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Why You Should Disregard Unique First Date Ideas

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Let’s unravel this myth. Fancy first dates aren’t helping you

A lot of men think they need to sweep women off their feet with a unique first date idea.

That’s highly unnecessary. 

In fact, it could hurt you.

Below, we’ll explore why unique first date ideas are unhelpful and where you should be inviting women. 

How do women feel when you invite them on a date? 

Of course, she might be excited, especially if you’re an attractive guy who she perceives as out of her league.

However, it’s also likely that she’ll be a bit nervous. 

Women are risking quite a bit when they meet a man for a date. For starters, she’s taking the risk of you being potentially awkward, creepy or even dangerous.

Women are a lot worse than men at handling this sort of thing, even though it’s a lot more common for them. There’s every chance she’s had a bad date with a creepy guy that still plays on her mind.   

Then, there’s smaller things like having to prepare herself, potentially being seen by someone she knows, thinking of interesting stuff to talk about. Honestly, women worry about things that might not even cross a man’s mind. 

Also, it’s far less of a big deal for her to cancel. Unless you really are out of her league, there are probably dozens of guys just like you willing to date her.

That’s why so many women will flake at the slightest worry or inconvenience. 

What happens when you invite women on a fancy date? 

For simplicity, we’ll define ‘fancy date’ as anything which requires extra preparation on her part.

This might be a fancy restaurant, which makes her feel like she needs to put extra effort into her appearance. Maybe it’s some sort of unique activity, which she has never done before and might embarrass herself trying. Honestly, it could be anywhere that she’s worried about travelling to or paying for. 

Now, the fears listed in the above paragraph may intensify in her mind. 

This isn’t only because she has to commit more time and effort into getting ready. It may also be because she’ll have to commit to spending longer with you on the date itself. This could worry her, if she isn’t completely sold on you yet.

You also need to consider what a fancy date communicates about your feelings towards her.  

Just because Hollywood tells us it’s romantic to blow her away with a super-romantic first date, that doesn’t mean it’s good advice.

In reality, a lot of women might be wondering why you’re putting so much effort into wooing her before you’ve even got to know her properly. It can come across as needy and desperate. 

If you’re rich – and it’s obvious that this type of date isn’t a big deal to you – she may not feel this way. However, you’re still in danger of characterising yourself as a ‘provider’ rather than a ‘lover’ – and many women have a habit of making ‘providers’ wait before jumping into bed with them. Our guide on using money to impress women explains this theory in more depth.    

What are some good first date ideas?

A great first date idea requires little-to-no investment from a woman. By reducing the amount of effort it’ll take for her to prepare and show up, you reduce the chances of her flaking. 

It’ll also help to arrange a date which is socially acceptable for her to leave if it’s not going well. A bar or a cafe near her house are good examples of this. She can finish her drink and leave within minutes. It’s far more awkward for her to duck out of a ballet performance or a three-course dinner in the city centre. 

This may sound like a negative mindset, because you might (and should) believe that you’re an absolute blast to hang out with. The thing is: she probably doesn’t know that yet. 

Your first step is to invite her on a date she’ll actually turn up to. Your second step is to be awesome enough that she wants to stay. 

Beyond that, you want a venue which looks fancy enough for her to be comfortable. Ideally, it’s quiet enough to hear each other and comfortable enough for you to relax next to each other. If there’s cool stuff for you to do or see, that’s a bonus. The closer it is to your house, the easier you’ll find it to pull her home.  

Here are some venues which fit this description. 

1. Cocktail lounges

A cocktail lounge is likely to be better than your run-of-the-mill bar. These venues tend to put a bit more effort into creating a relaxing and romantic ambience.

Lounges tend to have plenty of booths or sofas, so it’s simpler to nestle close to her for some light physical flirting

2. Hotel bars

Most five-star hotels in your city are likely to have fancy bars, and there are plenty that’ll let you enjoy a drink even if you don’t have a reservation. Bonus points if it’s a rooftop bar that overlooks the city.

3. Casino bars

Casinos spend a lot of money creating an atmosphere that ‘high rollers’ will enjoy, so it’s likely the bar at your local casino is fancy enough for a first date. 

When the conversation dies down, you can even show her how to play a game or two. Just don’t be that guy of pretending to be a ‘high roller’ and risking a lot of money. In that situation, she’s as likely to think you’re an idiot as she is to think that you’re spontaneous and daring. 

4. Coffee shops

There are plenty of coffee shops that have invested in high-end decor, sofas and booths. Perfect for a daytime date.

5. Shisha bars

This is a bit more of a niche suggestion, but it’s a good option if you’re both smokers.

Shisha bars are comfortable, sociable and you can bet a shisha pipe tastes better than whatever tobacco she’s usually putting in her mouth. 

For more general tips, see my top 5 rules for a first date.

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About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>

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