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5 Fastest Ways to Get a Woman Attracted to You


This article comes to you courtesy of the great Derek Vitalio. I’ve been reading Derek’s stuff for the past 4 years and always find something of value in what he has to say. This article is an awesome article to brush up on the amazing PUSH/PULL concept for picking up women.

Push/Pull is something you MUST learn if you want to successfully flirt with women. This is one of the better articles I’ve read on the subject in awhile.

5 Fastest Ways to Get a Woman Attracted to You

by Derek Vitalio

The best way to a woman’s heart isn’t her stomach, nor her mother -it’s her confusion.

You want a woman to wonder just a little bit where she stands with you, and to create a dynamic where she ends up coming some of the distance to feel YOU out. The best way to do this? Pushing and Pulling.

Inside the hearts of men…

There’s a Twilight Zone about a gambler who dies, and winds up in an ethereal casino.

He starts playing, and he’s winning every time, and he’s sayin’ ‘Alright! I made it to heaven!’

Then time keeps on passing, and he keeps winning and winning and never losing… until he realizes ‘Shit, I’m actually in hell.’

What exactly does that have to do with attracting women? Quite a lot, actually.

Simply put, we humans like getting what we want… but not if it’s TOO easy. If something just falls into our lap without a fight or without effort, it suddenly loses some worth. Maybe we start to reassess our first judgment, we question if it’s really worth having.

There is actually a scientific reason for this based on something called “unpredictable rewards.” Which explains why women love confusion.

After all, if it’s this easy, then everyone would be doing it. IF it’s worth it.

Not to mention, the journey helps CREATE the worth – the more you fight for it, the more you’ll savor it.

And I’m telling you this because…?

Don’t give it up too easily

Creating worth is ALL about attracting women.

If this were the 50s and I was a mom speaking to a daughter, I’d probably tell you to play hard-to-get.

But it’s the 21st century, I’m pretty sure you’re not my daughter and I KNOW I’m not your mom, so we need something more sophisticated. And as a man, we need to be more proactive, less passive about our chances.

We need to push. And pull. Make the woman feel like a yo-yo. It’ll drive her crazy – in all the right ways, all ways which are not only PART of a successful mating dance, they’re the MOST important steps.

Let me explain a bit.

Pushing and Pulling

What’s a pull? When you say something which is hopefully a bit cocky, playful, and funny all at the same time. Like she laughs at one of your jokes, you pause, give her a half-smile and say ‘You love me.’ or ‘I want a small wedding, ok?’ or ‘That was easy – all we need now is a little privacy and a soft surface. Or do you like it hard?’

Get it? Make assumptions about how attractive you are, how much she wants to jump your bones, and use all that to PULL her towards you. Let her know how lucky she is to have found you.

And at the same time, push. Let her know it’ll never work out. Say she tells you she only dates rich men, and she asks if you’re rich. ‘Nope. In fact, you’re paying for the next six rounds. That guy over there has an expensive shirt on, maybe you should hook up with him.’

Or if she says she likes bad boys, ‘Oh, my momma wouldn’t approve. I guess the wedding’s off – if that’s what momma says, of course.’

Basically, WHATEVER she says she looks for in a man, go ahead and play the OPPOSITE.

In words only we’re talking about. This is called flirting.

Every time you PULL with a compliment, you’ve got to PUSH with a tease. The vaguer and more possibly true, the better. If you’ve given a SINCERE compliment (as they all should be anyway), you’ve REALLY got to work on PUSHING HARD with something negative.

Something like ‘I’m not surprised YOU’D say that.’


‘I’m not telling.’


‘I don’t know you well enough – and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.’


‘See, you’re doing it again.’

Don’t be nasty, be fun – and mysterious

Remember, you want to keep everything PLAYFUL. That’s the key to making everything work.

She shouldn’t have any idea if you’re serious – with both the pushes and the pulls. You’ve got to keep her guessing the whole time.

This is EXACTLY where you want her mind to be – it both causes her to devote a LOT more mental energy to you than she would otherwise, AND it makes you more interesting. Complex. And fun.

That very complexity, interest, and fun GREATLY increases your worth.

Many of the women who were MOST into me were those who LEAST knew where they stood. As you practice this, you’ll find out it’s a VERY powerful tool.

Don’t be a jerk

One of the other things it sometimes does is create INSECURITY in the woman. Now, a little insecurity can be a good thing – it adds spice, keeps everything from becoming boring and monotonous, likewith our gambling friend.

But you don’t want to be cruel, and TOO MUCH insecurity can damage both the lady and your relationship with her. Don’t take this too far. If she seems to be getting genuinely upset, it’s time to pull a little bit – ‘Hey, don’t worry so much, look who I’ve decided to spend my valuable time with.’

But in general, men do WAY too much pulling, making it clear how awesome they find a woman and how much they want to be with her. Chances are very good your pulling skills (Vitalio usage) are overdeveloped.

Work in the weak link – pushing

So instead, my assignment to you is to work on your PUSHING skills. Think of different ways to say to her ‘Hey, I know the sun doesn’t shine out your ass. And I don’t need you – I can pull (British usage) a woman any time I like. And I’m not convinced we’re right for each other.’

Hint: the less you use words, the better this will work. Body language – like not facing her, or flirting with other women – is
often MUCH more powerful.

So today (or tomorrow, but don’t wait any longer) go find a woman you’re VERY attracted to. And figure out a way to keep her engaged while at the same time PUSHING HARD.

You’ll get the balance between push and pull as time passes, but for the moment, practice those playful pushing maneuvers. Remember to keep it FUN – once it’s not, you’re just a bastard. Which can work – it’s one of the reasons bastards get more than their fairshare of chicks – but not something I’d recommend on a human level.

