How To Prevent Flakes
Most flakes are YOUR FAULT.
It might feel like you’ve done EVERYTHING right, then she just changes her mind out of nowhere.
Yet, the truth usually is: you probably messed up some time ago It’s not just “stupid flaky millennials”.
The good news is: by learning the mistakes that lead to flakes, you can reduce them.
Here are the four main reasons women flake on guys – and some handy ideas to fight back against them.
There’s a difference between knowing you well enough to swap contact details and knowing you well enough to meet for a date.
Girls are risk-averse when it comes to dating, so you’ll need to pass BOTH milestones.
Here are some tips to help her feel like she knows you well enough.
Online dating will always have a higher flake rate, because you’re nothing but a disposable, replaceable profile in her eyes.
A lot of guys make the mistake of seeing a woman’s phone number as the prize, getting it, then running away before they mess it up.
Don’t be that guy. Spending time together is the prize. Stay with her as long as possible, and use some of this time to let her find out some cool things about you. If you spend the whole interaction getting to know her without sharing details about your life, she’ll never “know you well enough” to see you again.
Grabbing a drink together is an effective way to spend more time with each other. The act of changing venues itself helps her feel like she knows you better, especially if it’s somewhere more comfortable where she can relax.
This is the smartest way to help her get to know you. Check our guide on using Instagram to get girls for more information.
Humans make most decisions based on emotions. We’ve all got really excited and agreed to something in the moment, only for time to pass and our enthusiasm to fade.
Once you’ve learned how to spike a woman’s emotions, it’s possible to grab her contact details within minutes of meeting you. You could 20-30 new contacts a night by mastering this, but most of them would flake.
This is because her enthusiasm dies down by the time your text arrives. In many cases, she’s forgotten how excited she was to meet you.
So, what can you do to counteract this?
Text the day after meeting her, or a few hours later if you met during the daytime. Aim to arrange the date as soon as possible after meeting her, so she has less time to meet someone else or forget how awesome you are.
This helps put her back in the state she was in when she met you.
She’ll see it when you message her next time, and this will also remind her of that giddy state she was in when meeting you.
Even better, film a funny Instagram story with her and tag her in it. This will appear in her DMs, serving as a visual reminder of much fun she had when meeting you. It will also work as social proof that helps prevent all your other followers from flaking you. More on that in our Instagram guide…
Go look up examples of shitty text messages. These can all lead to flakes. The cmmon mistakes include: pointless chit-chat and questions that take too much effort to answer.
Here’s what I try to do.
Suggest an activity and find out when she’s free before grabbing her contact details. This gives you an actual reason for her to share them, plus it eliminates the monotonous back and forth of arranging a date over the phone.
In fact, if you can arrange a date within 48 hours, your first text can be used to confirm your plans. Simple.
This is my golden rule of texting. If you ask her a question, she has to invest mental energy to think of a witty answer. A lot of women won’t bother.
It’s better to send some throwaway message that doesn’t need a reply. Perhaps a cool story about your day or something funny that reminded you of her. If she doesn’t respond, you can send another in a few days without it looking too desperate.
Women are more likely to show up to low-investment dates. If she has to travel far, commit to spending loads of time with you, dress fancy or try some new activity, she probably won’t.
Suggest drinks at a bar near your house. It’s you that should blow her mind on a date, not the activity.
Sometimes, life gets in the way of romance.
But it’s funny how people’s calendars seem to clear when something AWESOME pops up.
If you approach with charisma and follow the tips above, the busyness problem barely arises.
Even with all this knowledge, flakes will still happen. If you’re not getting them, you’re probably not asking enough women on dates.
Here are some tips for saving the interaction when she does flake.
If you’re an attractive guy with an abundance of cool things going on, a flake wouldn’t be a big deal.
Even if you’re not that guy yet, it’s best to act unfazed.
Ideally, you’d go do something else awesome and film Instagram stories of it. Bonus points if it’s with another woman.
If she’s properly into you, she’ll try to rearrange. Give her a couple of days to do that. If she doesn’t shoot a throwaway message and go from there.
Still, with these tips in hand, most women feel compelled to meet you.
Even those “stupid flaky millennials”.
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin travels the world working remotely as a lifestyle writer and confidence coach. Throughout 2017, he filmed his entire dating life as part of a national television documentary in the UK. His new book 'The Camera Never Lies' details the brutal truths about dating and relationships learned from this experience. You can learn more about the book and download the first chapter for free by clicking here >>