a big smile.
A lot of guys who approach women aren’t loud enough.
During the day, they keep their voice down because they don’t want other people to hear. This communicates that you believe what you’re doing is weird or embarrassing. Needless to say, that’s a great way to creep a woman out.
In noisy bars and clubs, men believe they’re physically incapable of yelling over the music. The truth is: this limitation almost always stems from being too stifled to yell. If a woman can’t immediately hear you in these venues, you’re not going to drag her attention away from everything else that’s going on around her.
Make sure you’re loud enough. It’s better to be too loud than too quiet.
Also, communicate in a dominant tonality, where the tone drops at the end of the sentence. Avoid a permission-seeking tonality, where the tone rises.
It’s often suggested that the words you say are only responsible for 7% of communication. The rest is displayed in your body language and voice tonality.
Nevertheless, during the daytime, it’s still important to ensure that the woman quickly knows what you want. Being direct about your intentions not only shows off your confidence, it also eliminates any confusion about what’s happening. Remember, most men are too scared to approach a woman during the day, so she might have no idea why you wanted to talk to her. This confusion is often enough for her to excuse herself from the situation.
In a bar or club, it’s different. When women are approached by men in these venues, they tend to assume it’s because he’s attracted to her. For this reason, you can open the conversation with whatever’s on your mind. Here are some ideas to get you started.
You can’t (and shouldn’t) predict what’s going to happen after your opening line, but you should be prepared to calibrate to it.
If you startle her, apologize. If she looks completely creeped out, point it out and empathize. If she starts to walk away, deal with that (perhaps using a false time constraint). If her friends burst onto the scene, introduce yourself and win them over.
The more experienced you become at cold-approaching, the better you get at calibrating to these surprise reactions, because you’ll eventually have dealt with them all before.
Even if you follow all the above steps perfectly, don’t expect the conversation to burst into life immediately.
It’s rare that people are immediately receptive to a conversation with a new person, and this is especially true when a woman is being hit on.
In most cases, she’ll need some time to warm up to the guy. Make sure you give her that time!
During the opening moments, you can expect to provide 90% or more of the conversation. This isn’t easy, especially when you’re nervous and the woman is showing no indicators of interest. Still, you should expect her to be cold, nervous and giving one-word answers for the first few minutes.
If you remain cheerful, fun and confident during these awkward first exchanges, she’ll usually begin to open up. Here are some tips to help you through to the other side:
Most guys don’t make it this far because they believe the woman is 100% uninterested. Luckily, you now know better. If they were truly hating the conversation, they would leave or tell you to go away.
By staying fun and upbeat during these awkward initial moments, you’re essentially providing evidence that you’re a cool guy. Once she realises this, she’ll start to ask questions about you. This is a clear signal that she’s now interested in getting to know you.
From there, you can start giving her space to add to the conversation. Focus on having fun, flirting and getting to know each other. The longer you stay in the interaction, the more comfortable she’ll feel about the idea of meeting you again, so don’t leave earlier than you need to.
The interaction will typically end with you exchanging contact details to organise a date. Of course, if things are going really well, you could pull her home that day.
Nevertheless, these wonderful outcomes are only possible after a successful open, so make the most of these tips.
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>