Push-Pull in relationships (fledgling or otherwise)

One other thing – as you get to know a woman better and you enter the rapport stage, you shouldn’t lose the push-pull dynamic, but it should morph a bit. Into something more like reward and punishment – so you REMAIN an interesting challenge, but you use it to teachher what kind of behavior is acceptable for you.

For instance, if she’s been great, you can take her to eat her favorite food. If she’s acting moody and bitchy, you can cut your time together short – ‘I don’t appreciate this kind of behavior, and I don’t deserve it. I’ll call you later when it’s out of your system.’

Reward and punishment is a little trickier, and we’ll deal with it again at a later time. For now, focus on learning to PUSH just as well as you’ve learned to PULL.


About Bobby Rio

I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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  1. Zeo

    April 19, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    I liked the article a lot and agreed with most of it except when Derek said that most guys pull more than push. I agree with that to an extent. For an AFC who hasn’t learned any game, that guy pulls too much. But for guys who just learned the game, I’d say that they push too much to almost the point of being rude. I had that problem starting out. I would playful tease too much and I wouldn’t pull her in with a compliment so I came across as an asshole. You need the right balance of both to really seduce a girl.

  2. evilwoobie

    April 19, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    I love it! This is really a guy’s secret huh? Kudos to those who can hold that delicate balance.

    evilwoobie’s last blog post..Another Friend Takes The Plunge

    • harry

      July 30, 2012 at 10:12 am

      you are funny and what do you mean by that”

  3. Seraf24

    April 20, 2008 at 2:16 am

    Fuckin’ push pulls.

    My one-itus did this t me subconsciously. It definitely works. I thought about her all the time.

    I’m kind of doing it now with that chick I had my instant bounce with (I wrote about her in the FR sections of this site). She is WAAAYYYY into me. I think I’ll pop her cherry as a reward 😉


    • Anonymous

      March 23, 2015 at 12:22 pm

      Trying to be a bad boy tough guy by diminishing a woman from a human into the object of a con game will not work for you in the long run. Dont be an ass- just be real, honest (be truthful, even if it feels scary), straight-up, and a gentleman.

      No games. Be upfront by never telling a girl a lie or leading her on. It’s that easy.

      This is a what a real man does.

  4. KillSwitch

    April 20, 2008 at 9:25 am

    Bobby and Mike, I have to thank the both of you. Since coming to your page my success has been great. I no longer am the quiet, shy guy I was in the past. thanks to your tips (and David Deangelo, Style and Mystery) I have been able to have fun on dates and the girls are usually the ones to suggest a second date. you guys have really made an impact on my life, keep it up.

  5. Bobby Rio

    April 20, 2008 at 3:27 pm


    Glad to hear things are going well for you!!!!  Life is a journey… we all may as well make the best of it!

  6. Mike g

    April 21, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    great article – examples usually give me the best opportunity to learn and push pull is a difficult one to learn. Very helpful. Anyone else have examples? Or where to find them. It’d be nice if the MtV guys broke it down

  7. Pingback: 5 Fastest Ways to Get a Woman Attracted to You - Dating, Pickup, Seduction

  8. Josh

    April 25, 2008 at 2:54 am

    My problem with girls is I’m too nice and not confident enough. My buddy pointed me to this site and I bought an alpha male t-shirt to give me the look of confidence and arrogance, and I eventually bought into it. Their cologne also helped me smell good, while remaining masculine, and that opened up more doors.

  9. TuckStyles

    August 8, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    Great article. A couple years back I had the “constant pulling” and then I had read a couple articles pretty much along the same premises of this one, and it was spectacular seeing the huge difference.

  10. Krista

    February 14, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    Does this work on guys too?

  11. Chris

    December 28, 2009 at 3:55 am

    Is it just me or was that only one way to attract a woman?

  12. WTF

    June 10, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    Nope, I only counted one way as well? Your missing 4 other ways!

  13. Swade

    July 20, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    You forgot, power, money, a big dick, and respect. lol

  14. Kit Quiton

    November 23, 2011 at 9:19 am

    It takes practice to master this piece. Difficult but if this is what it takes…hell, why not. Good job man. Nice article.

  15. Reality

    June 7, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    I’ve never had to do this and still picked up the majority of women I wanted to. Sounds pretty childish to me and probably good for a one night stand or a few nights but nothing that will last long enough to have the very best intimacy that two highly connected people have together.

    I’ll tell you what works even better. Be completely honest with them and then don’t act ashamed of being so. Compliment them sincerely and also let them know you’re not perfect (neither are they). Give them the opportunity to make an informed decision about you. If they try to play control games? Walk away. Be alpha with them intelligently.

    Once they realize you’re the real deal? Not some childish fool playing “push and pulls”. They’ll love you for it. Push and pulls? Please, what a waste of time. Works on little girls not REAL women.

    By the way what leads you not to believe that some women just aren’t worth your effort? They aren’t. Just like some men aren’t worth the effort. If you reduce everything to little superficial games like this one? You’ve given away your personal power completely and the odds that you’re going to meet the woman whose right for you. The one who will REALLY rock your world.

    This is just another example of more silly ‘one size fits all’ dating games created by silly people who change relationships like they change underwear, guaranteed.

    • Anonymous

      March 23, 2015 at 12:18 pm


      – a woman

  16. Mark Maddington

    August 15, 2012 at 5:43 am

    I guess when you get really good at game you cease to even know what you are doing and if you are using push pull techniques you wouldn’t know were using them. Its all about mindset.

  17. Cardman21

    November 25, 2012 at 2:10 am

    That sounds hard

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